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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask this waitress what her problem is?

119 replies

Volleyhang · 12/05/2015 19:57

Central London-ish restaurant. Tucked down a backstreet. I am a regular regular. Have been going twice a week for 5 years. Always seen the same waitress so she knows I'm a regular, but the last twelve times or so, she has treated me with what I can only describe as contempt.

When I walk in to wait for a table, she notices I am there but ignores me for (it has been up to) 20 mins when the restaurant is empty. About five of these times she has tried to seat the people in the queue behind me (skirted round me to ask them how many they are) and each time they have stated that I am in the queue in front of them. She has rolled her eyes and without looking at me said "you can go over there." Once I sit she ignores me again for up to 20 mins (when it's virtually empty) until I catch her attention (on the third or fourth attempt) to get a menu - or another waiter, serving a different side of the restaurant, comes to serve me.

Two of these times I have tried to come in with my push chair (and 6mo baby) and she has refused me entry despite there being other women with babies in the restaurant at the same time. When I have pointed this out to her she has shrugged her shoulders and walked off.

She often refuses to serve me dishes on the menu even though I see other people have them!

I realise this sounds very Fawlty-Towers-esque as I'm writing, but honest to God this is what happens!

One time I asked if I could have a seat at the back for a work meeting (which was free, not reserved the right number of people) and she said no. I tried explaining why I needed it - for a quiet, private meeting, if she'd be so kind etc, and she was affronted and said absolutely not for health and safety reasons. My colleague entered - who was meeting me give minutes later - didnNt see me when he came in and asked her for the exact same table for the same reasons and she gave it to him!

I tried to counteract it when it first started happening by leaving her a series of generous tips. I thought if she had taken offence at me for some reason over the years that I could cover it by showing my appreciation. It hasn't worked.

My DD has never has a screaming fit in there. I have never knowingly insulted her. I have always tipped well. I have never been rude or sniffy or treated her disrespectfully. I am trying to run through a list of anything I could have done.

I know you'll say move to a different restaurant - and I will - but before that WIBU to ask her what her problem is?

OP posts:

FarFromAnyRoad · 12/05/2015 23:06

Is the OP coming back? Very kind of a pp to offer help - you'd think she'd at least come back and acknowledge that!
And after Liftzilla what are we christening this one? Caffzilla? Waitzilla? Spitzilla - wonder if she does?!

winewolfhowls · 12/05/2015 23:19

Maybe she misheard something you said like you said i would like some cabbage and she heard fat baggage and thought you were insulting her?

IfNotNowThenWhen · 12/05/2015 23:26

Are you fucking her husband and forgot to mention that part?

ItsADinosaur · 12/05/2015 23:32

12 times? You really should have done something about it by now.

Original poster

Volleyhang · 12/05/2015 23:34

I said up thread in a response that the reason I tipped her more was in case I had caused offence. I mean, I can't recall doing anything bad or under tipping, so just in case I had, I wanted to overtip and see if that changed anything. It was an experiment.

I will PM the kind pp on here and see who I need to speak to.

OP posts:

Original poster

Volleyhang · 12/05/2015 23:37

Plus I keep going back because that's where I like to go and up until 6 weeks ago it was great! Also it's where all my friends go and we all meet there. It's the meeting place! So even if I was boycotting it, I would
Still have to meet there to go out with friendso

OP posts:

MilesHuntsWig · 12/05/2015 23:50

Another vote for speak to manager here. Could you not persuade your friends to go somewhere else and explain to the manager why they've lost all your business?

Either that or just ask her outright.

Original poster

Volleyhang · 13/05/2015 00:02

If I ask her outright, what do I do if she tells me she has no idea what I'm talking about? That I must be the one with the problem to have felt anything. Or if she says "1000 people a day pass through this restaurant and you think that I am targeting you?" It makes me look stupid.

Do I have to wait til she does something again and then say "what is yor problem?" Then have an incident to back it up with.

OP posts:

TRexingInAsda · 13/05/2015 00:08

She will say that probably, but she'll know and you'll know that she knows what you're talking about! Maybe 'Well maybe you haven't noticed you're doing it, but I have so can you stop it now please?' and she'll say yes. Then if she does it again, say 'you're doing it again..' and tell her exactly what she's doing while she's doing it. (Then eat somewhere else - but update mn first please).

