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Original poster

To take pride in my stinky farts?

252 replies

kellwells · 14/05/2015 16:11

Ok, so I apologize for the TMI, but I have ALWAYS been a super smelly farter. It runs in my family. My mum has the stinkiest farts ever and so do me and my sister. I know it isn't an intolerance, and I do all the things that have been suggested to minimize it, but it's just the way I'm made.

When I was younger I was embarrassed by it, but then I decided that if I can't help it then I shouldn't be ashamed. So now I take pride in the fact that I can stink DH out of a room even though he's a big burly bloke and I'm little petite me. Even when he loads up on Guinness and pub food he can't compete with my stink. The best part is that mine are almost always silent so I will slip them out without him noticing and then laugh like crazy when it hits him.

So, I have to ask, is anyone else like this??

OP posts:
MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 14/05/2015 20:45

you don't know how stinky it will be till its done.

Aw but sometimes, just sometimes you know that it's going to smell hideous Wink

I give farts a colour grade.

A fart that smells Red - feels hot as well

A fart that smells Green - hurts a bit on release

Fairenuff · 14/05/2015 20:46

I am also much more discreet in public

OP can I ask how you make them less stinky in public? Confused

propelusagain · 14/05/2015 20:46

Utterly gross. Not in the least bit funny.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 14/05/2015 20:48

DD has recently had some issues with bad stomach pains. When we went for a scan, the doctor asked her questions and asked if she was pumping a lot. She then told DD "better out than in " and told her a story about her neighbour who farted all of the time by accident . We were all weeping laughing . I have a five year old pumping and saying "better out than in " at every opportunity.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 14/05/2015 20:59

Those who don't laugh at fart jokes are uptight, humourless and somehow less life-loving than people who guffaw at the absolute hilarity of someone breaking wind. Of course we are. Quite without your ability to embrace true, side-splitting humour.

I honestly think that the fart-laughers will be the same people who think Mrs Brown's Boys is comedy gold. They have the box sets and calendars, mark my words.

Smarterthantheaveragebeaver · 14/05/2015 20:59

I've just asked DH to pull my finger so I can let one out.

EmeraldThief · 14/05/2015 21:02

I'm sitting here crying reading this thread GrinBeing able to fart around your loved ones shows that your comfortable in their presence, it's never been taboo for me. My DM, DF, DB all farted around each other at home, even now my DM and I will be having a conversation and she'll suddenly stop and say "ooooh hang on Im going to fart", pull a funny face and let off loudly before carrying on with what she was going before.

I remember about eight years ago I was on a course and there was a bloke there who do continually farted really loudly throughout one class. No apology or anything, and he made no attempt to hide that fact it was him either, as he lifted his arse up every time

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 14/05/2015 21:06

I don't...Never even watched Mrs Browns Boys Hmm

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 14/05/2015 21:13

Don't any of you non boffers work in schools then? Reception classes smell like sewers by the afternoon pick up. How do you cope with kids farting?

BeaufortBelle · 14/05/2015 21:19

I think they're all pretending. I can remember drives to school with DS when the air turned greenish yellow. "DS, open the window - that was disgusting" and then we'd just laugh.

Are there really people in the world who never break wind? Eeek" Must just be us. Thanks God that DH and I met each other and can be at ease.

CaTsMaMmA · 14/05/2015 21:19

I classify mine into shapes sometimes.

for instance, a small quiet sturdy but short one might be round, a louder choppy, more vibration filled one might be designated as square.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 14/05/2015 21:24

Everyone farts. Imo, it's a teensy bit extreme to leave the room, most families are comfortable with it happening around each other.

But that's a long way from falling about, weeping with laughter because someone's farted.

WeirdCatLady · 14/05/2015 21:25

Fuck me, only on MN could a fart discussion descend to this level. Stupid insult slinging crap from those who claim to be above such childish behaviour.

I'm too old for this shit.

farewellfigure · 14/05/2015 21:27

Yep I like fart humour and Mrs browns boys. I don't have the box sets though.

bimandbam · 14/05/2015 21:27

My dp had a stoma for a few years.

It emitted the vilest of vile farts which he had no control over whatsoever. None.

Would you fartists all judge him for it?

KenDoddsDadsDog · 14/05/2015 21:31

I like Mrs Browns Boys too. What's that got to do with farts though. I'm lost.

MummaV · 14/05/2015 21:33

When I started dating DH I knew one day I'd marry him so I got the inevitable out of the way within a few days of being together and farted in his presence (I didn't intentionally do it but I didn't hold back or leave the room). He still says to this day that that was the moment he fell in love with me. Because I was comfortable enough with him to fart without knowing how loud or smelly it would be( and it was both loud and smelly).

We don't hold back in our house, but we do always apologize if it's a stinker. Obviously if we have company or are out in public we tend to try and hold them unless they are sneeky ones!

Some peoples attitudes to normal everyday bodily functions is beyond ridiculous.

Caravanoflove · 14/05/2015 21:34

I have tears rolling down my cheeks at this. There are some very uptight people on here!

propelusagain · 14/05/2015 21:35

So for the farters- what about work, if you are in a shared office, do you take as much delight farting in front of them or your boss?

Do colleages weep with laugher too?

Bambambini · 14/05/2015 21:38

Can't stand Mrs Browns Boys but I love farting. How can you not love farting, for the love of God!

I do need to apologise to a friend from school. During o level exams many years ago she was sitting behind me "alphabetically decided" in every exam we shared (at least about 5). Through nerves my stomache was churning and I spent the whole exams trying to fart silently. Poor girl. I'm sure it affected my results.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/05/2015 21:38

I turn the suction on to fart at work.

Whiskwarrior · 14/05/2015 21:40

I haven't rtft but I'm guessing:

? people are crying/weeping with laughter
? various beverages have been spat out
? babies/pets have been woken
? 'this thread needs to go into Classics'

[Hmm]

MrsMook · 14/05/2015 21:45

I've always been a trumpet. It's coincidentally got better since DS's allergies / intolerances were identified, changing our diet.

If I can't avoid trumping in a classroom, then the best method is to discreetly stand by the silly boy zone and let them blame eachother. I accidentally let one pop in a staff meeting the other day and a blunt colleague noticed, so it was best to confess without embarrassment.

They were shocking after Ds2 was born. The laxatives I was on, and and absence of pelvic floor strength meant I had no warning or control, and my natural balance had been flushed out. Super strength probiotics have helped a lot.

Taking beanfeast camping was a malodorous error. DH and I had to evacuate the tent at 1 am to thoroughly ventilate it.

BareGorillas · 14/05/2015 21:45

Yup Whisk, it's amazing how all these fart appreciaters congregate and start expelling beverages at will.

Weird place at times.

And observe how clenched and po those who find it unfunny are made out.

donemekmelarf · 14/05/2015 21:47

You think it's funny, but I bet your husband is secretly turned off by it.
Hope we don't see you on the Relationships board a couple of years down the line.