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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who pays the mortgage if I make partner move out? Me? Him? Or 50/50

56 replies

Gettingfedup2015 · 15/05/2015 14:56

Posted here for traffic. I am unhappy and thinking of asking my partner to leave. We have two young dc. Our property only had about £15,000 equity in it, £30,000 at most if it went for a high price. Mortgage is £800 a month. If I asked him to leave would I be responsible for the mortgage? I'm a sahm so this would be impossible. He could pay the mortgage on his salary no problem, would I have to move out instead? How do these things work?

OP posts:

kilmuir · 15/05/2015 17:46

How cheeky

Andrewofgg · 15/05/2015 17:49

kilmuir Who?

chrome100 · 15/05/2015 17:53

It's very unfair of you to expect him to pay the mortgage and rent another place.

If you can't afford to live there alone you need to sell and rent somewhere cheaper.

Collaborate · 15/05/2015 18:00

I don't recall OP saying how much her partner earns. Therefore it's impossible for us strangers to say whether it's unfair to expect him to pay the mortgage.

If he leaves, he does so voluntarily. He'll still need to ensure the mortgage is paid. What eventually happens to the house depends on the needs of the child(ren), the resources of the parties, and the Children Act.

amybear2 · 15/05/2015 18:06

How do you propose to get him to move out? Why should he?

magoria · 15/05/2015 18:10

He and you are both liable for 100% of the mortgage. If one of you does not pay they will come after the other for the money or repossession. And then come after the both of you for anything they are still owed.

There are too many factors to be taken into account for anyone to give a proper answer to this.

If he doesn't earn enough to pay the mortgage, pay child support, pay to keep himself plus pay to rent/buy a property where he can have the DC over night then you are on a hiding to nothing trying to make this happen.

If he earns plenty then he may be happy to come to some arrangement where he carries on paying the mortgage. However as you are not married it is not down to him to support you just your mutual DC.

You need to look at all your options including if selling up or getting your ex to buy you our are better options.

Original poster

Gettingfedup2015 · 15/05/2015 18:18

Op here. He was unfaithful and I really want out. So do we have to live together until we could sell the house?

OP posts:

OrlandoWoolf · 15/05/2015 18:21

That's what some people do.

I would post this on relationships.

Original poster

Gettingfedup2015 · 15/05/2015 18:22

How do I do that? Do I have to start a new thread?

OP posts:

OrlandoWoolf · 15/05/2015 18:23

Report this thread and ask them to move it. Much better advice and experience on there.

Original poster

Gettingfedup2015 · 15/05/2015 18:24

Thank you

OP posts:

Redlocks28 · 15/05/2015 18:29

Either you work full time and pay the mortgage yourself, you move out and he pays the mortgage for him or you sell the house and rent/buy two separate ones.

You are unlikely to be able to live in the house that you can't afford and obviously it's unlikely you'll be able to continue to be a SAHM unless your DH is so fabulously wealthy he can afford to fund two houses and for that lifestyle choice to continue for you.

pinkdelight · 15/05/2015 18:31

This happened to a dear friend last year. It's very hard to sort the finances when you're not married but on the other hand ties can be cut more easily. They ended up selling the house and splitting the small profit on it, which she's used to cover the rent on a flat while she job hunts. It's not been easy but it was the right thing to do and the dc have been pretty robust, adjusting to the new home well. Hope things go well for you too. Good luck. Lots of support and advice over on Relationships.

moonfacebaby · 15/05/2015 18:31

I have a mesher order in place that basically means my exH pays my mortgage until my youngest leaves full-time education - so a minimum of 15 years.

This was decided in mediation as part of my divorce - he's a high earner (£100k+) & he also pays maintenance (including spousal until I am working - I start a new job in September).

I will receive 67.5% of the equity when we sell the house.

My exH was keen to keep the kids in the house, for stability. I would never be given a mortgage for this place as I don't earn enough.

I think he felt guilty about shagging the (much) younger OW & that may have helped me to get this deal. But in fairness to him, he was very much wanting to provide the kids with the stability they needed - so he may have been a knob to me, but at least he's looking out for his kids.

maddening · 15/05/2015 18:31

I think you need to see a solicitor.

I knew a woman whose ex had to maintain his half of mortgage payments to maintain his interest in the property and she was having to find enough to buy him out of the equity in order to remain in the property and get him off the mortgage and deeds - it was all v complicated but she was working.

Check out bens you would be entitled to based on ft work/part time work as well as that may make a difference.

How likely are you to find a job - were you working in an industry that you can get back in to?

It might be cleaner to sell the house, divide the equity and go your own ways.

chelle792 · 15/05/2015 19:10

I had an arrangement with exDP (no kids) that if he wanted half the equity he would continue to pay half the mortgage. With the agreement that I'd take it over of we'd sell at the end of the fixed rate (rather than keep the money forever)

GraysAnalogy · 15/05/2015 19:13

Any joint owner can force a sale of a property regardless of kids' needs. It's a horrible system

I don't think it's a horrible system. Why should someone pay half of a home they've been kicked out of? If my DP kicked me out I'd be forcing the sale too if he wasn't willing to pay for it himself.

OrlandoWoolf · 15/05/2015 19:15

Kids need a home. It does not have to be the same home they live in at the moment. Having a roof, food,warmth and clothes are more important than the family home.

Viviennemary · 15/05/2015 19:27

Depends whose name is on the mortgage. If it's his then he is responsible for paying it but can force a sale. If it's both I think he can still force a sale unless an agreement can be reached for you to stay in the house. Maintenance isn't much. I saw on a thread only 10-15% of take home pay. You need some financial advice. I think it's unrealistic to expect him to pay a £800 a month mortgage and find somewhere to live as well.

fastdaytears · 15/05/2015 19:32

moonface it's different because you were married, but good that ExH could see what's right for the kids.

Collaborate · 15/05/2015 19:58

Whoever said a joint owner can force a sale of the house irrespective of the needs of the children doesn't know what they're talking about. Sorry.

When considering whether to order the sale of the house the court must consider, with particular emphasis, the needs of the children of the family.

newbieman1978 · 15/05/2015 20:26

I think if the children are young (under 10yrs) it's better to sell up and separate financially. Why would anyone want to be so connected to an ex for very long periods of time??

When I spit with my ex, we sold the house and divided our assets and moved on. We have both set up homes which we can afford and because we do 50/50 care there is no financial tie what so ever.
I guess it's the dream situation out of a bad one.

Andrewofgg · 15/05/2015 20:44

Collaborate You are right but if there is not enough income for them both to live separately and pay the mortgage the point will come when the mortgagee demands a sale and then the court's powers to delay the same are very limited. The OP may in the end find she has no choice but to sell and split.

NickyEds · 15/05/2015 20:45

Does anyone know in what way the OPs situation would be different if they were married? If both names are on the mortgage and deeds? And he is responsible for the children and spousal maintenance is unheard of? The only thing I can think of (and the thing which has bitten a family member in the arse) is if he has a large pension to which she would have an entitlement if they were married.

Andrewofgg · 15/05/2015 20:51

If she was married the divorce court could transfer the house to her, but would usually only do so if the mortgage lender released the ex-H from the mortgage. Or it could order a sale with her getting more than half; usually then dismissing all claims for SM even if she falls on hard times and he prospers. And also any claim on the pension and the claim one can otherwise make when the other dies.

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