To ask this waitress what her problem is?

[Volleyhang]

Central London-ish restaurant. Tucked down a backstreet. I am a regular regular. Have been going twice a week for 5 years. Always seen the same waitress so she knows I'm a regular, but the last twelve times or so, she has treated me with what I can only describe as contempt.

When I walk in to wait for a table, she notices I am there but ignores me for (it has been up to) 20 mins when the restaurant is empty. About five of these times she has tried to seat the people in the queue behind me (skirted round me to ask them how many they are) and each time they have stated that I am in the queue in front of them. She has rolled her eyes and without looking at me said "you can go over there." Once I sit she ignores me again for up to 20 mins (when it's virtually empty) until I catch her attention (on the third or fourth attempt) to get a menu - or another waiter, serving a different side of the restaurant, comes to serve me.

Two of these times I have tried to come in with my push chair (and 6mo baby) and she has refused me entry despite there being other women with babies in the restaurant at the same time. When I have pointed this out to her she has shrugged her shoulders and walked off.

She often refuses to serve me dishes on the menu even though I see other people have them!

I realise this sounds very Fawlty-Towers-esque as I'm writing, but honest to God this is what happens!

One time I asked if I could have a seat at the back for a work meeting (which was free, not reserved the right number of people) and she said no. I tried explaining why I needed it - for a quiet, private meeting, if she'd be so kind etc, and she was affronted and said absolutely not for health and safety reasons. My colleague entered - who was meeting me give minutes later - didnNt see me when he came in and asked her for the exact same table for the same reasons and she gave it to him!

I tried to counteract it when it first started happening by leaving her a series of generous tips. I thought if she had taken offence at me for some reason over the years that I could cover it by showing my appreciation. It hasn't worked.

My DD has never has a screaming fit in there. I have never knowingly insulted her. I have always tipped well. I have never been rude or sniffy or treated her disrespectfully. I am trying to run through a list of anything I could have done.

I know you'll say move to a different restaurant - and I will - but before that WIBU to ask her what her problem is?

[Hassled]

So many, many questions but Number One is - why the fuck do you keep going back for this shit? There are a lot of restaurants in Central London.

If you really hate confrontation (which I get) then write to the manager and say what you've said here.

[Stealthpolarbear]

lurking, I want to know

[EugenesAxe]

I'd like to find out what happens along with everyone else. You must speak to management of course; I wouldn't bother confronting her.

As to why... I'd probably consider all the normal predjudices people have. If you eat there regularly and are a businesswoman as well as a mother she may envy your lifestyle and success; if you are slim/beautiful as well that may compound things! You may have an 'air' that you don't perceive but that comes over to others - ask your friends?

Frankly, even if you said something that she overheard and was offended by, she should suck it up and be professional.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I would speak to the manager and then not go back

[SaucyJack]

Are you afflicted with Bitchy Resting Face and she's taken it personally?

[londonrach]

Id have gone after 10 minutes of no contact. Why you wait?

[FuckingLiability]

I wouldn't keep going back there, that's for sure. And I'd certainly make it clear to the manager why I wasn't coming back.

[oneowlgirl]

Are you an ex of her boyfriend? Did she over hear you slagging her off?? Otherwise it all sounds very strange to me & I agree with everyone else, I'd complain to the manager as it's unacceptable.

[Although I can be a cheeky mare & likely I'd actually ask her very loudly what her problem is & then take my custom elsewhere.]

[FarFromAnyRoad]

Please OP - please tell us why you've not raised this with the manager of the place?
I get that you don't want to give in - I'd probably be like that too just to force the issue. It's not an attractive trait!

[Tryharder]

How strange!

Why not ask her directly what the problem is? If you write to the manager, you'll be fobbed off with apologies and will never know the real answer.

I can't see how she'd be jealous- you are just a customer in a restaurant- she doesn't know you. I agree with whoever said that she thinks you are someone else.

I certainly wouldn't be tipping her!

Waiting staff in Central London are notoriously rude though. I was once sneered at by a waiter in Covent Garden because I could only afford to order a peppermint tea after a very expensive meal. Cunt.

[DoItTooJulia]

How wierd. Don't keep paying for that shitty service-vote with your wallet.

[fairgame]

What do the other waiting staff do? Have they noticed?

[rootypig]

How strange. Yes ask her. Practise a light, pleasant voice, smile, and then say "I would like to know why you are always so rude to me." Then stand there. Don't say anything else, just smile, and wait. Whatever she says, wait some more - she'll probably come out with a bit more.

Then report her to her manager.

[ivykaty44]

Where does this waitress work..?

[Charlie97]

I cannot understand why you would stand for 20 minutes in an empty restaurant and

A ask what the problem is

B walk away

Strange behaviour on both counts I think

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

Perhaps she thinks you're someone else who did something offensive to her at some point.

Are you very attractive and her DP fancies you?

I, too, would like to know the restaurant.

[Fairy13]

Are you the new girlfriend of one of her exs? Or look like one? Anything like that?

I think it's a case of mistaken identity.

But I also think you need to speak to her manager. You can't keep going in and tipping her!

[QuintShhhhhh]

5 years huh.

She sees you there, serving you Food, week after week, while Your life changes, work, babies, friends.

And she is still bloody there waiting on Your table.


You can sort of see why she is not progressing in life, though.

[Bippertyboppertyboo]

volley the only tip I'd leave her is ' be nice to your customers '

Fgs speak to her manager , nobody should be treated like that

[RusticBlush]

Could she think you're stalking her ?

[FuckingLiability]

I think she is probably just a rude cow and has sensed the OP is eager to please so is taking the opportunity to bully her.

[CupidStuntSurvivor]

And you keep returning, saying nothing to either her or her manager, waiting to be seated, being turned away, being ignored, being denied your menu choice, and not just paying for the privilege but tipping her better to try to get her to like you again?

You kind of need to either speak to her manager (ask for an explanation, don't just tell them what's happening) or vote with your feet.

[DinosaursRoar]

I would either talk to the manager, or go elsewhere, while also telling everyone that youve stopped going because the staff are really rude.

[Aermingers]

Something similar once happened to me, but it was a shop. I found out the guy had found out what company I worked for and disapproved. (His reasons for doing so were sound, I later discovered some employees were defrauding customers, basically stealing cash they'd given for payments and pocketing it).

Does she maybe think you are patronising her by giving her generous tips?

[AgathaChristie01]

I've had a similarish experience in a shop, in my local shopping centre. I think a shop assistant there mixes me up with someone else. She glares at me, when I go in. I just glare right back . I don't know her, she doesn't know me. The rest of the staff are really nice, so I just avoid her.
In your case, OP, if you want to keep going there, I'd suggest asking her what her problem is, or bringing it up with her boss.