To ask if for your honest view on regretting having or not having that third child?

[suddenlycupishalffull]

...I am genuinely torn over it...DS is 4, DS2 is 17 months...DH is enjoying 'getting our lives back' & the thought of another baby fills him with dread...we have 2 healthy, happy DC & I was fine during pregnancy & childbirth & he stresses we need to be grateful for that, which of course we do...but I see their childhoods already going so quickly (eldest starting big school in September, youngest already a toddler & no longer a baby) and don't feel really to let that go yet, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life without a doubt. Practically, it's not the right thing to do...I have no local family help, I suffered post-natal anxiety with both & don't like the chaos that lots of children brings...when I think of their futures, I hope we could take them on holidays, spend quality time with both, all of which DH says we will struggle to do with a 3rd child in the mix....and yet...my small family is not close at all and for various reasons I don't have a relationship with my relations (grandparents, aunts, cousins etc), I'd like something different for DC, I don't think a small family necessarily leads to happiness for children, I felt very isolated and alone at times. So...AIBU to ask whether you honestly have regretting having that 3rd child or regret having not gone for it?

I have 3 dd's and can't believe my luck! I always wanted 3 and felt like someone was missing. Now she's here we feel complete and like we can move on as a family. It hasn't been all hearts and flowers but it is what is right for us. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you

Sometimes I have a few hours with only two and I realise how easy life could have been! oh this, so so true for me

I'm sure when she is a bit older it will be fabulous, but right now if I could go back in time I would have delayed her by a few years at least.

My husband was one of two boys and once we had two boys I think he felt complete . When I learnt that I was pregnant with no 3 he was "happy " but I didn't feel he was as happy as the other pregnancies as he thought that was utopia. Our daughter arrived and I have never seen such mutual adoration. This question should have been directed to him but I know he would say that our daughter is the absolute icing on th cake. It is hard work but my no 3majes my soul take flight with happiness every single day xxxx

We had 3 under 4 so all quite close together. Number 3 is an absolute dream! He is such a friendly loving type and of all the adults I know who are number 3 of 3 they have similar personalities. I put it down to being left to it more as a baby and toddler-they had to just get on and get along with people. A family of 5 is harder to manage re cars, holidays etc-for example it's rare to get a hotel room that will take 5-we recently smuggled one child in for an overnight stop at a Premier Inn! Family dynamics can be odd-when all 3 are around 2 are always fighting! When 1 is away the remaining 2 get on. It doesn't seem to matter who is there or away though! But I don't regret him at all-we tried for a fourth but it wasn't to be so happy with 3.

Have to add I had 3 awful pregnancies and labours and post natal time too!

I have a 3 and 5 year old and would love to have another.

Husband is dead set against due to financial reasons. Money is always tight so adding another child to the mix we would really struggle.

My 2 are like best buddies so not even sure now whether a 3rd would really fit in!

DC1 & DC2 used to get along v well until DC3 came along and then the dynamics changed so there was a bit more fighting (all boys). It was challenging when they were little and getting everyone to school but it does pass. And I was always v proud of having three. Its most difficult when they are little, but now they are 13, 16 & 19, DC 2 is best buddies/chief play fighter with both his brothers, while DC1 is protector of DC3. I never regretted having number three, but in the beginning we let fate decide whether it would happen. Once I had three, I felt my family was complete and didn't have any more yearnings after that. Let us know what happens suddenlycuppish xx

I have 3 and don't regret the 3rd at all, she was planned, we have a big enough house and income to support 3. However, it is hard sometimes and very busy especially breastfeeding a newborn and trying to get one to school and one to pre school. 2 didn't seem enough but 3 seems a lot! They are like a little gang and get on pretty well, sometimes the dynamics are easier than with 2 as they don't have just one sibling to play off against. It is getting easier now the youngest is 2 and they still have some common ground, we can go to the park or the farm or zoo and they will all be entertained. I'd do it again in a heartbeat but definitely won't be going for number 4! We are looking forward to the next stage now (they are 8, nearly 5 and 2).

My number 3 was unplanned and I ws extremely nervous as number 2 was a tough baby. Number 3 is fantastic - she is so chilled out and has slotted in easily. So much so we're considering number 4! I have no family support, one with ASD and DH works long hours. Yes, I'm always busy and have no spare time but I love it. I'm firmly of the view that you never regret having a child looking back but will always regret not doing so if you let the opportunity pass.