Nanny0gg · 13/05/2015 00:14

You still haven't said why you haven't called the manager over - when she refused to let your baby in, when you've been waiting for ages to be served, when she passed you over in the queue.

All valid times.

Original poster

Volleyhang · 13/05/2015 00:19

nannyogg because I am one of these people who gets stunned into compliance when somebody busts my boundaries and only brood on it after the fact. But you are right, those were all valid times and I should have called the manager over.

Although I suspect she IS the manager. Doesn't make much difference tho, ey?

OP posts:

MilesHuntsWig · 13/05/2015 00:24

How odd. Sounds rotten, try to persuade your friends to try somewhere new I reckon. Good luck.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/05/2015 00:43

I'm guessing she's overheard you discuss something contentious. Politics, or some other social issue where opinions can be polarised. And she has decided that she thinks you're a twat because of it.

I imagine it must be easy as a member of waiting staff to be politely professional with a customer who youve taken a dislike to because of their manner or opinion if you know you their visit was a One-off. But it must be harder to be professional with customers whose views you detest if you know they're going to be in twice a week.

So my guess is she's taken umbrage at something she's heard you discussing.

TendonQueen · 13/05/2015 00:45

If she says 'I don't know what you're talking about', then you look her in the eye and say 'Come on now. You know exactly what I'm talking about'. Give her a chance to speak. I am guessing she'll just fudge it. Assuming she does, you then say: 'this needs to stop now. If you have a problem with me, you tell me what it is right this minute, or I'll speak to the manager instead'. Rehearse it and don't lose your nerve!

The other option is to get your friends to back you up, if they've all seen it. When you're next in as a group, ask for the manager to come over to your table and say 'That waitress is consistently rude to me and we all want to tell you, as regular customers, how unhappy we are about it'.

TendonQueen · 13/05/2015 00:47

curly while I'm not waiting staff, I do have to work in regular contact with some people whose views appal me. I don't behave like this. It just can't be done.

KenAdams · 13/05/2015 01:10

She's overheard something you said. Did you vote UKIP or something?

Coyoacan · 13/05/2015 02:10

Apart from the obvious speak to the manager, if I were you I would stop leaving tips. Heck, with the cost of living being what it is, the saving on tips could make it worth putting up with some bad service.

One of my local restaurants had some really unpleasant waitresses and at one point I finally decided to stop giving tips, if I had to go in. You know, the service improved with the lack of tips. In fact, I had to start giving tips again very soon because the improvement was so significant.

MokunMokun · 13/05/2015 02:26

Maybe she saw you out somewhere and you didn't recognise her so blanked her? Maybe she misheard you say something.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/05/2015 02:26

She sounds terrible! but yes, you need to do something. If you're one who collapses when challenged, then I suggest that you do it while you're there with your friends - you say they've noticed she avoids your table if you're there too, so they'll agree with you.
If you want to go the PA route - take a stopwatch with you. Start it when you enter the restaurant, see how long she takes to seat you. Write it down, ostentatiously. Start it again when you're seated, see how long it takes to get a menu/how long to get your order taken/how long to get served etc. Write it all down.

Actually you know what - I wouldn't go back, she's probably spitting in your food.

Motortrader · 13/05/2015 02:32

Buy the restaurant and sack the bitch!

FishWithABicycle · 13/05/2015 03:58

Do you have memory of her being normal prior to 6 weeks ago or is she new?

Icimoi · 13/05/2015 07:03

Surely when she gave your colleague the table that for health and safety reasons she wouldn't give to you, you would have asked her why it was OK for the colleague and not for you?

PureMorning · 13/05/2015 07:13

I'd shit on the cafe on trip advisor and take my business elsewhere.

BigChocFrenzy · 13/05/2015 07:32

I also suspect she overheard / misheard part of your conversation one day: termination / religion / politics / benefits are some topics that the terminally intolerant can fix on.

Don't go there alone again; wait for friends to accompany you and tell them in advance why, so they'll stand up for you and bear witness - if it happens when you are together, call the manager. If she is the manager, then the group of you should tell her you won't return. No point paying to be humiliated.

pixienott · 13/05/2015 07:34

Maybe she's conducting her very own social experiment to see how far you'll go to reward her for her bad behaviour. Like an inversely proportional dog treat. Stop tipping!

Either that our she heard something you said. Do you own a buy to let?

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