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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was this man really rude?

110 replies

DextersMistress · 14/05/2015 12:16

I'm at dm's with dc. DM had a man come to cut the grass and dc were on the step watching him. When he finished, he had a little chat with them (and DM)
He asked their age and remarked that ds2 is big for his age (true)
DM said yes, and they're like chalk and cheese aren't they (also true)
He said what? They're brothers?
DM laughed and said yes.
what, like proper brothers or is one the milkman's?

Shock

DM seems to think it wasn't rude and just an observation. I think it's a horrible comment. Aibu?

OP posts:
AGirlCalledBoB · 14/05/2015 12:45

Of course it's just a joke, I would not take a offence to that whatsoever. It's a old joke so admitally not so funny now but nothing to get worked up about.

I agree with TurnOverTheTV some people do take offence at the slightest thing.

SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 12:49

Is everyone who thinks Op needs to 'lighten up' missing the fact that this was said infront of the children? For all he knew they were adopted or didnt share the same mother/father, for all he knew they could actually be blatantly aware of how different they look an be really sensitive about it because thats the billionth time someone has suggested they arent "proper" brothers? Or they could actuay have just found out that they dont share a parent and are having difficulty processing that. Not sure how thats at all funny or that they should just lighten up.

balletnotlacrosse · 14/05/2015 12:52

Surly I'm sure he didn't say it in a serious questioning way, but in a laughing joking way. Really, I think people overanalyse everything to do with children nowadays. I don't know how some of them are going to function when they have to move away and join the real world.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 14/05/2015 12:55

It's joke but, IMO, it has never been funny and is grossly offensive, for all the reasons mentioned above.

sebsmummy1 · 14/05/2015 12:57

He was basically asking if they have the same father -in a jokey way.

To be honest I probably would have laughed along but been pretty pissed off if the happened not to have the same father and assume he might have been passing judgement on it.

MammaTJ · 14/05/2015 12:58

Yup, just a joke, not a very funny one but a joke all the same.

Really funny is my female friend, who is mixed race (father Jamaican, mother English) who has three children. Her husband is white and quite fair. Two of the DC are quite dark, one of them fair, almost with blonde hair. A 'friend' questioned whether they all had the same father! Hmm

SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 13:00

Surly I'm sure he didn't say it in a serious questioning way, but in a laughing joking way.
To an adult that would be fine, we have fine tuned our ability to read and interpret tone and implication/intent. Children havent got that nailed yet and they can take things quite literally. They dont always see the wink or smirk to indicate a joke, they dont know that "the milkmans" is an age old joke not to be taken seriously. It is insensitive and careless at best to say that about a child, right infront of the child.

Jackie0 · 14/05/2015 13:01

It's an old fashioned comment from a time when blended families were unusual.
It sounds very rude to our modern ears.
What age was the gardener?

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:03

I don't think he was implying that they might have different fathers in some sort of Carry on style nudge nudge fasion - I think he was asking if they were even related as they are so different

Really, OP, unclench

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:04

Surly really. I don't even know where to start with how utterly silly that sounds

SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 13:05

I think he was asking if they were even related as they are so different

He had been told they were brothers. He knew they were related.

SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 13:07

Could you try bitout because if you want to call someones opinion silly then you should at least offer an explanation as to why you said it. If you arent prepared to do that then dont say it.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:09

So he was just stating his incredulity at how different they are!

He wasn't saying "I assume their mother has slept around and I wish to do everybody involved deep psychological damage by implying that they live in a highly disfunctional family with a promiscuous mother who puts the whole security of their family wellbeing in jeopardy with her sluttish ways and lying to her husband and children about the legitimacy of one of her children"

He was saying "Gosh aren't they different!"

Crikey. I might need to start handing out grips soon

Spanglecrab · 14/05/2015 13:10

I would never think there was any thing wrong with siblings having different fathers. Therefore assuming the question of a child's parentage isn't posed in an unpleasant manor why would you be offended?

Ignoring the fact that it's nobodies business doesn't being offended mean feeling ashamed where there is no need or in the case that your children have the same father, suggest to blended families that you assign yourself a higher status than they should expect for themselves.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 14/05/2015 13:10

Obviously it was a joke, I didn't think he was seriously asking if he was the milkmans!
I just wouldn't dream of saying something like that to someone.

Btw, puppy that made me lol Grin

OP posts:
JohnCusacksWife · 14/05/2015 13:10

What's happening to us? Why are some people so ready to be offended at the slightest thing!

SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 13:12

He was saying "Gosh aren't they different!"

If thats all he had said then id have said OP was over reacting. But it isnt all he said.

"what, like proper brothers or is one the milkman's?"

infront of the kids

Not on.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 14/05/2015 13:12

Spangle don't be ridiculous, my op implied nothing of the sort.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:13

Surly - hope my explanation sufficed. Glad to folow your orders!

SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 13:16

It didnt at all suffice. As it doesnt actually explain why you think my comments are "utterly silly".

Jessica2point0 · 14/05/2015 13:16

It is just a crap old joke - he probably didn't mean much by it. That said, I don't find jokes about my sexual fidelity very funny tbh, so I don't blame you for being annoyed.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:19

It's justa turn of phrase. A lighthearted one. The OP knows that.

Why are you so determined to make this so bleak and serious. It's not.

I look exactly like my dad. His spitting image. People often say "well there's no doubt about whether you're the milkman's"

Do I take offence? Start to question my mom's fidelity to my dad? Wonder if the man who brought me up has been involved in a sham of loving me for 47 years? No! I think "that's just a well known joke / shorthand"

And you do kids a disservice - they are excellent at picking up non-verbal cues. Aren't we always telling women who are staying in bad marriages "for the kids" that they will already be picking up on body language / atmspheres etc.

And I douby theyr even listened to what he said, let alone took offence / were harmed by it

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:20

Hope that satisfies me.

Perhaps you can answer my question about why you are so determined to see this as an affront / damaging to the children

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:20

you not me! doh!

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 13:21

"What's happening to us? Why are some people so ready to be offended at the slightest thing!"

This! ^^

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