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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

6 babies

76 replies

VivienScott · 11/05/2015 15:13

My friend is pregnant with baby number 6, all planned, no multiple births.

Her OH wasn't keen on the idea (her health as she's had a couple of bouts of pre-eclampsia, a c-section and she's now 40 and him just wanting to enjoy the 5 they've got) but from what she's told me she essentially cornered him into it.

I just think 6 babies is ridiculous, they're all under 11 and yes they get benefits, although her OH works, and no they couldn't afford to live without them and yes it was a factor in the financial planning element of her decision (i.e. they can afford it with the benefits so that's why they're having the baby, not the baby to get more benefits).

I know there are arguments about only having babies you can pay for yourself, and I know some people think that it's unfair to say that because it would leave a lot of people unable to have a family, but 6 children, that you couldn't afford without help just seems a bit wrong to me, AIBU?

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 11/05/2015 16:09

No I don't think she's a MNer, she's been pretty rude about it in the past, plus I don't think she'd have the time TBH.

I wonder if she thinks it as a place people go to bitch about their 'friends' behind their backs!

QueefOfTheDamned · 11/05/2015 16:14

This sounds very like someone I know...

MagicMojito · 11/05/2015 16:21

What's the point of this thread OP?

Your not her friend. Your fooling nobody.

DuncanQuagmire · 11/05/2015 16:23

she crushed a Viagra into her old man's tea and straddled him til he came?

teatowel · 11/05/2015 17:46

The husband should have said ok you take the children- let me know where you are living and I'll pop round and see you on Sundays :)

NotYouNaanBread · 11/05/2015 17:48

*She told him she'd leave and take the kids and that she needed another baby to be happy.

No I don't think she's a MNer, she's been pretty rude about it in the past, plus I don't think she'd have the time TBH.*

Actually, there was just such a poster on here a few months ago. Wanted baby number 6 and was threatening to leave her husband if he stood in her or her uterus's way.

NotYouNaanBread · 11/05/2015 17:49

Why didn't that quote go bold, I wonder?

Purplepoodle · 11/05/2015 17:50

This is why benefits should be capped at 2 children (multiple birth excluded)

MammaTJ · 11/05/2015 17:51

NotYou because there was too big a gap between the two.

You should have ** both sentences!

Jengnr · 11/05/2015 17:55

Six kids sounds crazy to me (in the middle of pregnancy number 2 and fully resolved to never do it again).

Couldn't give a bollocks what other people do though, it's none of my beeswax. I certainly wouldn't slag my mates off all over the internet about something that's fuck all to do with me either.

Sothisishowitfeels · 11/05/2015 18:05

wow another large family thread. I starting to feel rather tired of the hatred levelled at us .

Pregnant with dc6 - happy and oh not reliant on benefits.

Btw op unless she raped him there was no cornering into pregnancy.

TenerifeSea · 11/05/2015 18:10

Well, I certainly wouldn't like to go through pregnancy and childbirth 6 times nor raise 6 children but I don't judge anyone who does. Different strokes for different folks.

P.S. you're not fooling anyone with your faux concern over how she might manage if the benefit system changes.

splendide · 11/05/2015 19:01

When I hear about someone with such a big family I honestly just admire them. I'm struggling with one baby!

cakedcrusader · 11/05/2015 19:59

None of your business op! If you think 6 children are too many don't have 6 children but don't try to dictate or bitch about how many anyone else has.

irretating · 11/05/2015 20:07

My friend is pregnant with baby number 6, all planned, no multiple births.

snip

Cool story, bro.

Allegorical · 11/05/2015 20:26

Personally i think it is selfish to plan a 6th child that you know you can't afford without state help.
At the end of the day some has to work to produce the taxes to support them and why should they really? especially as many people that don't rely on help stop at two or three as it's all they can afford.
But not really your place to say and the baby is here so bit much to say anyway.

SurlyCue · 11/05/2015 20:30

But I think I draw the line before 6 when you are relying on state to fund your children

You dont get to draw the line m'dear, except for within your own family. Hilarious that you think your opinion is more right than the person actually having the children.

Glossybum · 11/05/2015 20:37

My DH and I are trying for baby 6, and we are in our 40's.

We have already had the talk about how others will react because despite it being absolutely nobody else's business, everyone has an opinion.

We are self sufficient, madly in love and want another baby.

We've discussed it with our other children and surprisingly, they have acted the most grown up of all and are really excited.

I too am excited although slightly anxious for the very reason you have posted this OP.

Liara · 11/05/2015 20:39

I sometimes wonder who exactly all the people who scream that those who need financial help should not have babies think will take care of them when they are older, or contribute the taxes that will be necessary if they are to have a state pension?

The population of the world is set to increase massively in the next 30 years, but the number of children is expected to stay roughly constant. That is because people are living to a later and later age, and not having enough children.

We need more children. We aren't making anywhere near enough to keep the system we have going. The least we can do is help those who are willing to put in the amazing amount of work and sacrifice that bearing them and bringing them up involves.

And in case anyone starts wondering, I only have 2 dc and have never had a benefit in my life. I am in awe of anyone who can bring up 6 children on the pittance the government seems to think is enough.

TeaorcakeTeawins · 11/05/2015 20:46

Liara, rather off topic, but that sounds exactly like a pyramid scheme. It can't go on forever.

Liara · 11/05/2015 20:50

It is a pyramid scheme. And no, it can't go on forever, and the fewer babies people have the sooner it will collapse.

And it won't be pretty. It's happened before, but somehow we keep electing politicians who seem to not have read any history, ever. Or maybe they just don't give a damn and hope they will be out before it collapses.

wiltingfast · 11/05/2015 20:52

Why are people so against a big family? What do you care once the children are in a home where they are wanted and cared for? They'll be useful taxpayers etc, prop you lot up in your old age unless they scrap oap too why on earth shouldn't the state support it? It's damn hard to have children in this day and age, we need more people to have more children, not less!

DixieNormas · 11/05/2015 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rockybalboa · 11/05/2015 21:16

Nice. She must be delighted to have a friend like you.

Shakshuka · 12/05/2015 02:11

Liara

Sorry, I just need to correct what you said.

You're right that the world population is increasing (a lot in absolute terms but much less in rate of growth) but that fertility has declined (total fertility is about 2.5 children per woman so still above replacement though).

However, the reason that the population is still growing, and would still be growing even if fertility were at replacement, is NOT because people are living longer (other than reductions in child deaths). That only has a very minor effect.

It's because of something called population momentum. This is when the large younger cohorts due to higher fertility in the past reach childbearing age. So even though they may only be having two children each, because there are a lot of them, there will be a lot of children. It's the reason why the Chinese population has still been growing despite below-replacement fertility for many years now.

Apart from that, couldn't care less that someone else is having six kids, good luck to them if that's what floats their boat :)

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