I Found out I was pregnant with dc3 on same day as EXDH got hospital appointment for the snip!
Wasnt planned and we were using contraception-
Got our head around it and had our beautiful DS after two DD!
Best thing ever, although we did have to divide one of the bedrooms up into two! lol !

We are stopping at two, although I always wanted more (I am one of four), but we really can't afford the extra childcare (I am main earner and DH would hate being a SAHP).

I would have been prepared to take a gamble if DH had also been keen but he really wasn't and I didn't push it as I think both parents need to be onboard for the extra stress, tiredness, expense that a new baby brings.

I'll be 41 soon and DH 46, and am actually a lot more ok with the situation than I thought. DCs are 7 and almost 4 and I can really appreciate the advantages of being over the baby stage.

I think I felt more strongly about it when dc2 was a baby/toddler but once you get past that you really do see that there is more to parenting than looking after a tiny person.

I found I spent a lot of time comparing myself to other families until I realised that everyone's situation is different, and there is no ideal number of children.

You can have a wonderful family life with one child or with six. I thought I would be heartbroken to stop at two, but although I have the odd pang, I am really happy with my small family.

We have three - ages 5, 3 and 5 months.

Our third has quite severe silent reflux. Lots of screaming and not a lot of sleep. DH works long hours.

I am beyond exhausted.

Do I regret it? Actually no - and I would still do it all again. But it has been a very difficult few months and the knock on effect on the other two has been big.

We ain't having a fourth ??

I don't regret him - our surprise DC3 is absolutely adorable, and I wouldn't be without my 8 year old bundle of loveliness for anything.

That being said - we have a large gap (8 and 10 years) between him and the older 2. When they were younger that gap didn't seem quite so big - now we've got one about to move out to go to University and the other one coming up for 16. They have moved onto a completely different stage in their lives and we find it hard to find things we all want to do - DH are not exactly spring chickens, so at a time when we should be thinking about reclaiming a bit of our life back and having 'us' time like all of our friends, we find ourselves doing the weekend swimming lessons, hanging about waiting to ferry him home from parties, supervising homework, making sure there is childcare in place at all times and so on.

So no - definitely don't regret him being here but have definitely had to postpone a lot of our plans and change our lives quite significantly. If you have a fantastic family support network around you to take off some of the pressure then I'm sure that can help, but we don't.

Our number 3 is five years old now and I am not prone to mushiness but he has made our family a family. Having him sorted out the dynamics, rather than disrupting them, and particularly has brought so much joy to my middle child, our DD, who adores him and is adored back. DH and I are both only children, and with no extended family, we wanted to have at least 3 kids.

We skint and now probably always will be, the house is full up and noisy and messy, I am time poor, but I have no regrets. A fourth would tip us over the edge, mind.

The thing is suddenly there is no way you can compare what you have now with what you think you would have had. Because it's just an assumption iyswim.

We stopped at two. DH didn't want a 3rd child.
My two dcs are older now. One in Y7, the other in Y6. I'm looking at next year when they will be even more independent, I can start my working day earlier, stop later, no childcare to rush about etc... When we go away on hols, we can have a family room and all be in the same room (much cheaper). they are close so we can do things that both will interrested in (harder with a bigger gap) etc...
And then I can try and imagine how it would be with a 3rd dc.
It would have been a close ish gap again. Early childhood would have been hard. I would have one dc well in primary school. Finding a holiday that will fit everuyone would be harder and more expensive. Taking the dcs to their after school activities also. And having a weekend with nothing planned at all. And finding it even harder to give some 1-1 time to each child. I can imagine all that but I can't imagine what that child would have brought to the family. Because that child would and it could have been reall really good iyswim.
dc2 has suspected AS and hasn't always been easy. Would that child have been more like dc1 (very 'grown up', clever type of child) or like dc2 (harder work in some respect) or something entirely different? Would that child just have slotted in or not? I just can't tell just as I can't tell how our life would have been wo dc2 apart from the fact it would have been cheaper....

I think money has to be taken into consideration when making such a decision. But most importantly, you need to be sure you want that, even if it turns out to be extremely hard work (eg twins, fivehundred case etc...). Otherwise you will regret it.

Also we were too scared to throw the dice again, bils baby died and dh supported his brother through the dreadful process came back from the hospital in tears and said no way are we risking going through that.

for all the heartbreaking situations on this thread.

