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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was this man really rude?

110 replies

DextersMistress · 14/05/2015 12:16

I'm at dm's with dc. DM had a man come to cut the grass and dc were on the step watching him. When he finished, he had a little chat with them (and DM)
He asked their age and remarked that ds2 is big for his age (true)
DM said yes, and they're like chalk and cheese aren't they (also true)
He said what? They're brothers?
DM laughed and said yes.
what, like proper brothers or is one the milkman's?

Shock

DM seems to think it wasn't rude and just an observation. I think it's a horrible comment. Aibu?

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 13:25

Do I take offence?

Apart from the fact it is said to reinforce the fact that you definitely are your fathers child (so an entirely different thing!) Hmm it doesnt matter whether you take offence because you arent the authority on whether other people get to be offended by something.

You can doubt the children even listened but you actually have no idea.

Why are we so keen to defend this guys right to make an insensitive and unnecesary comment? It does him no harm at all to stop speaking at "they dont look alike at all" but it has the potential to do harm if he carries in as he did. Why is his desire to get a chuckle more important than the feelings of those two children?

Spanglecrab · 14/05/2015 13:27

Sorry dexter I re-read your op and i think I've replied to a thread that I've invented in my own mind rather than yours. Blush

However having re-read the op I do think YABU Grin

SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 13:27

Perhaps you can answer my question about why you are so determined to see this as an affront / damaging to the children

I see it as having the potential to cause hurt.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 14/05/2015 13:30

Ok, iabu. I'll take it on the chin Grin

I have to ask though, would the response be the same if dp was here and he'd been asked 'which one is yours?'

OP posts:
LadyGardener1 · 14/05/2015 13:31

O/T but be careful letting the dc watch the gardener. Dp is a gardener and things go flying all over with his strimmer, don't want them getting hurt.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:32

Surly you must be constantly affronted, that's all I can think, going round looking for things that might be offensive not just to yourself but to others and I'm glad I don't live in your world

You have, in my opinion, made far far more many assumptions about whethere the kids were "damaged" by this comment than I have. In fact, I think you have extrapolated it so far that it is indeed, silly.

flora717 · 14/05/2015 13:32

Milkman thing = tired 60's type joke suggesting the woman is unfaithful.
"Proper" brothers? = fuck off, that's hideous phrasing.

hiddenhome · 14/05/2015 13:34

Ew, you've encountered a joke from the dark ages 1970s

Distasteful, but mostly harmless Grin

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/05/2015 13:34

It's a joke, everyone says the same to me as I'm the only one in the family with blue/ grey eyes and the rest of my family have deep brown eyes.

TurnOverTheTv · 14/05/2015 14:31

I think the term for some people on here might be 'Professionally offended'

PushAPushPop · 14/05/2015 15:06

I literally am the milkman's ;)

My mum was married to him though...!

Morelikeguidelines · 14/05/2015 15:13

I agree with flora. The milkman joke is one thing, but to suggest that they would not be proper brothers if that were the case is at best thoughtless and at worst offensive.

soontobemumofthree · 14/05/2015 15:27

Its a silly joke. DM pointed out the difference first! My brother got it all the time.
Father Ted, Pat Mustard and the very hairy babies!

Dublinlass · 14/05/2015 15:33

Joke joke joke

MirandaGoshawk · 14/05/2015 15:36

It's just a not very funny joke. A bit tasteless, IMO.

But sorry, YABU

Tizwailor · 14/05/2015 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntyMag10 · 14/05/2015 15:59

Surly, unclench and have a grip.

m0therofdragons · 14/05/2015 16:04

Haha my dad used to ask my mum if I was the milkman's as I was so blonde and he and dm are brunette. It was a joke. Df said it all through my childhood. Never did I take it seriously - possibly because our milkman was ancient Grin

TheEponymousGrub · 14/05/2015 16:13

Allinson2014
Seriously? Because that's genetically impossible....unless...there was a spontaneous mutation IN your child, giving rise to brown eyes without inheriting that gene from either parent....would have to have occurred very soon after conception but is possible I think...

Original poster
DextersMistress · 14/05/2015 17:34

TheEponymousGrub really? That's very interesting, I didn't know that.

OP posts:
NoImSpartacus · 14/05/2015 17:47

Surly you honestly need to massively lighten up Grin

WildStyle · 14/05/2015 18:37

TheEponymousGrub
Allinson2014 Seriously? Because that's genetically impossible....unless...there was a spontaneous mutation IN your child, giving rise to brown eyes without inheriting that gene from either parent....would have to have occurred very soon after conception but is possible I think...

TheEponymousGrub that's completely untrue. If Allinson2014's ancestors have brown eyes, then that how the child got them. Basic genetics. Basically, the brown eyes were recessive previously, then became dominant in the child. That's how two white parents could give birth to a dark skinned or "black" child.

WhitePhantom · 14/05/2015 19:08

I don't think that brown eyes can be recessive... If the brown eye gene is present then the person has brown eyes, and if a person doesn't have brown eyes then they don't have a brown eye gene - that's what I always understood anyway. Confused

RachelWatts · 14/05/2015 19:29

The way dominant and recessive genes is taught in school using eye colour is a very simplified version - it's vastly more complicated, and it's entirely possible for dark eyes to be recessive in some families.

In my family, extremely dark, almost black eyes are recessive, but it goes unremarked on because most of the rest of the family have brown eyes, but a lighter shade.

kimistayingalive · 14/05/2015 19:47

Its old fashioned joke. Its played in my family also as my DS has 4 kids who all look completely different. So we joke the milkman and postman. Not offensive to us but its natural for us.