To take pride in my stinky farts?

[kellwells]

Ok, so I apologize for the TMI, but I have ALWAYS been a super smelly farter. It runs in my family. My mum has the stinkiest farts ever and so do me and my sister. I know it isn't an intolerance, and I do all the things that have been suggested to minimize it, but it's just the way I'm made.

When I was younger I was embarrassed by it, but then I decided that if I can't help it then I shouldn't be ashamed. So now I take pride in the fact that I can stink DH out of a room even though he's a big burly bloke and I'm little petite me. Even when he loads up on Guinness and pub food he can't compete with my stink. The best part is that mine are almost always silent so I will slip them out without him noticing and then laugh like crazy when it hits him.

So, I have to ask, is anyone else like this??

Lazy sphincters

I'm no prude.

I just hate breathing in other people's shit particles.

Ha ha. Penis Beaker ok, but not farting. MN is weird, for sure.

My DH and I find forts ridiculously funny and have developed a scale of killing ability of farts and take great pleasure in grading each other's performances in this regard!

We also have therefore got memories like -

The Night of the Great Farts
The Halloween Trip to Linda's
The One Where the Dog Had to Leave the Room
The One at the Supermarket

We've fallen over laughing at each other's farts, their sounds and smells. None of us feel revolted, violated or anything of the sort!

Well, I suppose I'll be ridiculed by the vast majority on this thread for saying this, but I have never farted in front of any of my family (or anyone else come to that) nor have any of them farted in front of me or each other. By 'my family' I mean my parents, my husband (who I have known for 40 years) and our daughter (now adult). The thing is, I know that it simply would never have occurred to any of us to do that. It hasn't ever, and wouldn't ever happen. There's no effort involved in not doing it. On the occasions when I've been anywhere that someone has farted, such as in a shop, it's made me feel nauseous. I don't get why farting is funny to some people either. If that makes me and my family weird, so be it. I do understand of course, that if someone has a medical problem they can't help it.

Incidentally, I have a very good and often very silly sense of humour, but farting isn't one of the things that amuse me.

During her first pregnancy my sister singed her pubes lighting her farts

Weeps

But grunfartock some of us actually just can't help it and it can be almost impossible to stop them. It's entirely uncontrollable and how do you manage to slither out of a room with your cheeks squeezed tightly together to ensure it stays silent? If you move there could be noisy escape.

Who was it on TV who used to say "wherever you be, let your wind go free"? I don't of course but it's largely involuntary.

I hate breathing in other people's shit particles

I presume people who feel this way have their own personal bathrooms, keep their toothbrush in the fridge and don't live in the countryside. Otherwise, poo particles get around I'm afraid.

Focusfocus, thank you for making me feel less ridiculous! The names of your stories sound hilarious, I would love to hear about some of them even if most others think we're gross!

I'm sorry I haven't rtft but have artichokes been mentioned?

Taste lovely but I have never experienced anything like it.

I get stomach ache if I hold a fart in. Once felt rough as Fuck after a night out and once released a humdinger of a fart I instantly felt much better. It was clearly all I needed

This thread has made me laugh so much that I guffed

I can and do hold in my farts in public/work/other unsuitable environments. It's what you do as an adult. But there's no way when I'm at home and feel one coming that I'm not going to sprint up to DP, shout "Oh my God, have you heard?!" then let one rip.

That's just wasteful.

Or you can sneak up on a loved one and loudly rip to make them jump. Come on, that's funny!

Focus this us the first time in over ten years of mumsnet that i have cried with laughter. Thank you

Oh GOD! The cold disgust of some versus the childish fart-glee of others on this thread has had me in TEARS!

I find farts hilarious and have been creased at this thread. YANBU.

I fart a lot, if I left the room or went to the loo every time I had wind then I'd never get anything done, be able to work, have been able to go to school.

And as for those saying if your going to do a stinker, leave - you don't know how stinky it will be till its done.

We are a farty house.

Yes, I too would divorce my DP if she dared to fart ever. Or sneeze. Or breathe too hard. She can keep her dirty lung particles to herself thank you

I'm with you OP. The family that fart together laugh together.

Also, if you hold them in all of the time you spontaneously combust - I saw it on a documentary.

Focusfocus that has got to be one of my favourite EVER posts. You have NAMES for the incidents. I bow to you.

I particularly like doing them when sat on the edge of the bath. It's awesome. The reverberations are immense. I guess it would be like farting into a giant trumpet.

But, I have a colleague who admitted she never, not once, farted in front of her ex. They were married for years. Then one day when she sat down, she let out a little trump. I think she implied that the marriage was doomed from that point onward. Delicate little flower that she was. She's never remarried (That must have been 30+ years ago). She said she could never be happy with a man who let one go in front of her.

(Runs in in-disguise as too lazy to name change)

The best ones are those that......well.......erm........cause lady......

FLAPPY FARTS!!!!!

(Runs off to hide and maybe choose a new nickname)

I'm literally crying laughing at some of these.

typing and lifting a cheek.....multitasking at its best.

what a load of prudes on here!

and some wise words for all you clenchers....better an empty house than a bad tenant.

'Better an empty house than a bad tenant' weeping with laughter.