To think even the term OW has an expiry date

[OWisaFeminsta]

I've namechanged as I do not want to link my other MN life to this.

I have been with my husband for a number of years, we have DC and he has another from his first marriage. I met him while he was still married and remained friendly with one another, some time thereafter, he separated and we dated and later filed for a divorce.

She blamed me for their breakup and went and still goes to length to disparage me to anyone - school gate mums, neighbours, colleagues since my marriage. Today, this woman has done something horrible to me and I am shaking.

The ex still blames me and because we live near a village that they both grew up in, she intentionally, close to a decade later, instigates divisions between myself and all others, mostly women, in my village at the school gate and her friends.

But I am not to blame, they had problems, she knew about them. Something she selectively forgot is before I came along, they had the previous year broken up and got back on learning she is pregnant. Why has she forgotten about the counselling they went through to try and revive their relationship? Did she think that they went for counselling because they had a "strong" relationship?

Am I unreasonable:
to think its disingenuous to blame the breakup of her already fraught marriage on me?
to think she and my ex are primarily the reason her "son does not have a 2 parent home"?
to think no one single instance can lead to divorce?
to think I made no vow to her and point blank refuse to accept this crap she keeps throwing at me?
to plan on being silent but contemptious of her from now on?

I knew this thread would keep on giving....

I'd still like to know what "Feminsta" means

I am not regular on here. But anyone who has been cheated on, knows that men often rewrite history. It still hurts. The lies and deceit. He left me to spend christmas holidays in her home country, I had to leave my job because I could no longer cope and it was hard having a toddler and a full on job. The stress was too much. She has a nanny to help with her children and cleaner and in laws. The same in laws and his friends who are quite keen to be seen as liberal if you understand what I mean.

Any Fucker

A modern feminist. One that shows traits belonging to nu and old school feminist thought while exhibiting a hipster-like fashion consciousness that was not present in the last generation of feminists.

"Feminista" sound like one of those dreadful "female hygieine" products that coyly talk about keepin you "fresh and fragrant"

I assumed it was some sort of sanitary product.

See this is what happens when 3 party leaders are suddenly unemployed. Too much time on their hands.

She prances around as a feminist. Her circle of friends are feminists that believe only their feminism is the ultimate feminism.

AF I reckon it's the street version of fanjo wash. Few Fresh for da yoof if you will

Feminista I get

but "Feminsta" ?

just a typo then ?

AF I didnt even see that typo. Maybe it has meaning. Maybe it is just a typo.

Now the site is so big I am amazed this doesn't happen more!

Woah.

Sorry, Runaway, but I still think that it is not the OP's fault that your marriage broke down.

Many years ago this fella that I really fancied asked me out and I said no as he was a married man. But four months later I found out that he had separated from his wife and was going out with someone else.

I do not think the OP was in the wrong for being attractive and she refused quite rightly to go out with your DP while he was still living with you.

But really, runaway, even if I am wrong, the person who is most suffering from all this is yourself. You don't want to go into old age with all that bitterness inside you.

Runaway even if the OP is the woman you speak about after 10 years you need to let it go and if you did call the home office in her maliciously you need to be prosecuted.

Oh come on, she all but asked him to leave his wife

It had to be an emotional affair at that point for that sort of conversation to occur.

I haven't seen any bitterness on Runaway's part - she isn't the one talking of hatred, spewing bile and making accusations, she has been quite restrained in her response, clearly she is sad, but it sounds s if she has reason to be.

The OP wasn't in the wrong for 'being attractive' no one has suggested that is where any wrong doing lies. No one can help the way they look, but people can control the way they behave.

Anyway, I declare myself out of this now (not least because I should probably go and buy a lottery ticket considering the stars seem to be aligned this evening).

Runaway if it is your story then I'm sorry. The way to move forward isn't to cause them havoc. She clearly has been uncomfortable with the life she has chosen so there you have your vengeance. I agree that men/women who have cheated often re-write history and have selective memories but that doesn't have to affect your life. You have managed for this many years so let go of the bitterness. IMHO being bitter with someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.

OP, you are and will always be the OW. The only difference is now you also get to carry the title of wife. You were instrumental in their downfall even if you were not the protagonist, you certainly had a leading role.

But it's been ten years. Why is all this timeline stuff still coming up? Runaway does indeed come across measured here but she also shopped OW/not-the-OW to immigration which is mental however you look at it. And is talking about this stuff like it all happened last month...

Tiz it's probably too late for that.
If the ex has been alerted, it's probably all over the village by now.
They'll probably be giving out printed versions at the school gates...

Yes, runaway has ignored a couple of people now, asking if she did report them to the home office...

How can anyone believe anything the OP says when her story about being reported to the HO changed throughout the thread?

Im not even thinking about her maybe role as the OW, its what she's said about being reported thats important.

She said it happened, then she said she didn't know if it happened - so if she doesnt know if she was reported or not how can she know Runaway did it?

She doesn't and if anyone is being bitter etc its the OP.

but she also shopped OW/not-the-OW to immigration which is mental however you look at it.

Where's the proof of that? The OP has in actual fact changed her story as the thread wore on. First she said she was reported then she said she doesn't know if she was.