to still judge someone by how they behaved at school

[balletnotlacrosse]

A friend from school is a cousin of another girl who was in our year at school. She was a nasty piece of work in school, always sneering at other people, putting people down and genuinely acting as if she was better than others - with nothing to back it up, I mean she wasn't particularly talented, clever, good looking, sporty or anything like that.

Anyhow, that was all years ago. I'm still in contact with my friend and now and again she invites me along to something that her cousin will be attending. I always make an excuse as I just get the horrors at the thought of meeting this person again and having her look me up and down and make some disdainful, disguised as polite, comment.

AIBU to still judge her like this? My friend never really saw the nasty side of her cousin, even though everyone else did, so there's no point in asking her if she's changed in the intervening years. I sometimes feel silly, still avoiding someone I haven't seen since we were teenagers, but at the same time I just hate the thought of having to spend an evening with her.

My sister was a bully at school. She now has a son who is a sensitive soul bless him. It has given her a bit more empathy.

She was talking about her school days a couple of years ago and said that she only bullied people who deserved it. When I asked what it was these girls did she looked horrified. I think it was only then that it sunk in that their only crimes were being a bit different than the others, exactly like her own son now.

If it wasn't for my nephew I think she would have sailed through life believing she was justified. She still doesn't realise how much she fucked around with my head too and blames me that we aren't close.

I also have a friend who was a self confessed bully. However the things she was going through at home at the time were truly appalling. She admits she was wrong and has apologised to her victims if the opportunity has arisen. She is truly lovely and in her case I believe that the bullying was a totally wrong reaction to the shit situation she was in.

Some people can change but not all.

I've found quite the opposite.All the girls that I went to school with that were evil and I mean pure evil,some of the things some of them did to other girls at the school would be things that people would be put behind bars now for a very long time!

Have all gone on to have really shit life's!None of them have jobs,are on they're own with they're children,they've all ended up in bad relationships and then the man has left,they're all skint,most are on drugs and have the involvement of social services for they're children's sake.

Some have tried to add me on Facebook,but we live in completely different worlds,I didn't have no time for them at school because of what they put so many poor girls through back then.There's no way I'd want to be pulled into they're worlds.

None of them have come across has bullies anymore they all look like victims now.

I was given a hard time at school by a couple of girls and a couple of ignorant guys aswell.
Since leaving school I have bumped into each one over the years in bars or nightclubs, and every one has said hello and tried to chat and be all friendly, like they've completely forgotten how they made me feel. I have smiled, ignored and walked away from every one. Hugely satisfying.
One of the twats even tried to ask me out.