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Original poster

Friend upset over sponsorship ...

110 replies

SponsorshipDramaLlama · 09/05/2015 17:40

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but maybe I'm wrong. I've name changed to venture into this part of the forum, partly because you can be a bit brutal and also this will identify me if my friends are on MN ...

I'm a keen runner, belong to a running club, do several races a year. A friend has never really run but is quite sporty and athletic. On the spur of the moment she decided to do a half marathon, did a couple of weeks training and successfully ran it - all great so far.

She decided just beforehand to do it for charity and asked me several times to sponsor her which I promised I would do. Being somebody who socialises with a lot of runners, it wasn't surprising that I knew eight other people doing the same race. Four of them were also doing it for charity, and by coincidence, three were doing it for the same charity (I wasn't running it as I had done one the week before - I've never run mine for charity as it's a hobby not a special endeavour for me).

I spoke to DH and we agreed we wanted to sponsor all our friends so decided to sponsor each one £5. So we were contributing £20 to one charity and £5 to another. We had also sponsored a few people doing the London marathon and it's all getting expensive. While we don't struggle, finances are pretty tight to the wire each month. We both work but childcare cripples what we bring home each month and we aren't high earners.

Anyway, my friend hasn't really spoken to me since doing her race and hadn't replied to a few texts. I asked a mutual friend in passing if she had seen her recently and she said that she had but knew she was a bit upset with me for only sponsoring her £5!

I sent her an email after I heard this and said great job on the race, you did really well and should be really proud of yourself for raising a good amount for charity. Sorry we couldn't contribute more but we were also sponsoring quite a few others in the same race and wanted to support all our friends equally rather than just one person a larger amount.

She replied and said it was okay but she was a bit upset as £5 doesn't go very far and it sends a message to others that it is okay to donate a low amount and for future reference it is better to donate anonymously and keep the amount hidden when it is less than £10.

I feel pretty put out and wish I hadn't bothered to sponsor her at all. DH says forget it, move on and don't sponsor her again but it is making me worried about sponsoring others - is £10 really considered the done minimum now?

OP posts:
IfMaybeBut · 09/05/2015 18:46

Giving to charity is a choice.

Running is a hobby (and for many an obsession). Asking for sponsorship is always a bit of a joke if it's a regular runner. As a one off yes....however it's still a choice and since I know loads of runners I have to limit who I sponsor. Anyone who doesn't like it is not longer a friend.

Your friend is (as was said unthread) a twat

scribblegirl · 09/05/2015 18:46

Very rude. The only thing - and this does not apologise her behaviour - that I can think is, is it a charity that is close to her heart? Ie she is personally affected? not that that makes her reaction ok - just might explain it a bit.

WyrdByrd · 09/05/2015 18:46

Totally unreasonable. I'd consider £5 to be pretty generous and as for the comment about doing it anonymously - so bloody rude I don't know where to start.

WyrdByrd · 09/05/2015 18:47

OFGS! Blooming laptop!

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/05/2015 18:54

What an entitled idiot your friend is being! Yes avoid her and be civil when you need to facilitate your DDs friendship with her daughter. But no more than that.

Strokethefurrywall · 09/05/2015 19:03

What.a.Twat. Her, not you.

I raised $11k running a marathon in memory of my brother a couple of years ago. Every single penny counted. I never thought people were anything less than incredibly generous no matter what they sponsored. And yes, I also donated $250 to the charity because i wanted people to know that I was also coughing up cash for it.
But the marathon was a big challenge for me, I'd just had a baby and whilst I enjoyed running I'd never run further than 6 miles or so. It was a huge endeavor and not something I'd like to do again. Also the difference being now that I'm a regular runner and it wouldn't be an insurmountable challenge anymore. Likewise, I'd sponsor someone who'd never run before to do a 10k and higher because it's a real challenge to get to that point but not if they run regularly! It's a bit like Movember. You want me to give you money for growing facial hair? Do you give me money if I grow my leg hair for a month?
Your sponsorship was very generous, ignore her! Or call her on it...

Iflyaway · 09/05/2015 19:10

Reminds me of the saying "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth"....

She should be happy you did sponsor her at all and not look down her nose at you. Every little helps in my opinion.

EBearhug · 09/05/2015 19:19

Surely the point of sponsorship is that loads of people give small amounts, and it adds up? I've done sponsored events, and I've appreciated every donation, be it 50p or £50. I don't know how tight people's budgets are, though I've been aware I'm quite often not the only person who's been asking for donations - I've sponsored about 5 people just in the last month; it does add up, and I would like to support all of them, as they've all supported me in the past, so that does mean that each of them get less than if I only gave a single donation.

I've never even questioned the amounts people have given me, or even if they haven't sponsored me at all. And I've only ever received thanks when I've given donations, regardess of the sum.

Your friend's the unreasonable one, not you.

