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Original poster

To take pride in my stinky farts?

252 replies

kellwells · 14/05/2015 16:11

Ok, so I apologize for the TMI, but I have ALWAYS been a super smelly farter. It runs in my family. My mum has the stinkiest farts ever and so do me and my sister. I know it isn't an intolerance, and I do all the things that have been suggested to minimize it, but it's just the way I'm made.

When I was younger I was embarrassed by it, but then I decided that if I can't help it then I shouldn't be ashamed. So now I take pride in the fact that I can stink DH out of a room even though he's a big burly bloke and I'm little petite me. Even when he loads up on Guinness and pub food he can't compete with my stink. The best part is that mine are almost always silent so I will slip them out without him noticing and then laugh like crazy when it hits him.

So, I have to ask, is anyone else like this??

OP posts:
Topseyt · 15/05/2015 02:02

Farts are a fact of life. Everyone does them, even the Queen. There's a time and a place obviously, but why not have a sense of humour about them.

I grew up in a house where we competed to see whose was the longest or loudest, though not in front if visitors or in public.

My DH grew up in a house where they were taboo, and you even virtually had to pretend you didn't even have an arse. I am glad to say that he has since relaxed and risen to my standards. Grin

Topseyt · 15/05/2015 02:05

There was even a French guy who made a living out of it.

Google le pétomaine if you don't believe that.

Focusfocus · 15/05/2015 02:55

Thanks for the warm response to our fart related stories.mhere are some details that the seriously serious amongst us should not read - fair warning

The Night of the Great Farts was in Hertfordshire in 2013. It has not yet been equalled. We had mackerel, broccoli and ehm lentil purée for dinner. One of us commenced a series of 13 farts. The living room was an inhospitable environment till the next evening. Our eyes watered.

The Halloween Trip to Lindas was at Halloween 2014. One of us was dying to show off the snazzy new car to the folk at the spooky party. We were in costume. One of us farted all along the motorway. By the time we reached, the other had to make up weird excuses so that Linda and pals wouldn't rush out to see the car because the car was reeking. The excuses almost didn't work.

The One at the Supermarket was on a random service station Waitrose. No less. DH and I were standing looking for something in the chilled aisle.maisoe was empty.the one of us who had been chewing edamame pds on the way let a stink bomb drop. Our of nowhere we saw a store worker approaching our shelves to stack things.desperately embarrassed, the far tee walked off leaving a shaking-with-laughter innocent other half stood in 'the zone' soaking in judgey disgust from the store worker.

HellKitty · 15/05/2015 06:02

I also grew up in a house where we weren't allowed to have an arse. If visiting after I'd left home any smells were blamed on my dog, never theirs as she was a pedigree. DP and his family are much more open. In the early days of us dating we called in to see his mum, she just came down from the toilet complaining about stomach pains. Then she stopped and said 'I'm so sorry I've just farted'...a tsunami of rancid stench flowed towards us, DP ran outside for fresh air while I had to sit there and didn't know whether to pretend I hadn't noticed, my DMs way of bringing us up, or join DP for fresh air. It was a serious honker. It broke the ice anyway Grin

KoalaDownUnder · 15/05/2015 06:09

Smelling farts makes me feel sick, so why would I find it hilarious?

Call me po-faced, but I just don't get it.

propelusagain · 15/05/2015 07:01

koala- apparantly it's funny, and a way of being relaxed in your own home.

Some may think it's relaxed having a communual piss pot in the corner or defacating in a paper bag so you don't have to visit the toilet.

Each to their own, if reveling in the gases of decomposition of someone esle's rectum is a recreational activity, then who am I to stop them.

I am just glad that I live in a house where we don't have to rely on farts as a source of entertainment.

cedricsneer · 15/05/2015 07:45

What I find really weird is the patronising assumption that free-farters are somehow superior in their earthy and wonderful senses of humour.

I think it's puerile and fucking unfunny - and my friends think I have a great sense of humour (I realise how lame that sounds, but I really do Wink).

Not finding farts funny (again, they make me feel very uncomfortable and sometimes physically sick) does not make me a loser. So stop the judgement please and revel in your farting but please be considerate of other people.

