To ask if for your honest view on regretting having or not having that third child?

[suddenlycupishalffull]

...I am genuinely torn over it...DS is 4, DS2 is 17 months...DH is enjoying 'getting our lives back' & the thought of another baby fills him with dread...we have 2 healthy, happy DC & I was fine during pregnancy & childbirth & he stresses we need to be grateful for that, which of course we do...but I see their childhoods already going so quickly (eldest starting big school in September, youngest already a toddler & no longer a baby) and don't feel really to let that go yet, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life without a doubt. Practically, it's not the right thing to do...I have no local family help, I suffered post-natal anxiety with both & don't like the chaos that lots of children brings...when I think of their futures, I hope we could take them on holidays, spend quality time with both, all of which DH says we will struggle to do with a 3rd child in the mix....and yet...my small family is not close at all and for various reasons I don't have a relationship with my relations (grandparents, aunts, cousins etc), I'd like something different for DC, I don't think a small family necessarily leads to happiness for children, I felt very isolated and alone at times. So...AIBU to ask whether you honestly have regretting having that 3rd child or regret having not gone for it?

We have three. I had a very, very strong yearning to have number three although the sensible thing would have been to stop at two. It has been really tough-dd2 is a shocking sleeper. But I know that I would always have wondered about the third and I have zero urge for number four. If you can talk yourself out of number three, it's probably sensible to stick at two!

I have 4 and although I love all my kids dearly, i wish I had stopped at 2 or 3. Life is hectic, too hectic and stressful even now the eldest are teenagers. They cost a fortune and I just have to work more and more hours to deal with it. My marriage has sufferred as I am permanently exhausted and grumpy. I feel if i had just stopped at 2 , life would be better for us all. i can't even console myself that the kids are close as they aren't, although I guess they may grow closer as they get older.

...but honestly, there isn't a huge amount that's "sensible" when considering having children!

If I hadn't had a change of DP between DC2&3 then no way would I have gone for a third. My first two were older than yours tho, and I was really enjoying having some time to myself. Not that we don't love DC3 now she's here obviously! But going back to the baby days was hard. Plus I'm now another seven years further from "freedom".

You youngest is 17 months. Still a baby really. Why not make the most of what you have for now? Neither of you sound that keen.

No yearning whatsoever

A brief wobble when my second was 18 months but the thought of years of paying for more childcare, no sleep, poor health in pregnancy, no social life, and a frequently absent DH meant I took a pragmatic view and we stuck with 2

Never regretted it

I have 3. Slightly different in that Numbers 1 & 2 are twins, so Number 3 was my 2nd pregnancy. I wouldn't swap her for the world and she really has completed our family, and I do love the chaos that comes with it, but it is hard. We don't have family close by and I work p/t and I do think the "getting your life back together' is a valid argument. Going out together, leaving the children with a babysitter, more sleep, more couple time - all things that will be put off if you have another.

I longed for another, for lots of reasons, some to do with the family, some to do with me personally (getting over premature birth of the twins I think - wanted that "normal" experience). But the expense is a big factor - extra maternity leave, potentially reduced hours for longer, never (and I mean never) getting a decent priced holiday because there are 5 of you, clothing, food, after school activities, birthdays, Christmas. And thats not even counting the extension we're going to have to do so they can all have a room and the big car we have.

And then its the timing issue. School work x 3, taxi service x 3, just bedtime reading with 3. Its hard. I couldn't disagree more with a previous poster who said its like having 2. Just in my experience, its obviously 50% more work, more drain on your time (in the nicest possible sense!). More bickering, more mess!

But when they all get on and are giggling together, its wonderful. And the relationships they have - Number 2 and 3 from the outset (Number 1 wasn't really interested to start with but they're close now) - are wonderful. They are really quite close. And as others have said, Number 3 has put paid to any desire I had for another one .

I still think we made the right decision but it does have far reaching consequences and potentially not something you should be considering maybe if you're questioning the impact it would have.

I have sd age 7 that we half 4 days a week and a DD age 3. I honestly thought that would do me and it hasn't. When sd isn't here the house is so empty so I'm pregnant with the next. Technically 3 I suppose and no regrets at all I'd love more but I'm getting too old

It's hard to be honest when you have three because you dont want to wish one of them not to have been born.

But mine are teens and Im finding them bloody hard work. And they're not difficult children. It was a doddle until they go to early teens but has got harder and harder. Having two to concentrate on would make life enormously easier. Not to mention cheaper.

I hope it gets easier again when they get a bit older and I enjoy their adult company, but at the moment I'm exhausted.

Like pp I had twins first. Lots of ppl said, 'you're done then', but I really wanted to be pregnant again, so it was Def going to be 3. I had 3 under 3 and there were quite a few days where I said 'what have I done'. Three is Def messy. Quite simply two parents n two kids makes sense in the early days. But I wouldn't change it, in fact, I'd happily have 4th. Personally I'd never make a decision on finances as those things can always change whereas fertility runs out! However we had to make massive sacrifices and don't spend anything except necessities. I also don't live in London or similar so outgoings not so crazy.
Good luck!

I have 2 and I kind of wish I had three.

We had two close together but a few years later I yearned for a third, DH was on the fence. Not regretted her for a moment and neither has DH.

My third is severely disabled due to a difficult birth and has caused all sorts of stress and financial breakdown in our family. Had to give up work, I had health issues due to birth, it affected my relationship with DH and marriage is on the rocks and DS1 and DD have missed out on a lot of normal things now because it's too hard to manage with DS2's disabilities. So I do regret having a third, especially as DH was reluctant and I was pushing the issue. Had made all sorts of assumptions about him just slotting into the family which is just impossible now. I pushed our luck too far and it's come back to bite me .

