Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Friend upset over sponsorship ...

110 replies

SponsorshipDramaLlama · 09/05/2015 17:40

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but maybe I'm wrong. I've name changed to venture into this part of the forum, partly because you can be a bit brutal and also this will identify me if my friends are on MN ...

I'm a keen runner, belong to a running club, do several races a year. A friend has never really run but is quite sporty and athletic. On the spur of the moment she decided to do a half marathon, did a couple of weeks training and successfully ran it - all great so far.

She decided just beforehand to do it for charity and asked me several times to sponsor her which I promised I would do. Being somebody who socialises with a lot of runners, it wasn't surprising that I knew eight other people doing the same race. Four of them were also doing it for charity, and by coincidence, three were doing it for the same charity (I wasn't running it as I had done one the week before - I've never run mine for charity as it's a hobby not a special endeavour for me).

I spoke to DH and we agreed we wanted to sponsor all our friends so decided to sponsor each one £5. So we were contributing £20 to one charity and £5 to another. We had also sponsored a few people doing the London marathon and it's all getting expensive. While we don't struggle, finances are pretty tight to the wire each month. We both work but childcare cripples what we bring home each month and we aren't high earners.

Anyway, my friend hasn't really spoken to me since doing her race and hadn't replied to a few texts. I asked a mutual friend in passing if she had seen her recently and she said that she had but knew she was a bit upset with me for only sponsoring her £5!

I sent her an email after I heard this and said great job on the race, you did really well and should be really proud of yourself for raising a good amount for charity. Sorry we couldn't contribute more but we were also sponsoring quite a few others in the same race and wanted to support all our friends equally rather than just one person a larger amount.

She replied and said it was okay but she was a bit upset as £5 doesn't go very far and it sends a message to others that it is okay to donate a low amount and for future reference it is better to donate anonymously and keep the amount hidden when it is less than £10.

I feel pretty put out and wish I hadn't bothered to sponsor her at all. DH says forget it, move on and don't sponsor her again but it is making me worried about sponsoring others - is £10 really considered the done minimum now?

OP posts:

BeaLola · 10/05/2015 01:23

How incredibly rude of her. Ungrateful. She obviously had spoken about her feelings too seeing as your mutual friend told you how she felt. £5 for a charity can do a huge amount. It's all the pennies and pounds that help. Perhaps you should have said that for better mannered and appreciative people you sponsored more. I hope if she is on Mumsnet and reads this thread she feels ashamed of herself.

cozietoesie · 10/05/2015 01:54

Watch some of

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 10/05/2015 10:51

She is ridiculous and rude. I am quite cross with her on your behalf! Why not send her a link to this thread?!!! only half joking

About half the women I know are doing race for life this year, and I've no idea what to sponsor anymore, it will bankrupt me if I do £5 each... have been more generous in the past nut this year it's particularly busy...

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 10/05/2015 10:52

Love this link cozie

popalot · 10/05/2015 10:55

no, fiver is plenty. She's doing it for the prestige rather than the charity, by the sounds of it.

FryOneFatManic · 10/05/2015 11:21

I will donate what I can afford at the time so I think this "friend" is being selfish and wants higher donations to boast about.

I'd distance myself and certainly not be sponsoring her again with this attitude.

I've only once sponsored someone for £10, my normal maximum is £5, and for work colleagues, it's £1 - £2.

I make other donations at other times.

greeneggsandjam · 10/05/2015 11:29

She sounds terrible.

SnowBells · 10/05/2015 11:39

YANBU.

I've sponsored anything from £10 to £50 for these things. Mostly £25. I get her point though, because to be honest the amount I gave always depended on what other people gave (always seemed to be min. £10).

The time when I contributed £50 to a donation, it was not really to a charity - but to people who fell on hard times due to the breadwinner of the family having died. People gave a lot. Some people gave £500 but they probably have quite a few more digits in the bank than others.

AlpacaPicnic · 10/05/2015 11:49

If I knew lots of people doing the same event then I think I'd make a one off donation to the charity concerned and post the receipt publicly on FB rather than sponsor everyone £1 or £2 each. Anyone who complained about that would be reminded that the charity would be 'winning' anyways.

I did a long sponsored walk for a local hospice a couple of years ago. It was a bit of a deal for me so a friend and I walked it together. We used a joint sponsorship form because we were going to be asking lots of the same people (we worked together) and while most people gave £5 as a whole, some people only gave £2. Once a very few gave £10 or more, mainly our parents etc. We were delighted and still managed to raise over £300 so it really does add up.

So to summarise, your friend is an ungrateful moo.

NickiFury · 10/05/2015 11:51

I think she's got a point. I certainly look at other donations and sponsors to see what is considered reasonable. However she was very rude and sulky about it, which is never a good thing.

OurGlass · 10/05/2015 11:52

She's an absolute disgrace. You've not done anything wrong.

