Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend upset over sponsorship ...

110 replies

SponsorshipDramaLlama · 09/05/2015 17:40

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but maybe I'm wrong. I've name changed to venture into this part of the forum, partly because you can be a bit brutal and also this will identify me if my friends are on MN ...

I'm a keen runner, belong to a running club, do several races a year. A friend has never really run but is quite sporty and athletic. On the spur of the moment she decided to do a half marathon, did a couple of weeks training and successfully ran it - all great so far.

She decided just beforehand to do it for charity and asked me several times to sponsor her which I promised I would do. Being somebody who socialises with a lot of runners, it wasn't surprising that I knew eight other people doing the same race. Four of them were also doing it for charity, and by coincidence, three were doing it for the same charity (I wasn't running it as I had done one the week before - I've never run mine for charity as it's a hobby not a special endeavour for me).

I spoke to DH and we agreed we wanted to sponsor all our friends so decided to sponsor each one £5. So we were contributing £20 to one charity and £5 to another. We had also sponsored a few people doing the London marathon and it's all getting expensive. While we don't struggle, finances are pretty tight to the wire each month. We both work but childcare cripples what we bring home each month and we aren't high earners.

Anyway, my friend hasn't really spoken to me since doing her race and hadn't replied to a few texts. I asked a mutual friend in passing if she had seen her recently and she said that she had but knew she was a bit upset with me for only sponsoring her £5!

I sent her an email after I heard this and said great job on the race, you did really well and should be really proud of yourself for raising a good amount for charity. Sorry we couldn't contribute more but we were also sponsoring quite a few others in the same race and wanted to support all our friends equally rather than just one person a larger amount.

She replied and said it was okay but she was a bit upset as £5 doesn't go very far and it sends a message to others that it is okay to donate a low amount and for future reference it is better to donate anonymously and keep the amount hidden when it is less than £10.

I feel pretty put out and wish I hadn't bothered to sponsor her at all. DH says forget it, move on and don't sponsor her again but it is making me worried about sponsoring others - is £10 really considered the done minimum now?

OP posts:
ThingummyJigg · 09/05/2015 17:56

....lingering case of jogger's nipple.

ScotsWhaHae · 09/05/2015 17:58

No, I just wouldn't donate Carol

balletgirlmum · 09/05/2015 18:01

Wow, how ungrateful.

I would have sponsored £1 each in that circumstance of having several friends running the race, maximum £5 for someone doing an out of the ordinary event.

BalloonSlayer · 09/05/2015 18:01

it sends a message to others that it is okay to donate a low amount

Well, it IS okay to donate a low amount.

Ratracerunner · 09/05/2015 18:01

Also sounds like she is more concerned about how she 'looks' to other people in terms of the total value raised, rather than being happy with just raising money for a cause. I.e. A self promotion ego exercise.

Original poster
SponsorshipDramaLlama · 09/05/2015 18:05

Thanks everyone, I was worried I was a bit of out date with what I considered a reasonable amount. I knew she was being rude but it was the comment about doing it anonymously that upset me most, like I should be ashamed to be sponsoring such a low amount.

The reason I never run for charity is because running is my hobby, I do it for fun, I'd be doing it anyway so I'm not making a special effort. Plus I hate asking people for money, I find it too awkward expecting them to donate to MY choice of charity.

I agree Race for Life is one of the worst as it is so popular and everyone I know seems to expect sponsorship for it. I did have to stop last year.

I think I will avoid her for a bit but our DDs are good friends and I don't want to rock that friendship at all.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 09/05/2015 18:09

sometimes my DS does sponsored stuff at school for charity. I ask my colleagues for £1 maximum if they want. I hardly ever sponsor fun runs etc as I've got a couple of charities I give to every month. Your friend is being very rude.

LittleIda · 09/05/2015 18:13

So how much has she herself donated to the charity? You haven't donated £5 to the charity, you've donated £20, but presumably the money doesn't count if it's not on her donation page. Hmm

TheRealMaryMillington · 09/05/2015 18:15

If she felt that strongly about the charity she should just give her own cash rather than expect other people to. End of.