I have three. All girls, and now aged 19, 16 and 12, so very much older than many mentioned here.

I always wanted three, though I will admit that the decision to actually go from two children to three was a much bigger one than to go from one child to two. I don't regret any of them and love them all to bits. Financially and in practical terms though it has been hard. Very hard.

We had to move house for additional space, we had to change our car etc. etc. All on one salary because having a third meant a lot more years of being an SAHM than I had originally intended. Indeed, at some points I actually wondered whether I would ever make it back to work, but I finally did it last year.

If you are both happy to have a third then go for it. Your DH's opinion is very valid too though.

We were definite that for us third was definitely final, and my DH had the snip afterwards to ensure that there could be no accidental fourth.

The dynamic can be tricky occasionally, and for us it has been as follows:

DD1 (19) and DD2 (16) are very different. They get on OK with each other, but have little in common really and are not particularly close.

DD1 and DD2 have loads in common and are pretty close despite the 7 year age gap. They both do try to include DD2 in things they do, but although she does join them sometimes, she often just prefers to be one on her own and do her own thing. DD2 doesn't really click with either of them properly.

Both DD1 and DD3 are tops academically. DD1 is already at uni and DD3 also seems to plan on going. DD2 is not academic and will struggle with her GCSEs. She is more practical though than the other two. I think she will be my non-student, and we are currently still hoping she will be able to get an apprenticeship of some sort. Not proving easy though.

That is just an essay about how it is for us, and the considerations you may have to make.

I regret not starting my family earlier so that so could have 3 dc, now in my 40's with 2 live but problematic pregnancies behind me it's impossible. I do love my 2 (luckily one of each) and I am very lucky that they are here when they nearly didn't make it. But I do yearn for number 3 when I see babies out in their pranks

fivehundred

I'm torn at the moment. I'd just had my implant out and within two week's a potential opportunity has arisen that's put TTC on hold for the rest of the year. Meanwhile with a 2 and 4 year old, life is begining to get a little simpler, and 3 would put me back again, particularly following painful pregnancies and births with slow recoveries.

It's definitely a battle of heart versus brains. We can afford 3, so there's not a practical limitation. There is on time, not so much for me, but DH is 10 years older, and we want adult children before we retire!

You have plenty of time I had an 18 year gap and love having a teenager around again. Don`t rush it unless you fear infertility.

To be really honest, we stopped at 2. I wanted 3 dcs but DH was completely set against it (similar issues) and there was no way we would have another child wo his full support.

The reality is NEVER like 'Oh I wih I had one more' or 'I wish we stopped before'. You adapt to the new situation and opportunities that arise in one situation that wouldn't be there if you were in the other.
So it's easier to say let's go away with 2 dcs, give them your full attention etc... than with 3 dcs. But with 3 dcs you get to have the 'baby' stage again etc...
In reality, you would probably enjoy and appreciate either of them. And you will also find some downsides to both too.

The issue is more about not concentrating so much on what you have 'lost' by not having a 3rd child/keeping to 2dcs rather than concentrating on what opportunites you have now iyswim.

I'm pregnant with number 3 and there are definitely days when I dread her being born. She wasn't planned and initially not really wanted. But then I never really bond with my babies in utero, plus I'm not enjoying my pregnancy at the moment, so I'm sure I'll love her when she's born. I know it will be hard and I'm not looking forward to going through various stages again (sleepless nights, potty training etc) and the impact it will have financially and logistically.

This all sounds very negative, but the older two are currently going through difficult phases which is making me feel even more nervous of having a third than usual! I wouldn't have chosen to have a third at this point, but I tell myself that they are only small for a while and things will get easier. Ds will start school next September and Dd , the oldest, is exited about getting a sister and usually very good and helpful. It'll be fine.

Name changed for this as I will probably get flamed.
I have 2 DC and am really happy .
I dont know a single family with 3 DC or more who don't spend all their time moaning about how stressful their lives are, how hard it is,daily and career wise etc.
My SIL/BIL have 4 and are just doing the basics of parenting, no joy or fun ,just doing the basic stuff somewhat grudgingly. Its just a round of feeding, washing, housework and drudgery.

I am expecting number 4 but just wanted to say that imo the chaos increased significantly between number 2 and number 3. Washing, mealtimes everything seemed to be doubled.

However I love the chaos and would hate a quiet organised house. I do regret that I have little time with each of them on their own.

I know we are going to be a permanent taxi service in years to come as we are 15 mins from a town. I have a lot of family support and DH and I both work part time, space/etc not a problem. If I didn't have the backup it would be v different, it is hard to ask anyone to mind 3 children, especially all young, even for a couple of hours. Also big families don't mean happy families, of my friends, the one who is closest to her parents and cousins/aunts/ grandparents is one of two.

So honestly I don't regret it but I'm not in your shoes.

I have 3 -all close together and all late teens early twenties. I think if you have 3 you have to have them close together. I would not have liked having
a baby with an 5 and 7 year old. All the things you would have started to be able to do together would have been stopped by the arrival of a baby.Three is great but I would have liked to have evened it up with 4!

I have three, 10, 7.5 and the baby is nearly a year old. I had terrible PND with the older ones so was terrified it would happen again but it hasn't. I'm so glad we had her, she brings so much joy to our (very stressful) lives :)