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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another wedding one!

88 replies

paddypants13 · 10/05/2015 12:21

Hi,

I am supposed to be attending a family wedding abroad (mainland Europe) but I will be 36/37 weeks pregnant.

I really want to go and had fully intended to but I have discovered I cannot get travel insurance. I think I would be an absolute fool to travel without insurance esp' at such a risky time and my DH agrees.

However, the rest of my family thinks we're being ridiculous and should go and the bride is already annoyed at us because we were not intending to arrive more than 2 days before the wedding and we were going to leave the day after.

My DD who will be 2 and 1/2 will be a flower girl and the bride wants her to attend a rehearsal, which is fair enough but she can't tell us the date for this!

My suggestion is my DH and DD go and I stay here.

I am worried the the bride and her family will stop speaking to me altogether. They are already angry with me because I was unable to attend my uncle's funeral 2 years ago. This was a combination of the laws over there dictating that a funeral must be held 5 days and so many hours after the death, the fact that I had just had a baby and couldn't get a passport for my DD in time and lack of funds due to maternity leave.

AIBU not to attend this wedding? Thanks.

OP posts:

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 11/05/2015 11:26

The rest of the extended family know what she's like but she seems to have some sort of grip over my mum.

YANBU I think I'd be more upset about my mum putting pressure on than my cousin.

If your mum says anything then I think you should sit her down, look her in the eye, and say I know x is your niece but I am your daughter and I'm shocked, hurt, upset and disappointed that you would prioritise your niece and her wedding over the health of your daughter and unborn grandchild.

That may just ease that grip a little bit.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/05/2015 12:49

I'd pull your whole family out and not bother sending your DH and DD if it were me. Make some excuse about DD being high maintenance when you are not around. No bride wants a whinging 2.5 yr old around so that's your Ace card

Insurance is only one issue - I wouldn't rely on it personally as they will simply give you some line about "lots of people travel without insurance, blah di blah". The practical reality is that you could have a fast labour en route or on the way back and be stuck hundreds of miles from family in either direction trying to get emergency passport documentation from a consulate to let you return home..... life's too short.

No airline will sign you off to travel. It's ill advised to travel by car that late in pregnancy and even if you were prepared to consider it, you'd have to get details of every maternity hospital between here and the middle of Europe.

Sh*t happens, babies get born and the timing cannot and should not be held against you. I missed my own sisters wedding as it was 4 days after my due date. DD was two weeks early but only my Dad suggested that I might make it home [post CS without a passport for DD]. That was a short conversation. Hilariously, even though it was only 4 yrs ago, my sister recently commented about her wedding day and had completely forgotten that I wasn't there.

Skype them on the day with best wishes and if they are the type to hold grudges over something like this then they really, truly are not worth keeping in contact with. Promise to come and visit in the Autumn and watch the wedding video in full. That's more than anyone should have to commit to!!

AmberLav · 11/05/2015 13:12

Can't add anything more to what has already been said, but in general, I am amazed that any bride would put pressure on a heavily pregnant woman to go to a wedding!

That said, I think my uncle is still not happy that I didn't make my gran's funeral when I was exclusively bfing my 4 month old, and the funeral was 500 miles away at 9.30am in the morning (couldn't get there in the morning, so would have had to have flown with baby the day before, with no travel cot etc), but would have lasted till about 5pm, and I was flying to spain on holiday with the whole family at 8.30am the next day. DH wouldn't let me go (and I agreed) in case I couldn't get back home that evening, and ruined our family holiday, which Gran would never have wanted... Some people are just point scorers, yet they miss out on the important things, like loving each other...

Best of luck with the irrational relatives!

SuperFlyHigh · 11/05/2015 13:21

Amber and OP - can't believe these people and OP YANBU at all!

Amber I bet in your case your uncle would also be one of those whingers on the plane who then complains about crying baby on flight (despite this flight not being necessary, v young baby etc) etc... you just can't win sometimes can you?!

Waltermittythesequel · 11/05/2015 13:21

What's all this nonsense about their ire being directed at your dh?

Have you told them explicity that you don't want to go??

No doctor or midwife worth anything would let you travel then anyway.

Your mum doesn't sound terribly nice if I'm honest; prioritising bridezilla's wedding over her own dd and dgc!

Skiptonlass · 11/05/2015 13:22

Yanbu. My work are pressing me to go to two international meetings at a similar time. I told them that, " this will not be possible. I will be x weeks and thus unable to fly." Full stop, no apology. They kicked up a fuss but I kept my cool and didn't apologise. No airline will take you then - you are effectively at term. No one will insure you.

Why do weddings make people so crazy?!

Hersetta427 · 11/05/2015 14:26

No need to lie at all. simply say you are not allowed to fly. I don't know who you were thinking of flying with but here are Ryanair's and BA's policies which both say the same. You are not allowed to fly after 36 weeks.

www.ryanair.com/en/terms-and-conditions/regulations-pregnancy/

www.britishairways.com/travel/healthplan/public/en_gb#

bigbumtheory · 11/05/2015 15:08

I dont think this is about weddings bringing out the worse, the bride sounds like she always was tiptoed around and treated with mid gloves. Bridezilla behaviour comes naturally to them because that are always like that anyway.

Sometimes rational people lose their heads but 9/10 a bride/groom/guestzilla has always been that way and so acts just the same! It's just directed at you...

Original poster

paddypants13 · 11/05/2015 19:21

Walter - I think the problem with my mum is she's too nice and listens to all the sob stories. She also knows I wanted to go if at all possible. I also think she disapproves of us having another child but that's another story for another thread!!

The deed is done, I have told Bridezilla that I cannot go because of the insurance situation and that I will not risk my baby by travelling without. She seemed ok about it but we'll see. DH and DD are still going. Told my mum too and she was dissappointed but so far ok. No doubt I'll get a few calls and emails over the next few weeks with some emotional blackmail but I will not be changing my mind.

Thanks for the sound advice. xx

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 11/05/2015 21:48

Well done!

It really wasn't possible. I just hope they treat your dh well.

bigbumtheory · 12/05/2015 00:14

Well done op. Your mum is being an idiot, if she dies blackmail: so you think I should risk me or unborn dc being ill then?

bigbumtheory · 12/05/2015 00:15

Does even not dies

ChangingTiming · 12/05/2015 13:43

Well done, hope that's the end of it

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