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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays the mortgage if I make partner move out? Me? Him? Or 50/50

56 replies

Gettingfedup2015 · 15/05/2015 14:56

Posted here for traffic. I am unhappy and thinking of asking my partner to leave. We have two young dc. Our property only had about £15,000 equity in it, £30,000 at most if it went for a high price. Mortgage is £800 a month. If I asked him to leave would I be responsible for the mortgage? I'm a sahm so this would be impossible. He could pay the mortgage on his salary no problem, would I have to move out instead? How do these things work?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gettingfedup2015 · 15/05/2015 14:57

I've worked out even if I worked full time there is no way I could afford the mortgage on my own :(

OP posts:
meditrina · 15/05/2015 14:58

Partner not husband?

Whose names are on the mortgage and on the deeds?

Collaborate · 15/05/2015 15:02

If you're unmarried all you can force him to pay is child maintenance. If you get an injunction to get him out the court can order him to pay household bills, incl the mortgage.

You could seek an order under the children act to allow you to remain in the property. that would depend on how much he has in other assets and total income.

You really need to go and see a solicitor and give them full details of family finances. Then they can advise you.

OrlandoWoolf · 15/05/2015 15:03

You are both responsible for the mortgage if both your names are on it.

Sorry. It's a crap situation. People stay together because they can't afford to separate - and don't think they'll be able to find a new place.

I'd post this on relationships. Many people are in similar situations.

WinterIsGoing · 15/05/2015 15:03

not having been in your situation - i would assume that he would pay maintenance for the 2 DC. If you cannot afford to stay in the house with this and tax credits(?) or other benefits, then you'll have to move i think. Or maybe take in a lodger if you have room?

If you work full time and then you'll get top ups (if you cant afford £800 for rent) and plus maintenance, you might be able to afford to stay.

but i am not an expert, just looking at the 'logical' side.

Original poster
Gettingfedup2015 · 15/05/2015 15:03

We are both on mortgage and deeds, and ate not married if that helps

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 15/05/2015 15:05

Not being married doesn't help at all unfortunately. If you could afford to deal with the mortgage yourself (child maintenance, tax credits) then you'd owe him half the equity but he might agree to delay that. Otherwise you'd need to sell up.

OrlandoWoolf · 15/05/2015 15:05

i would assume that he would pay maintenance for the 2 DC

I wouldn't assume that. Sorry.

fastdaytears · 15/05/2015 15:05

Children's Act claim is usually too expensive and slow to be worth it unless one partner is super wealthy

letscookbreakfast · 15/05/2015 15:06

You're both responsible for it OP, if it must just his name then you might have had to move out or sell the house.

fastdaytears · 15/05/2015 15:08

Any joint owner can force a sale of a property regardless of kids' needs. It's a horrible system.

lucyjordon · 15/05/2015 15:08

If you are not married then the only thing he has to pay is child maintenance. Legally you can't ask him to move out and also pay the mortgage. If you split whoever stays in the house would have to get a mortgage in their sole name or sell the house. Would you be better off getting a job, selling the house and splitting any profit, and then renting fir yourself possibly getting tax credits or housing benefit to help?

OrlandoWoolf · 15/05/2015 15:10

From the partners point of view, if your partner asked you to leave, would you want to pay the mortgage so they could live in the same house?

Plus find your own place to live as well.

meditrina · 15/05/2015 15:11

The priority here is to provide stability for your DC. Keeping them in their home would be the ideal.

So you need to check the affordability of that carefully. Have you sorted out the child maintenance yet?

Have you considered both the level of benefits you might receive as a line parent? But also looked at the job market, what you might be able to earn and what recruitment is like local to you in the sectors you are qualified for or experienced in? Also the cost of childcare, and what assistance you could get with that.

That will help you work out your options. And yes, that might mean planning to move to somewhere that you can afford.

I know that may all sound daunting, but it is doable. And there is a lot to be said for a clean break.

OfaFrenchMind · 15/05/2015 15:16

You cannot really ask him to lose his home and pay for it, sorry. You may need to both move out and find something cheaper, and work too.

NotJustaPotforSoup · 15/05/2015 15:25

Get proper financial advice about this.

ADishBestEatenCold · 15/05/2015 15:29

I would guess that there might be a lot of contributing factors to be settled, before it can be decided who pays what.

Is he likely to want shared custody? Do you intend to work or do you have any independent income (he is unlikely to have to pay any maintenance for you, just for the children)? Will he be likely to want to pay all of the mortgage on a voluntary basis? Can he afford to pay two mortgages (he'll need to live somewhere suitable for the children, too)?

Other posters have mentioned other factors and, I thnk, there are so many variables, that you should probably seek legal advise about your actual circumstances.

Collaborate · 15/05/2015 15:46

Children Act claim is not necessarily too expensive. The court can put his share in trust so you can live in it until the children reach 18.

Maybe you can ask for this to be transferred to Legal. Seems like you're after legal advice as much as anything.

catsandstuff · 15/05/2015 15:51

ask him to leave but expect him to pay the mortgage in full? LOL. Hmm.

ofshoes · 15/05/2015 16:09

I still pay the mortgage for my ex partners house because both of our names are on it and she does not want to move. I'm hoping she will take it on at some stage but it's not looking likely right now

NerrSnerr · 15/05/2015 16:16

You can't expect him to pay the mortgage in full and rent on a new place if you asked him to leave. I imagine it's likely you'd have to sell up. Could you find work so you could afford to live there and eventually buy him out?

ilovechristmas1 · 15/05/2015 16:43

does he know that your relationship is on a cliff edge?

is he aware of what your proposing?

if he leaves he will have to house himself,so less money o go around

NotJustaPotforSoup · 15/05/2015 17:09

But why should he have a share in an asset with the payments being made by someone else? What happens to the equity once it's time to sell?

Proper legal and financial advice.

AuntieStella · 15/05/2015 17:29

You say that you are thinking about whether to ask him to leave, not that you have yet decided on this.

Whilst you make your mind up, start job hunting. The answers on this thread will probably have made you realise that you are in a vulnerable position as an unmarried non-earner. Marriage clearly isn't an option here. But recovering your independent finances is.

Andrewofgg · 15/05/2015 17:38

Unless there is a lot of money about he cannot be expected to house himself and pay CM and pay the mortgage on the roof over your head, and yes, I know it's the roof over his and your children's head too. He has to live somewhere and he has to eat. Sorry, but I can see the house being sold if you split.

ADishBestEatenCold If this is in England he will not have to pay maintenance for the OP - there is no "unlikely" about it.