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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask this waitress what her problem is?

119 replies

Volleyhang · 12/05/2015 19:57

Central London-ish restaurant. Tucked down a backstreet. I am a regular regular. Have been going twice a week for 5 years. Always seen the same waitress so she knows I'm a regular, but the last twelve times or so, she has treated me with what I can only describe as contempt.

When I walk in to wait for a table, she notices I am there but ignores me for (it has been up to) 20 mins when the restaurant is empty. About five of these times she has tried to seat the people in the queue behind me (skirted round me to ask them how many they are) and each time they have stated that I am in the queue in front of them. She has rolled her eyes and without looking at me said "you can go over there." Once I sit she ignores me again for up to 20 mins (when it's virtually empty) until I catch her attention (on the third or fourth attempt) to get a menu - or another waiter, serving a different side of the restaurant, comes to serve me.

Two of these times I have tried to come in with my push chair (and 6mo baby) and she has refused me entry despite there being other women with babies in the restaurant at the same time. When I have pointed this out to her she has shrugged her shoulders and walked off.

She often refuses to serve me dishes on the menu even though I see other people have them!

I realise this sounds very Fawlty-Towers-esque as I'm writing, but honest to God this is what happens!

One time I asked if I could have a seat at the back for a work meeting (which was free, not reserved the right number of people) and she said no. I tried explaining why I needed it - for a quiet, private meeting, if she'd be so kind etc, and she was affronted and said absolutely not for health and safety reasons. My colleague entered - who was meeting me give minutes later - didnNt see me when he came in and asked her for the exact same table for the same reasons and she gave it to him!

I tried to counteract it when it first started happening by leaving her a series of generous tips. I thought if she had taken offence at me for some reason over the years that I could cover it by showing my appreciation. It hasn't worked.

My DD has never has a screaming fit in there. I have never knowingly insulted her. I have always tipped well. I have never been rude or sniffy or treated her disrespectfully. I am trying to run through a list of anything I could have done.

I know you'll say move to a different restaurant - and I will - but before that WIBU to ask her what her problem is?

OP posts:

BaronVonShush · 12/05/2015 21:43

Yep, another for talking to the manager.

Or ask her directly why she is ignoring you and being monumentally rude.

DixieNormas · 12/05/2015 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PercyGherkin · 12/05/2015 21:48

Speak to the manager and accept you should never, ever eat in there again - what do you think is going to happen in to your food after that...?!

derenstar · 12/05/2015 21:58

Just think what she might be doing to your food...!!

The answer to your question OP is simple: because she can and because YOU allow her to. Most sane people would have voted with their feet and wallet eons ago. Five years huh, why have you allowed it to go on fo so long??

LividofLondinium · 12/05/2015 22:08

She's been rude to you the last 12 times and you've (I'm assuming) not reported her to the manager?! And you've left her bigger tips?!

Gabilan · 12/05/2015 22:13

Five years huh, why have you allowed it to go on fo so long??

It's been the last 12 times or so according to the OP so if she goes there 2x a week, it's been going on or a few weeks.

OP, whatever you do, don't leave her bigger tips for poorer service. You're just rewarding poor service.

ConnortheMonkey · 12/05/2015 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hiddenhome · 12/05/2015 22:18

Perhaps she thinks you're a masochist and are secretly enjoying it

Yellowbird54321 · 12/05/2015 22:20

Hmm, interesting that she's only starting being like this over the past few weeks (i.e. last twelve times you've been) though.
Something has changed / happened..........does sound personal somehow. Do you think she has an issue with someone you know and is sort of taking it out on you by proxy sort of thing?

I used to see a woman cyclist around a lot where I used to live, I always felt I knew her from somewhere but couldn't think where, anyway she always gave me very obvious dirty looks whenever she saw me - I mean really pointedly obvious - I couldn't fathom why and in the end just I did the same back. I still don't know who she is or what her problem is but there musht have been something!
I don't see her since I moved anyway and haven't thought of her 'til I saw this thread - but it was weird
I think in your case OP I'd be tempted to ask outright what her problem is then dependent on response, complain to manager and find another restaurant.

