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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding one!

88 replies

paddypants13 · 10/05/2015 12:21

Hi,

I am supposed to be attending a family wedding abroad (mainland Europe) but I will be 36/37 weeks pregnant.

I really want to go and had fully intended to but I have discovered I cannot get travel insurance. I think I would be an absolute fool to travel without insurance esp' at such a risky time and my DH agrees.

However, the rest of my family thinks we're being ridiculous and should go and the bride is already annoyed at us because we were not intending to arrive more than 2 days before the wedding and we were going to leave the day after.

My DD who will be 2 and 1/2 will be a flower girl and the bride wants her to attend a rehearsal, which is fair enough but she can't tell us the date for this!

My suggestion is my DH and DD go and I stay here.

I am worried the the bride and her family will stop speaking to me altogether. They are already angry with me because I was unable to attend my uncle's funeral 2 years ago. This was a combination of the laws over there dictating that a funeral must be held 5 days and so many hours after the death, the fact that I had just had a baby and couldn't get a passport for my DD in time and lack of funds due to maternity leave.

AIBU not to attend this wedding? Thanks.

OP posts:
dailyfix · 10/05/2015 13:15

YABU
The bride is being really selfish. Let DH go with DD & stay with your aunt.
Don't feel in the slightest but guilty, 36/52 is far too late to be traveling.

dailyfix · 10/05/2015 13:16

Sorry, should say YANBU!

FishWithABicycle · 10/05/2015 13:22

Yanbu - send them the news clips about that couple whose baby arrived early while they were in America and the baby wasn't covered. You'd be an idiot to travel without full insurance covering every eventuality regarding your pregnancy including covering your baby if it arrives while you are there. Are you sure such insurance is impossible? Or does it exist but only with expensive premiums from a specialist supplier? If you can get insured you should go, so long as you are well. If you can't then do not even consider going uninsured.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 13:22

She's being ridiculous. I had a similar thing when people thought I was being a bit pfb for not going to Scotland from the south at 35 weeks. I was so uncomfortable though. Anyway I was in hospital at 35 and delivered at 36, I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be stuck abroad sorting out baby's passport etc

CanIGoToBedNow · 10/05/2015 13:31

My sister flew at 26 weeks - had her twins at 27 weeks in Spain. Insurance company would not pay as they said pregnant women with twins should not fly after 23 weeks.

It was a very stressful couple of months before they could medivac them back.

DO NOT FLY or leave the country..... You are full term at 37 weeks and could have the baby at Any time. Do they have any idea how difficult it is to get a child born early in a foreign country a passport let alone a EHIC!

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 13:42

Exactly what CanIGotobednow said, even if both countries are EU it takes ages to sort that stuff out. Happened to my friend in Italy. The last thing you want to be doing with a newborn (assuming you are somewhere with good standard free healthcare and all is fine) is dealing with the British consulate, getting them a fit to fly etc. So many other possibilities too, e.g. if you end up with a section how will you get back? And a newborn shouldn't go in a car seat very long.
Even if you and baby have a perfect birth it's a massive pain in the arse!

Kittykatmacbill · 10/05/2015 13:50

Do not go without insurance! If you have a sensible / nice midwife they may be able provide something in writing saying you can't travel.

But your family are being very unreasonable to even suggest you should travel without insurance!

paxtecum · 10/05/2015 13:54

If your baby is born in France, you cannot bring it back without a passport.
You will be stuck there for ages whilst someone goes to and fro getting the passport.

Just ignore them.

DeladionInch · 10/05/2015 13:57

The stress of it could trigger labour and you'd hate to overshadow things at their everso-special time, wouldn't you Wink

(Yanbu)

ThingummyJigg · 10/05/2015 14:03

A family who will put a bride's wishes before the health, comfort and safety of another family member, might not be worth the effort.

I think none of you should go - at 36/7 weeks you could go into labour, and unless you are an athlete, will probably be knackered and in need of dh's support. Unless someone else can take dd and she'll be OK without you and dh, and if you're ok with that, I think you should all stay at home, and send the selfish bastards bride and groom a fucking toaster thoughtful gift.

