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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to tell my neighbour to eat shit and die?

34 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 14/05/2015 13:58

My daughter has nightmares and night terrors and we live in a gf flat. My neighbour upstairs from us has complained on a couple of occasions about dd's 'shouting and screaming'. How should I deal with the interfering cow in a civil way? Or am I unreasonable for thinking she is unreasonable?!

OP posts:

InThisMoment95 · 14/05/2015 14:00

i think you're both being a bit unreasonable, she wants sleep and you want to deal with dd's issues in peace.I can't see a solution though, sorry :(

Costacoffeeplease · 14/05/2015 14:01

I think if she's being woken up by 'screaming and shouting' in the middle of the night, or being disturbed during the evening, then she isn't being unreasonable, what you can do about it though, I don't know

fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:01

Why don't you go down in a calm way and explain the situation.
What are you doing about the night terrors? What research have you done? Have you seen a GP?
It does seem unreasonable of her, but when my DS has night terrors it's pretty awful to hear, so I imagine if she thinks that this is something a child is doing deliberately and you aren't doing anything about it then she probably wishes she wasn't hearing it.
Calmly explaining the problem and what you are trying to do to solve it would be the best way of keeping the peace (I think).

AuntyMag10 · 14/05/2015 14:01

Well it must be just as unpleasant for her as well. Do you know what her situation is. Understanding needs to go both ways.

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2015 14:02

Does she know about the night terrors?

Pennies · 14/05/2015 14:02

Difficult situation.

I would move your daughter's bed into a room that isn't under the neighbour's room if possible.

This is hard on her as well as you.

balletnotlacrosse · 14/05/2015 14:04

You sound a bit defensive and indignant that your neighbour would even mention the issue.

Maybe a bit of communication, and acceptance that it is hard on the neighbour to have to put up with, might lead to some kind of compromise or solution.

RosaGertrudeJekyll · 14/05/2015 14:04

my neighbors also heard dc night terrors, they moved bedroom, i apologized, thy knew we couldn't do anything it has passed..

i htink you need to be kinder here and open up discussion.

Binkybix · 14/05/2015 14:05

Try explaining what's going on first. Do NOT go in with the attitude that the title of your OP suggests!

RosaGertrudeJekyll · 14/05/2015 14:05

also agree it may be worrying her. be kind

Theycallmemellowjello · 14/05/2015 14:06

Er yes telling someone who complains after being woken by shouting and screaming to 'eat shit and die' is madness! Sorry about your daughter but have some empathy for your neighbour. A reasonable reaction would be to be apologetic and conciliatory, explain the situation and how you're dealing with it, ask for her patience while it's dealt with and in the meantime get some extra rugs/soft furnishings in your dd's room to absorb the sound. Also try to encourage your dd to deal with the fear in a better way - coming to see you rather than shouting for you for eg.

londonrach · 14/05/2015 14:08

Agree with others. Explain to neighbour. Cant be pleasant to be asleep and hear your dd screaming etc without knowing whats going on.

VelvetRose · 14/05/2015 14:09

I appreciate this is very stressful for you and your dd but I think you need to be a little bit understanding of your neighbour's point of view as well. It's horrible for you to be awake in the middle of the night and horrible for your DD to be suffering in this way but it's also horrible for your neighbour to be woken suddenly like this. Have a chat, try to be calm and reasonable. You're right, there's very little you can do. I hope it settles down soon.

JoanHickson · 14/05/2015 14:10

Clearly the broken sleep is not helping any of you. Take a nap and when your mood is better apologise and explain the situation.

MythicalKings · 14/05/2015 14:15

YAU for thinking she's U. Her sleep is regularly interrupted by a screaming child. You need to move the child as far away as possible from where she sleeps and apologise and explain the situation.

AmyElliotDunne · 14/05/2015 14:38

Agree with everyone else, if I was woken in the night by screaming I'd definitely say something, if only so that the parent knew I could hear in case it was something dodgy. How is your neighbour supposed to know it is night terrors and not you hurting the child?

One thing though Theycallme - with night terrors the child is still asleep and unresponsive, it's not like waking up from a nightmare crying, they are unaware of what is going on, sit up screaming and shouting and don't really hear you when you talk to them, so advising the DD to come into her mum's room won't really work, as she will probably be completely unaware that it is happening and won't remember it in the morning either.

Original poster

OhWhatAPalaver · 14/05/2015 14:48

Thanks for your replies. She does know about the night terrors but she may not know what they are. Moving dd isn't possible as she's not even under the neighbours room anyway, my room is. It's only a two bed flat.

OP posts:

SistersofPercy · 14/05/2015 14:49

I agree, difficult situation but calling her an 'interfering cow' when she is suffering from this as well as you and your family it very OTT.

The phrase 'you catch more flies with honey' applies. Explain, apologise and work with her rather than calling her names.

fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:55

Personally, I would be trying to keep the peace. I had a situation like that where DS kept having giant tantrums and the neighbours complained one day. It really got my back up as we were really struggling with him.

In a passive-aggressive but ultimately very successful way, I put a little pot plant on their doorstep with an apology note written from 'my son'. I think they were then mortified for complaining. After that they bent over backwards to be sympathetic with us and eventually used to have us over for BBQs and were really nice. Just one approach.

Angelto5 · 14/05/2015 14:56

Sympathies OP my ds(16) has night terrors but neighbours have never said anything.

Agree with apologising to neighbours-maybe make a cake/buy her some biscuits & some ear plugs & explain that you hope they pass soon.

How old is your dd op?

Original poster

OhWhatAPalaver · 14/05/2015 14:57

I must point out that I have apologised and been very civil to her and tried to explain a bit but she's really stressing me out :( I'm just venting on here really.

OP posts:

Original poster

OhWhatAPalaver · 14/05/2015 14:59

Thanks Fourcetteoff that sounds like a good plan! I might do that :)
Dd is 3 btw.

OP posts:

Happybodybunny12 · 14/05/2015 15:01

I have sympathy op but it must be hell for the neighbour too and let's face it she has no skin in the game here it's not her dd.

Are you getting any help for dd?

fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 15:02

I do sympathise with you. It must be terrifying for you to deal with.

I have night terrors and also act out on them. Poor DH often gets thumped in the night or has to restrain me. He often retreats into the spare room if I'm being particularly barking.
I don't remember a thing about it in the morning. I don't feel traumatised the next day, just a little embarrassed and ashamed that I thumped DH or repeatedly shook him awake muttering crap about zombies trying to break their way in. I'm certain your DD is the same way. I imagine it looks worse to the people seeing it than to the persona having the night terrors.

Have you seen a GP yet?

Happybodybunny12 · 14/05/2015 15:02

Lack of sleep unhinges the nicest of people.

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