6 babies

[VivienScott]

My friend is pregnant with baby number 6, all planned, no multiple births.

Her OH wasn't keen on the idea (her health as she's had a couple of bouts of pre-eclampsia, a c-section and she's now 40 and him just wanting to enjoy the 5 they've got) but from what she's told me she essentially cornered him into it.

I just think 6 babies is ridiculous, they're all under 11 and yes they get benefits, although her OH works, and no they couldn't afford to live without them and yes it was a factor in the financial planning element of her decision (i.e. they can afford it with the benefits so that's why they're having the baby, not the baby to get more benefits).

I know there are arguments about only having babies you can pay for yourself, and I know some people think that it's unfair to say that because it would leave a lot of people unable to have a family, but 6 children, that you couldn't afford without help just seems a bit wrong to me, AIBU?

Have you told your friend your opinion? Instead of coming on here bitching about her.

I believe (nearly) everyone should have the chance to have a family, I also see the argument it's unfair if finances stop them. But I think I draw the line before 6 when you are relying on state to fund your children that aren't the result of an accident or multiple birth.

That's a yawn by the way, not shock.

I told my friend my opinion at child number 5

A friend you say?

And is this friend a Mumsnetter?

How exactly do you corner someone into having a baby btw?

I can see where your coming from - but ultimately it's there choice

Yes it's wrong the husband didn't agree to it - and it's not ideal if she has had health issues - and yes to have another one at 40 when she has 5 already seems odd to me - and yes perhaps her life style and having so many children is being subsidised/fuelled by the benefits - but what can you do - nothing

If you feel she is a bad influence or have different views on life then perhaps she is not the ideal friend

Has your friend thought about how she'll cope when David Cameron rightly limits child benefit to the first two children only?

(Or are you actually David Cameron, just testing the water before taking the plunge??)

It will effect them if their benefit is pulled given the current political climate, they'll be buggered! So yes it does effect me, I worry how they might afford it if the state changes its mind about welfare.

She told him she'd leave and take the kids and that she needed another baby to be happy.

No I don't think she's a MNer, she's been pretty rude about it in the past, plus I don't think she'd have the time TBH.

I hope she gets better friends soon.

It may not be a choice that many people would make, but she is not doing anything wrong, aside of course from "cornering" her husband into no.6, although if he was that against it then he could have used a condom.

I don't know what you are trying to achieve here though? If all of MN decided to agree with you, would that make you feel better? Perhaps we can help you look at ways you could support your friend, without compromising your own beliefs and values

nothing you can do. Having another baby 'to be happy' is a TERRIBLE reason and I feel for these kids, but there's no intelligence or attitude test before breeding. And he is as much to blame as she is.

Walk away.

How does the number of babies your friend have effect you? Confused here...

She told him she'd leave and take the kids and that she needed another baby to be happy.

If she meant that, and if he really only went along because of that, then they have a shit marriage and for that reason I would really feel for the children. Must be a horrible situation to be raised in.

After you told her your views at #5, i am surprised she still thinks enough of you to be telling you such details about #6. You must be part of the whole dysfunctional mess.

You don't care about her, come on. Friends don't slag people off on forums.

I told her my opinion in a reasonably respectful way, i.e., what if something happens to your health, what if the government changes it's mind about benefits, have you thought about the consequences etc. It was more a concerned expression of opinion TBH.

She calls her children her babies, it's just an expression. She talks about her "babies', regardless of their age.

I have 4 adopted children and now foster another 3. 7 children in all - should I be shot, OP?

YABU and not a fríend - it's none of your business. Just like some people choose to have no children or just one.

I have 5DCs and am pregnant with DC6 age nearly 48 years - what's your thoughts on that?? DH works and we support them all. However, it's because of narrow minded people like you that I have hardly told anyone about this pregnancy (now 6 months) as I am sick of hearing other people's nasty comments.

Mind your own business.......

Riveravon you foster and adopt children, you give them a chance at an amazing life, no you should't be shot, you should be commended.

loveandsmiles you support all your children you don't say you rely on benefit, nor that you have health issues, nor that your husband wasn't really keen, it's not the same.

Maybe it's not very socially responsible to have 6 kids, as they all have to be schooled and given health care for a life time. Oth, many people are now choosing not to have children at all, or leaving it until much later in life, which could effectively skip a generation of children in their family. So maybe it all balances out.