Hissy · 10/05/2015 14:04

If I were your H, one more eye roll and I'd tell the lot of them to swivel

bettybyebye · 10/05/2015 14:08

Please don't even think of travelling without insurance. You don't know what could happen - I am typing this next to my 2yr old's hospital bed in Cyprus. He fell yesterday and broke his leg and we are unable to fly home today as planned, but our insurance company is dealing directly with the hospital to arrange getting us home. I am also 29 weeks pregnant so double checked the insurance provision for pregnancy and dependants before we left - so glad I did. You would be foolish to travel without insurance at anytime, but at 36 weeks pregnant, no way.

OhMittens · 10/05/2015 14:23

You won't be allowed to fly, travelling by car would be ridiculously uncomfortable and you won't get insurance. It's a no-brainer.

The reason for all these preventions is to protect the baby, not to spoil people's weddings. The baby is most vulnerable and most important.

Anybody reasonable would not expect you to go at that stage of the pregnancy.

Original poster
paddypants13 · 10/05/2015 14:59

With hindsight Euphemia I think you're right, I should have said no from the start. I just desperately want to go.

Only my mum and dad and the bride and her family are being funny about it so far. We do have a massive extended family who would help but we would have to travel through the UK and 2 other European countries to reach them first, not to mention getting back!

I think my fam think DH is forcing me to stay behind because a lot of the annoyance is directed at him but I am his wife and baby is his so he is entitled to have his say.

I think I will have lie and say my doc won't issue me a fit to travel letter.

Thank you. xx

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 10/05/2015 15:02

If they stop talking to you through totally justified not going to their wedding they aren't true friends anyway. Save your money and spend it on making life easier when the baby comes.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 10/05/2015 15:07

Is it even a lie though, I mean - I doubt a Dr would recommend any unnecessary travel that late, would they?

Marvel101 · 10/05/2015 15:09

No way on earth would in travel so far even overland at that stage. If you did go in to labour you'd have to find a hospital on your way - it wouldn't be ideal. And even if you didn't go in to labour it wouldn't be very comfortable stuck in a car for so long

If I were you I'd be annoyed with their attitude I wouldn't want me our my daughter to go

bigbumtheory · 10/05/2015 15:21

Your family sound very unfair, expecting you to risk you and your baby's health and all without insurance. I would ask them why they feel it selfish to follow midwives advice rather then risk your baby by going?

LemonSqueezyEasyPeasy · 10/05/2015 15:26

I don't think it will be a lie though OP - your Dr won't give you a 'fit to travel' letter at this late stage of pregnancy.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 10/05/2015 15:33

Even if you could somehow get there. Would your family be prepared to foot the bill if you have the baby oversees?

Somehow I dont think they will.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 15:56

I would be absolutely amazed and shocked if your GP gave you a fit to travel letter at a time you'll be full term

LadyCybilCrawley · 10/05/2015 16:03

Good god this is madness

No doctor with his or her salt would approve you travelling like this at 37 weeks

If you need it get a letter from your gp directing against travel and send it to the [extremely unreasonable] bride and family [even though you shouldn't have to it might ease their reaction a little] - send it with a letter saying you are awfully sorry and you hoped you could have attended but you can not travel and wish them the best of luck and a wonderful day

Then you need to talk to your husband - madness that he goes without you - your 2 year old does not need to be flower girl

I had my two nephews in our wedding party - aged 2 and 3 - both refused on the day to walk down the isle and went outside to play - made no difference whatsoever to the wedding at all - so your daughter not going should not materially effect the bride or the ceremony

I can't believe people are this selfish

Trooperslane · 10/05/2015 16:06

They are fucking nuts. Can you even get a flight?

Trooperslane · 10/05/2015 16:08

.... And I don't think your dh and dd should go either. Far too close.

expatinscotland · 10/05/2015 16:16

YANBU

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