FromMeToYou · 10/05/2015 11:56

Someone asked me for sponsorship once, and a tiny tiny part of me didn't trust her. So I said yes, she did the run, and I handed her a cheque made out directly to the charity. She was pissed off.

rookiemere · 10/05/2015 11:58

YANBU can you unsponsor her ?
I wonder how much she is putting in, charity runners tend to get their entrance free which I think is wrong,should put your hand in your own pocket before asking others .

rookiemere · 10/05/2015 12:07

Oh and I would respond and tell her that you sponsored £20 in total to that charity, which is actually what should count, not what she raises personally.

It's great that these things raise money for charity, and I have asked for sponsorship myself when doing my first half marathon ( which I did a lot of training for ) for a not well known charity close to my own heart, but really people should think about it a bit more, she's using other peoples money to make herself feel good about raising money for charity . Not the type of friend I'd like to have.

honeyandfizz · 10/05/2015 12:12

She is absolutely being unreasonable!! I recently sponsored 2 people I follow on Instagram doing the London marathon, both £10 to each of the charities - the one lady didn't even bother to thank me. I was really put out by it, she ended up not running it anyway!!

FryOneFatManic · 10/05/2015 13:24

NickiFury Sun 10-May-15 11:51:51
I think she's got a point. I certainly look at other donations and sponsors to see what is considered reasonable.

If you think she has a point, what if someone wants to donate but can only afford £5 or less? Are they supposed to feel ashamed that they can't afford more?

I'm an atheist but I do feel a resonance for the new testament story about the woman in the temple who could only put a few coppers in as an offering when the rich people were ostentatiously putting in large amounts.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 10/05/2015 13:42

I wonder if she was running for a charity on the basis she got a guaranteed place for a minimum donation. I know many years ago when I looked into this, the charity said you had to agree to raise at least 2.5k and were expected to make up any shortfall personally.

That is the sole reason I can think for being so fucking cheeky and ungrateful. And it in no way excuses her. Twattish behaviour.

I would send her email onto the charity and ask if they condone fundraising in this manner.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 10/05/2015 14:23

She sounds rude. She may have ran, but I would be 99% sure she has donated exactly 0p herself to the charity.

I would say something to her, but then I read thread after thread of rude twats, and rarely is something said to them, they just forge on regardless thinking they are in the right.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/05/2015 14:35

I am doing a sponsored walk with DS next weekend (he is the keen one and I am encouraging this charitable impulse in him) - I have been saying to people that 'a bit of spare change' is fine. A lot of my friends don't have much money, and some of the others do a lot of sponsored stuff as it is, so I don't expect large sums from any one person and it does mount up.

BTW alpacapicnic was the one you did in Kent by any chance? Because if so, that's the one we are doing.

Mrsstarlord · 10/05/2015 14:50

she is being a grabby selfish cow bag. At least you sponsored her, I'm doing the moonwalk next week and only a few people have sponsored me. Feel quite gutted as its a huge undertaking, but ultimately people have their own lives and priorities and its up to them what they do with their money.

drbonnieblossman · 10/05/2015 15:01

I think an email to her along the lines of "disappointed in your appalling attitude. Wish you well for any future runs but please don't ask me to sponsor you again. The other people I sponsored were, as expected, very appreciative of the money we could afford to give you ungrateful bitch.

DrCoconut · 10/05/2015 15:47

I have had people sponsor me £1 or £2. That's fine, they must be asked constantly and it all adds up.

EddieStobbart · 10/05/2015 16:01

Two of my colleagues just ran the London Marathon. They know sponsorship requests are frequently doing the rounds at work and they both run as a hobby anyway so rather than asking for money directly they organised a bake-off with cake sales for their charity and are setting up a fun run in a couple of months time as a second money spinner. But then they aren't a pair of twats.

Leeds2 · 10/05/2015 16:26

I wouldn't sponsor her again, should she ever be cheeky enough to ask.

rookiemere · 10/05/2015 17:24

I think what you have said encapsulates some of the dilemma around sponsorship Mrsstarlord, although you have got the right attitude about it.

It's a huge undertaking for you but I'm guessing that charity isn't the only aspect around it, there's companionship if you are doing it with other people and increasing your own fitness and perhaps the personal ambition of taking part.

I sponsor most people for one thing, but I'm afraid I tend not to support multiple requests for sponsorship. One friend did a huge event last year, had to raise a large amount of funds for it so I helped with a number of events. Fine and that's what I had signed up for. Then this year she's decided to do another thing that requires sponsorship money and is trying to get people to go to the events and pledge financial support. I'm just not willing to as I feel she's already had her quota of sponsorship and support from me.

I did a guess the time for charity with a bottle of wine I'd bought as a prize for the last big run I did. I prefer that as it's only a pound for people and I'm putting in more than they are by providing the prize. Doesn't raise as much unfortunately, but I'd rather raise money in a way that's not going to annoy others.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread