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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask this waitress what her problem is?

119 replies

Volleyhang · 12/05/2015 19:57

Central London-ish restaurant. Tucked down a backstreet. I am a regular regular. Have been going twice a week for 5 years. Always seen the same waitress so she knows I'm a regular, but the last twelve times or so, she has treated me with what I can only describe as contempt.

When I walk in to wait for a table, she notices I am there but ignores me for (it has been up to) 20 mins when the restaurant is empty. About five of these times she has tried to seat the people in the queue behind me (skirted round me to ask them how many they are) and each time they have stated that I am in the queue in front of them. She has rolled her eyes and without looking at me said "you can go over there." Once I sit she ignores me again for up to 20 mins (when it's virtually empty) until I catch her attention (on the third or fourth attempt) to get a menu - or another waiter, serving a different side of the restaurant, comes to serve me.

Two of these times I have tried to come in with my push chair (and 6mo baby) and she has refused me entry despite there being other women with babies in the restaurant at the same time. When I have pointed this out to her she has shrugged her shoulders and walked off.

She often refuses to serve me dishes on the menu even though I see other people have them!

I realise this sounds very Fawlty-Towers-esque as I'm writing, but honest to God this is what happens!

One time I asked if I could have a seat at the back for a work meeting (which was free, not reserved the right number of people) and she said no. I tried explaining why I needed it - for a quiet, private meeting, if she'd be so kind etc, and she was affronted and said absolutely not for health and safety reasons. My colleague entered - who was meeting me give minutes later - didnNt see me when he came in and asked her for the exact same table for the same reasons and she gave it to him!

I tried to counteract it when it first started happening by leaving her a series of generous tips. I thought if she had taken offence at me for some reason over the years that I could cover it by showing my appreciation. It hasn't worked.

My DD has never has a screaming fit in there. I have never knowingly insulted her. I have always tipped well. I have never been rude or sniffy or treated her disrespectfully. I am trying to run through a list of anything I could have done.

I know you'll say move to a different restaurant - and I will - but before that WIBU to ask her what her problem is?

OP posts:

BigChocFrenzy · 13/05/2015 07:37

Doesn't matter if you expressed erotic fantasies about Farage and hot choc sauce. She should be polite to a customer and throw up later.

LividofLondinium · 13/05/2015 07:57

Volley, if you dislike confrontation so don't want to discuss it with her (fair enough) and don't want to phone up and ask to speak to the manager in case it's her (again, fair enough), why not ask another member of staff who the manager is? Then, assuming it's not her, simply ask to speak to that person?
Is there not the option of being served by other staff?

LividofLondinium · 13/05/2015 08:04

"Maybe she's conducting her very own social experiment to see how far you'll go to reward her for her bad behaviour"

Of maybe this is part of a reality TV show and suddenly the producer will appear with a clipboard asking for permission to show all the undercover film of her treating you like shit. She's an actress playing the part of a horrible service provider, for the show "When Waitresses Go Bad and Customers Take It"

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/05/2015 08:09

I still think she'll be spitting in your food and you shouldn't ever eat there again.

RusticBlush · 13/05/2015 08:26

She might think you fancy her

imjustahead · 13/05/2015 08:28

winewolfhowls

haha

Biscetti · 13/05/2015 11:04

I want to know hat the restaurant is...

Biscetti · 13/05/2015 11:04

Or even what.

Timri · 13/05/2015 11:18

I want to know too. So I can go and work there.
More tips for less effort, sounds great!!!

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 13/05/2015 15:58

Does she think you have a thing for her OH?

Patapouf · 13/05/2015 16:52

Bloody hell!

I don't think I'd leave her any tip, moody cow.

alleypalley · 13/05/2015 17:06

I too really want to know which restaurant it is.

Also I'm really surprised that you can be a regular somewhere for 5 years and not know who the manager is. Is the place an independent, or part of a chain?

rootypig · 13/05/2015 21:46

Volley never complain, never explain! Don't back anything up, you'll just get dragged into an unseemly fight.

Try to practise a calm, unhurried expression and posture. So you ask her: "I would like to know why you are always so rude to me" (important to state that she is as a fact). Then keep your relaxed posture and wait, no shuffling, a light smile. If she says she has no idea what you're talking about, a head tilt and still the smile, and then a very long pause (she should find this more uncomfortable than you, since you're anticipating it). If she says nothing more, after this long silence you can say "how funny, I must have imagined it", but in a tone that leaves little room for doubt that you know you haven't. Then turn on your heel. And go back for lunch another day, and see if her humour has magically improved

If she starts stammering explanations (though, I doubt it), keep your counsel too, she'll just have to keep talking.

Silence coupled with a slight smile is SO disconcerting.

Kiwiinkits · 13/05/2015 23:23

Update please!!!

HellRunner · 13/05/2015 23:32

No point confronting her or you will always be wondering if she woukd spit in your food. Eat elsewhere.

Fatmomma99 · 13/05/2015 23:36

OMG, I've also bookmarked this thread. You HAVE to let us know. Please, please do. And we all also REALLY want to know the restaurant. And I'm really envious that you regularly eat out twice a week. I hope you are a porker! (btw, and that's not really part of the thread, just my jealousy!)

It's a VERY different thing if it's a chain or an independent, and you haven't said which. A chain will have policies, and an independent stands and falls by it's reputation. So if you won't let us know the name, please (at least) let us know that.

There are some assertive things you can do, as others have said. And using silence is a massive weapon. Apparently. Wouldn't know, as can't keep my own gob shut! But it works on The Apprentice!

Good luck,and have some garlic bread and think of me (and hope bitch waitress from hell hasn't gobbed in it!)

MiscellaneousAssortment · 14/05/2015 00:15

I hope you sort it out, once a place is part of your friendship dynamics, you can get locked into going and i so I understand why you have kept on going.

Defo find out who the manager is.

Maybe she got promoted to manager and now wants to put her stamp on the place? Like other posters am struggling to come up with reasons...

Buxtonstill · 14/05/2015 02:50

Find another restaurant to go to.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/05/2015 19:29

We need an update OP.

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