Floggingmolly · 15/05/2015 07:52

There's a difference between not feeling repressed about farting; and assuming each and every emission should be celebrated far and wide...
All the free farters, are you also the type to announce every crap with a "I'd leave that 20 minutes, if I were you" with a "hilarious" account of exactly why you've just stunk the house out? Nobody needs to know that either. Oh, and open a fucking window.

EmeraldThief · 15/05/2015 08:40

Some of the adjectives used here are hilarious. "Breaking Wind", "Defecating", "Emmision". Do you also "urinate" rather than have a wee? Grin.

AngryBeaver · 15/05/2015 08:51

That's completely repulsive.
We all do stinky grate occasionally, but have the good grace to warn your dh.
I would never fart In front of anyone but him and of it smelt bad, I'd say "run! I'm really sorry"
To just do it and then laugh, is really disrespectful I'm afraid.

Floggingmolly · 15/05/2015 09:00

No, I'll happily fart if the need arises, Emerald, but I don't expect everyone else to join in the general merriment the occasion doesn't warrants.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 15/05/2015 10:18

I also grew up in a house where we weren't allowed to have an arse.

Oh god I laughed when I read that earlier and now I've come back to this thread it's made me laugh againGrin

Thank you Hellkitty

So stop the judgement please

There's been a lot of judgement towards us so called free farters as well like we're some sort of vile species. Be nice if that could stop too.

cedricsneer · 15/05/2015 11:54

I don't mind accidental farts - I'm not judging them at all. Also don't mind loud non-smelly ones at all. It's the revelling in other's discomfort that I find a bit weird. And also the implication that we are po-faced and lacking a sense of humour if we don't like smelling other people's farts.

I grew up with an older brother who wanted everyone to know he had an arse as much as possible. It was horrible.

Happybodybunny12 · 15/05/2015 12:02

free farters only on mumsnet. Grin

Tizwailor · 15/05/2015 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tobeemoree · 15/05/2015 12:12

I'm a free farter, so is my 7 yr old DD, and my husband definitely is. We're not quite at the dutch oven stage of things but are all pretty good at comic timing. His favourite is coming back from my parental (usually after a large roast dinner), farting in the car and then sitting there sniggering, waiting to see how long it takes me to gag and wind down the window. The longer it takes to get from arse to nose, the worse it is.

I have encountered people (yes, charming BIL, I'm referring to you) who fart and expose their arse on a regular basis, in almost an aggressive manner. That, I don't like - and as he's not officially a baboon, I'm happy to cull the bastard.

Floggingmolly · 15/05/2015 12:18

Do you really see deliberately farting in an enclosed space as a good example of comic timing, Tobee? Takes all sorts...

EmeraldThief · 15/05/2015 12:23

You know you're all right, I love nothing better than sitting on my settee in a pair of rancid old tracksuit bottoms, legs a akimbo, can of Skol in hand whilst watching a Roy Chubby Brown DVD and trumping to the tune of God Save the Queen...Wink

Tobeemoree · 15/05/2015 12:24

No, but I do see it as a perfect example of a family that gets along and isn't delightfully po-faced. You're right, it does....

Floggingmolly · 15/05/2015 12:25

Poundland do a great set of clothespegs Wink

6Musiclover · 15/05/2015 12:26

It's the sort of thing an eight year old boy would find hilarious..

MoveAlongNow · 15/05/2015 12:57

Some of these are just gross. Ick. I can't imagine gleefully chortling over your loved ones farts of an evening, I really can't. Are all bodily functions funny to you people? Does blowing your nose elicit as much joy? If not, why not???

Yes, of course everyone farts. The normal thing to do is say "excuse me" same as after sneezing or belching. Even my 13 year old ds manages that!!

PuppyMonkey · 15/05/2015 13:09

I live in a free farting environment at home but, come on, they're not THAT funny.

Some of you lot sound like the couple on the Catherine Tate show who laughed hysterically at really mundane stuff as if they were the most hilarious people ever...

What am I like? Grin

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 15/05/2015 13:12

Agree with MoveAlong. If it's just a 'normal bodily function' (which it is), why do you find it so funny? Do you find it hysterical when you wee?

AradiaQueenWitch · 15/05/2015 13:12

Stinky farts are foul and disgusting.

Unless they're your own obviously. Wink

Loud ones on the other hand are hilarious. Grin

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