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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 babies

76 replies

VivienScott · 11/05/2015 15:13

My friend is pregnant with baby number 6, all planned, no multiple births.

Her OH wasn't keen on the idea (her health as she's had a couple of bouts of pre-eclampsia, a c-section and she's now 40 and him just wanting to enjoy the 5 they've got) but from what she's told me she essentially cornered him into it.

I just think 6 babies is ridiculous, they're all under 11 and yes they get benefits, although her OH works, and no they couldn't afford to live without them and yes it was a factor in the financial planning element of her decision (i.e. they can afford it with the benefits so that's why they're having the baby, not the baby to get more benefits).

I know there are arguments about only having babies you can pay for yourself, and I know some people think that it's unfair to say that because it would leave a lot of people unable to have a family, but 6 children, that you couldn't afford without help just seems a bit wrong to me, AIBU?

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 12/05/2015 03:05

OP c'mon, 'fess up! You're Iain Duncan Smith's work experience kid and we're an unwitting focus group.

Snip, snip, snip. That £12 billion won't cut itself.

MistressDeeCee · 12/05/2015 11:46

So what if they have help? The DH is working isn't he, so he pays his taxes I presume?

Whilst I understand you have concerns about your friends health (albeit you're putting your concerns across in a really judgmental, scornful fashion), YABVU to comment upon their family circumstances particularly in respect of finances. Your friend "cornered" her DH into agreeing to another baby? Really? How does that work then?!

You're the kind of frenemy I wouldn't want anywhere near me as a so-called friend, much less knowing any personal details about my relationship. You've taken not minding your own business to a new level. I bet you're mightily looking forward to reading pages & pages of scornful comments about your friend aka "the undeserving poor". Good luck with that...

Pony74 · 12/05/2015 11:51

I agree with you OP.

Liara · 12/05/2015 20:10

Thanks, Shakshuka. Always happy to be corrected, particularly when the point I was trying to make still stands Wink

Royalsighness · 12/05/2015 20:13

If you don't agree with what she's doing so what? Do you think she cares? Should she send them all back? Should she be sterilised or should you just try not to judge?

Royalsighness · 12/05/2015 20:14

And LOL at cornered like men have absolutely no control or responsibility over their penises and are forever being forced to have unprotected sex, poor gits.

Fairy13 · 12/05/2015 21:01

I think you should find something more exciting to be worried about.

Unless she is forcing you to carry her 6 babies YABU.

awombwithaview · 12/05/2015 21:01

It's just none of your business, plain and simple. Who do you think you are telling her your views when she had her 5th? You're not her friend, and it's not your business. I'd be fuming if a 'friend' took to mumsnet over my choice to have another child, let's hope she's not on here OP because your 'friendship' if you can call it that will be kaput.

todayisayesterdaystomorrow · 12/05/2015 22:24

I agree none of your business, you don't sound like a friend, friends don't post all the details you have on the Internet. Hth.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 12/05/2015 22:36

Does your friend actually exist or she just a cover story for a discussion about benefits?

SeenSheen · 12/05/2015 22:42

YANBU She is a parasite on the state - having more children than she can afford without state support should not be an option.

SomethingOnce · 12/05/2015 22:45

ODFOD.

Loletta · 12/05/2015 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

6LittleOnes · 12/05/2015 22:59

YABVU. It's nothing to do with you

SeenSheen · 12/05/2015 23:11

Lots of the Mumsnet Police on here tonight trotting out the usual refrain:

It is none of your business - everyone should just shut up, put up, and keep paying your taxes. But be sure to never ever express an opinion on how wisely you feel they are being spent.

midlifehope · 12/05/2015 23:15

Her choice surely? A few generations back they had families of 13 or so.... She's enduring the work and sleep deprivation and sacrifice. What is the issue for you here really? Is there a deeper issue?

SomethingOnce · 12/05/2015 23:30

Mumsnet Police!

What's next up in Daily Mail bingo? PC Brigade... Breastapo...

ROFLaugh Yawning.

NanaNina · 12/05/2015 23:30

I think the OP has slithered away. SomethingOnce I like your style!!

nemo81 · 13/05/2015 12:45

Nothing to do with you or anyone else what they do. Mind your own business and concentrate on your own life rather than concerning yourself over someone elses life.

SoonToBeSix · 13/05/2015 12:48

26 YDdraigGoch don't worry I am sure her children will still be fed and clothes as leaked plans say CB cuts will not be retrospective.

SoonToBeSix · 13/05/2015 12:56

Op I have seven dc and I am have health issues/ am disabled. My dh has a well paid job however we have two disabled dc so receive some tax credits. However I didn't corner him into it and we do have multiples. Unsure if I deserve judgement from you?

BuriedSardine · 13/05/2015 13:15

Why shouldn't she have six children and expect the state to support her?

Why should she? Nobody needs six children, especially as she and her DH cannot afford to support them.

There has been a great deal of anger and fear here at the thought of benefit cuts; should the money go to fund this woman's selfish choices or someone with, for example, a disability?

Perhaps point her at the recent thread where the mother of six literally could not keep her house straight or manage all the wading and cooking a family like that entails.

irretating · 14/05/2015 18:26

There has been a great deal of anger and fear here at the thought of benefit cuts; should the money go to fund this woman's selfish choices or someone with, for example, a disability?

Her children didn't make any selfish choices, they didn't ask to be born.

Meerka · 14/05/2015 20:53

actually I think the husband does deserve some sympathy. He'd got 5 kids already. If his wife was going to piss off and find someone else to have another kid with, either behind his back or by leaving him, I can see how he'd feel cornered. Cheating on him is shit; giving him an ultimatum "give me another baby or Ill cheat or leave you" is shit; and if he'd have to see her leaving and taking their 5 existing children that'd be shit too.

No, I don't think she should have a 6th child if she is relying on benefits to pay for the child. If the benefits are helpful but not essential then ok. But if the benefits are essential then no, because if anything happened that required extra money they'd by definition very close to scraping survival anyway. It's one thing to plan for 6 kids when you have the income. it's a different thing to plan for 6 kids when you're already heavily reliant on the state and will become more so.

I don't like the thought of child benefit over 2 children being scrapped but I don't think it should be relied on as the only means to fund a child.

usualsuspect333 · 14/05/2015 21:00

Gawd these threads are tedious.