We have two, Year 11 and Year 7

DC2 had a twin who was stillborn. DH (one of three) would have loved a fourth but due to me being so utterly broken and the diagnosis of my having a medical condition which could quite easily have led to multiple M/C I told him in no uncertain terms that if he wanted another child he'd bloody well have to go and find someone else to have it. There, outed self.

The world is built for four, sadly and PP are absolutely right about the absolutely ruinous cost of teens. I don't think that we would have coped in any respect, honestly as much as I still miss DC3 and think about them every day.

I'm recently pregnant with DC4, DC1 is 5 and DTs are 3 so will have gaps of 6 and 4 years by the time DC4 arrives.

obviously I never had 2 children but the jump from 1 to 3 was big in all ways: bigger house needed, bigger car, bigger food bill, bigger laundry pile, bigger noise but also bigger love, bigger fun bigger cuddles and a bigger family.

I hate being pregnant, I hate labour and birth, I have no desire for a newborn again but I do really really want a fourth child but for us it was really a 'bigger picture' decision. DH and I are both only children so our kids wont have extended family, and I just love the idea of a big house full of kids! I love the idea of the chaos!

yes there are days where I think 'wtf have we done?' but you have bad days no matter how many kids you have. just got to hope that it is only DC4 and not 4 and 5 this time! we are definitely stopping after this one. also we wanted an even number, the issue with 3 is usually 2 are playing and one is left out - generalisation I know but our house is much more harmonious when either just 2 are home or one of them has a friend over making 4.

we have accepted that money will be tight, second hand shopping will be essential and holidays will be camping not 5 star round the world trips but for us the sacrifices are worth it.

I have 3 and can't cope. It's too noisy, it's too much, someone's always crying / arguing / hungry / thirsty / dirty

But I love them all so much. They are all individual characters and when they're all in a big pile on the floor crawling over each other and laughing, it's all worth while.
But I have no money, the house and car are too small and I am knackered ALL the time

I have 2 lovely girls - 12 and 14 and never regret not having had more, not once. We "fit" together.

Overall its been amazing. We feel complete. Our family feels like a real team. The love between the kids is a delight to watch. They marayde about making each other howl with laughter and I stare at the three of them and think "I cannot believe I created that!" I love the warm loving chaos of our home.

I used the word 'chaos' in the last sentence deliberately because that is the only downside. Our lives were ordered, now they are chaos. We live in a messier house than I would like. Sometimes I fail to do homework with the older DCs. Sometimes I have to go to bed at 8pm because I am so tired. Sometimes I have a few hours with only two and I realise how easy life could have been!

But do I regret it? Not for a second.

Quiona - that's me too. I had three under the age of 4. I hadn't realised until I had my third how adamant I would be about not having another. Four was just too many to contemplate. Some people feel like that after one or two. To not have another child because you'll be able to afford more extra-curricular activities or nicer holidays will be good reasons for some people. We've managed to muddle through . . . and you can have ever so much fun camping!

You larger families should home exchange for holidays cost effective if more of you without having to bloody camp . We swapped with family with triplet boys then a girl...

Ah, but camping's good fun with children. We've had some fantastic family time sitting in a tent playing cards whilst it's pouring down outside. Actually, private apartment rental in mainland Europe through TripAdvisor is very reasonable - about half the price of renting something in the UK.

I have a 2yo DS after two older DDs (8 and 13). I always wanted another but DH was adamant he didn't; suddenly one day he did a complete U turn :)
The house is cramped, there are toys everywhere, DH is giving up his manshed to be transformed into a den/playhouse... But DS is the most adorable creature of all time and I can't imagine life without my little minion :)

KERALA and Smellslikesurgical

What worries me from what people are saying is that as much as I think I want this, I worry I wouldn't cope with the baby phase while trying to manage a toddler and a child in Reception. As you say Queenmarigold, I really struggle with constant noise, mess, demands etc of small children. So today, I've been alone with them from 6am and just finally got them settled bed, and with DH doing long hours & no local family help this isn't usual. So I'm bloody shattered. I'm shorter with my eldest than I should be cos I'm knackered and crowded and want some space and quiet. Adding a 3rd child into that mix?! I'm not good at thinking 'ah well today was shit, tomorrow is a new stsrt', I start to panic & think 'oh my god this is awful this will never get better...'

But...this is all symptomatic of small children, I wonder what it would be like with 3 older children/teenagers. Seems to me there's a lot of potential there for love & mutual support. As well as huge cost, as others have pointed out!!