I've sponsored two people this month - one to do the Live Below the Line Challenge, for the Trussell Trust. Another person, who has been battling an eating disorder most of her adult life did her first 5k and was raising money for Mind. Both of these things were a massive challenge to the people involved, for non-sexy charities that I wanted to give to, and this month, I could afford it. I usually do a blanket refusal for all sponsorship.

RandomMess · 09/05/2015 18:16

Urgh that annoys me so much. How rude of her! For all she knows you as a family have gone without x y z to make those contributions!

There are a few times I have considered doing something for charity such as run that would honestly be a huge effort etc. However I don't want to hassle people for sponsorship so I don't.

NiceBitOfCheese · 09/05/2015 18:16

Surely one's contributions to charity are a personal matter, and not something anyone else is entitled to have an opinion on??

No-one should have to justify which charities they support and how (financially or by donating their time).

Remind her it was her choice to run, and this does not create an obligation on anyone else to donate to her chosen charity.

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 18:16

Hmmmm. In 2 minds here. DH is not a natural athlete and has run 6 half marathons. He finds it such hard work - he trains for 6 months and still doesn't get decent times, but he does it for charity. So I'd sponsor based on how hard they find it. If sponsoring a friend who runs for fun and finds it easy I'd probably sponsor them a bit less and the one that I knew had to put in so much more effort more.

But I get that lots of people asked and you did it the way you thought most fair without having to eat nothing but beans on toast for a month.

WillowKnicks · 09/05/2015 18:17

YANBU

Sounds like more of an ego trip, than a race TBH!

hidingfromthem · 09/05/2015 18:18

your friend is a twatty bitch.

TheRealMaryMillington · 09/05/2015 18:24

Disappointed One, I mean this kindly, no-one runs marathons "for charity". They do it for themselves, for the challenge, the euphoria, the focus, the camaraderie, for a fitness goal, for other reasons. I know it is really bloody tough and not an ego trip but if you want to raise money for charity there are many more effective ways.

AyMamita · 09/05/2015 18:25

YANBU and your friend is rude and ungrateful. I don't sponsor anyone unless they're doing a marathon. I'd be broke if I sponsored half marathons, 10k, 5k, Race For Life etc.

woowoo22 · 09/05/2015 18:26

Friend is twuntlike.

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 18:30

I agree MaryMIllington. Now I write a cheque instead of him putting it all through it. Raising £250 for charity and spending £500 to do it makes no sense!

VelvetRose · 09/05/2015 18:32

Wow! Unbelievably rude! Where I work it's not uncommon for people to sponsor others for £2 or £3 and others don't sponsor at all. I'm amazed that she was so rude as to complain!

VelvetRose · 09/05/2015 18:36

I say that as someone who has run several half marathons and one marathon. I only asked for sponsorship for the marathon. I did do it for a charity that was very close to my heart but I don't agree that because I'd trained hard for it other people should sponsor me a lot of money! It's my choice to do it!

Superexcited · 09/05/2015 18:36

I have done several 10k runs and a half marathon but only one has been for charity because I don't think it is fair to keep asking people to sponsor me. If I was doing it for sponsorship I would be grateful for any donations - even £1 per person.

When I am asked to sponsor other people I someone's don't because I think they might be like OPs friend and get uppity if I donate a small amount. I think expecting large sponsorship amounts puts people like myself off sponsoring at all.

ThingummyJigg · 09/05/2015 18:37

DisappointedOne so you are sponsoring your dh not to run a marathon?

Genius! Everybody wins!

Apart from the gym/trainers and sportswear shop/chemist etc. but sod them.

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 18:39

Basically, yes. He still has the running shoes, clothing etc, and trains for his own health rather than to run a race with thousands of others at the other end of the country. So everybody does win.

Yarp · 09/05/2015 18:41

She is being really unreasonable

I wonder if she has equated the amount of money donated to a judgment of her achievement? If so, that's even more unreasonable - did she do this for charity, or for her own selfish reasons?

WyrdByrd · 09/05/2015 18:46

Totally unreasonable. I'd consider £5 to be pretty generous and as for the comment about doing it anonymously - so bloody rude I don't know where to start.

Swipe left for the next trending thread