ThePinkOcelot · 09/05/2015 19:46

Your friend sounds like a right bitch. Not sure what message sponsoring £5 gives. It would put me right off her! You didn't just sponsor that charity £5 though, you sponsored £20!!

ConcreteElephant · 09/05/2015 19:56

So she thinks a fiver doesn't go very far? Well, tell her it goes further than nothing, which is precisely what she'll get next time she asks.

And what's with the request to keep anything under £10 anonymous? Are you supposed to be ashamed?

She's being ungrateful and rude to boot. Give it no further thought.

Shallishanti · 09/05/2015 19:58

YANBU, she should be grateful for all donations
related to this, in my workplace there is a sponsorship form on the staffroom wall- meaning that not only is the amount everyone gives public but also their home address is made public too. I'm having exactly the same problem in that most have given £10. It isn't a charity I would normally give to (just not a priority, not that I'm against it)....and now I feel embarrassed that even giving £5 will look mean
Confused

AvonleaAnne · 09/05/2015 20:30

Lots of people I know who run for charities don't tend to ask for sponsorship, they raise the money through cakes sales, raffles and other types of things. This is probably because nowadays it seems like everyone is running for charity! I think it has reached the point where you have to be creative if you want to raise money.

CombineBananaFister · 09/05/2015 20:46

Aww that's bloody horrible - she maybe needs to work on her charible attitude. It doesn't quite sound in the spirit of things when someone dictates a minimum donation.

It DOES put people OFF sponsoring if all they can see is high amounts on the page NOT encourage higher amounts so it's lose lose for the charity - I'd be embarassed with the £2 i could afford so wouldn't bother.

Incredibly rude

CrystalHaze · 09/05/2015 21:00

it sends a message to others that it is okay to donate a low amount and for future reference it is better to donate anonymously and keep the amount hidden when it is less than £10.

Disgusting attitude from her, the ungrateful little baggage.

I often have a similar situation. Last year I knew 20 people doing the GNR, and I don't have £200 to donate, quite honestly.

Bumply · 09/05/2015 21:13

A reasonable amount is what you can afford.
I've only run once for charity because I dont like asking people for money.
If I ever get up to doing a marathon I might have another go as I see that as something special, but I'm happy with whatever anyone is able to give

rubydoobydoo · 09/05/2015 21:42

That's horrible - I did a half marathon for a small local charity last year, and was grateful for any amount - low amounts were good, because if people saw everyone sponsoring me £20 they may not have been able to afford that much and not sponsored me at all - but if everyone I knew had just given a pound (or even 50p!) it would have soon added up!
I also threw in a big chunk of cash myself.

bumbleymummy · 09/05/2015 21:46

She is being VU. Any time I have done a sponsored event I am happy with whatever amount I get. No one has to donate anything.

bumbleymummy · 09/05/2015 21:47

"if people saw everyone sponsoring me £20 they may not have been able to afford that much and not sponsored me at all - but if everyone I knew had just given a pound (or even 50p!) it would have soon added up!"

Completely agree with this.

singlikethepianoMargot · 09/05/2015 21:48

Ugh. Sponsored events are the worst. Your friend sounds like a pain in the arse.

2rebecca · 09/05/2015 21:49

I run and cycle and hate sponsored events. If people want to donate to charity they should just donate themselves and not hassle their friends. Tennis golf and judo players aren't forever hassling people for money to do their sport why should runners.
If it's that arduous you'll only do it for money then find another hobby. People who expect sainthood for doing long distance sporting events piss me off. I'll cycle 100k for fun. People who adopt a pained expression and pull out a sponsor form annoy me. Take up knitting instead

ScotsWhaHae · 09/05/2015 23:10

I'm doing the west highland way next week and the amount of people who have asked me who I'm doing it for has surprised me. I'm doing it for me! It never occurred to me to do it for charity.

beezlebop · 09/05/2015 23:13

OP, what an awful attitude that person has! I always say if everyone that could gave a pound we'd all be fine! I just wouldn't bother again, ungrateful Madam! As for being a pointless amount of money that would buy a couple of mosquito nets for instance, etc etc xx

Flyinggeese21 · 10/05/2015 00:18

Your friend was bang out of order and you were donating to the charity, not her personally, and the charity I'm sure would be exceptionally grateful for ANY donation at all.

Completely besides the point, but £5 is actually very generous.

SwirlyThingAlert · 10/05/2015 01:12

Not read all the replies, but my initial response is that I'd want to tell her to go get stuffed.
What on earth is wrong with £5? You're showing your support, plus the charity is getting an extra donation.
I absolutely would never sponsor her again and hope no-one else ever does too

Loric · 10/05/2015 01:15

I use any money given to me for Christmas or birthday for sponsorship at £5 or £10 a time depending what my reserve is by the next Christmas What's left goes to my own charity

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