Fleecyleesy · 12/05/2015 22:21

I'm another who'd worry about what she does to the food!

I wiuld ask her straight out why she treats you like this.

Allstoppedup · 12/05/2015 22:24

Shamelessly place marking!

I vote for mistaken identity/ an ex of someone you've dated or a close friend of an ex.

Grasping at straws (because it doesn't read like it in your OP) but is it possible that as you are a "regular" you give off an entitled vibe that because you are there regularly you take priority/deserve special treatment and so she is going out of her way to do the opposite?

Still, there's no excuse. It sounds really odd that she'd be so blatantly rude, I can't believe you haven't called her on it before! I can see how some stuff would slide but I'd have spoken to the manager over both the buggy incident and the work meeting.

KrustyKrunch · 12/05/2015 22:24

You actually soundlike a doormat. Why on earth are you still eating there?

revealall · 12/05/2015 22:25

The op says she haps been going for 5 years so it obviously means so something to her.
Something has happened.
Can't you you say something directly to the waitress seeing as how you are a regular? You might not like confrontation but she still has to be professional as the waitress so it's not as if she can stand arguing or anything. Perhaps she has mistaken you for a customer that nicked all the silverware or something?

HopefulHamster · 12/05/2015 22:28

Ask her/talk to the manager. Trying to guess is getting you nowhere. But update us if you can!

ProfessorPickles · 12/05/2015 22:28

Place marking, I love these threads.
I can't imagine what her issue is suddenly after all of this time!

cerealqueen · 12/05/2015 22:32

Intrigued. Are you sure you aren't her nemesis / school bully from childhood????

Hope this isn't a plot for a book, can just see it......

Snowflake15 · 12/05/2015 22:33

She sounds soooo rude - I bet she thinks you're one of her bfs ex's or a friends ex or something! I'd have to ask her just cos I'm nosey

DonVitoCorleone · 12/05/2015 22:34

If you speak to the manager you will probably get an apology from him/her and a promise that they will speak to the waitress, but you'll never actually know what the problem was.

Id ask her next time i was in, then never go there again, because no matter what her problem is she should still be professional at work

derenstar · 12/05/2015 22:36

It's been the last 12 times or so according to the OP so if she goes there 2x a week, it's been going on or a few weeks.

Either way, one episode of rudeness would have been it for most people (well, for me anyway but then I again I don't suffer fools)

porkpieandgin · 12/05/2015 22:40

I run a central London pub. Think posh pub with dining room. I would be mortified if I found this had happened with any of my customers and would want to rectify it immediately and sit my waitress down and find out what was going on. By all means PM me with the restaurant name (chances are I'll know it... it's a small world!) and I will hook you up with the best person to contact?
I really can't think of any reason why any of the waitresses would treat you this way.

Shakey1500 · 12/05/2015 22:41

I'm on the "confront her directly" bus. Specifically the next time she refuses a reasonable request. The manager alone should know you're a regular yes? So outline the day's particular issue and extend it with other examples. And stop tipping!

I don't see why you should go elsewhere if she's the only drawback. If it's convenient, good food etc

Timri · 12/05/2015 22:57

Also shamelessly marking place. How bizarre!
To be honest, I wouldn't stop going either, I'd just complain to management each and every time.
I'm sure she'd soon get the message?

Koalafications · 12/05/2015 23:02

I agree with everyone else speak to her manager! The food/location must be amazing.

TRexingInAsda · 12/05/2015 23:03

Yep ask her - we all need to know what her problem is now! Or get the manager to ask her. Sorry isn't good enough either - MN needs an actual explanation. I suspect mistaken identity or she's just a horrible person.

BadLad · 12/05/2015 23:04

You left a bigger tip for bad service?

Gobsmacked by the cluelessness.

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