To wonder why we are making our DC do so many activities?

[Happyyellowcar]

Chatting to some other mums today and a couple of them start listing all the activities their DC (3&5) do: ballet, gymnastics, climbing, swimming, theatre groups, rainbows, after school computer group & tennis were all mentioned in the space of 5 mins chat. I did swimming from the age of 7 and a couple of other activities until I left home. Mostly I came home, played out with friends or watched tv if the weather was bad. Why do some people feel compelled to sign their poor tired DC up to a zillion stretching activities from such a young age these days? Is it competitiveness? Who is benefitting here? AIBU to not want to push my DC onto this particular bandwagon?

My dd1 does a lot of activities including 10 hours of gymnastics a week, plus swimming, and Ice skating, she still manages to play out on her bike several times a week. DD2 does drama and Gymnastics for a total of 3 hours a week. They are very different children DD2 likes to chill out at weekends watch TV play with toys in her PJs so although she did do weekend activities she dropped them when she started school as she likes lazy weekends.DD1 NEEDS to be busy. DD1 is shy and the activities she does has boasted her confidence and improved her social skills no end. DD2 super confident anyway.
As for passive parenting that is hilarious it takes up so much time ferrying and juggling activites. Stay at home and do crafts or have a pretend tea party or spend 2 hours driving to gymnastics then watch gym for several hours whilst helping with fundrasing etc at the club. My DH and I alternate weekends as we would much rather be at home than doing the club runs but DD1 loves it.
As a child my mum would sign me up to clubs then after a few weeks it would become a hassle so I would stop going. All my siblings the same even now with my much younger sisters and my word does it annoy me. My youngest sister is a talented football player but she has been to loads of clubs and then stopped after a few weeks because it became an inconvience

I belong to a tennis club too. One that has a few pros in the top 500. 3 is too young for tennis classes. It is just about improving coordination at that age which you can do in all kinds of ways

The point is that at the weekend I personally go cycling with my Ds then we may go swimming, go to the park to play catch or football and play with as many other children as we find on the way

At aged 3-6 your kids want to be with you and other kids. There is no need to Palm them off on anyone else and there is no expert knowledge that the parent doesn't have

Yes at older than 6 then a say a specialist tennis coach comes in handy

It's lovely that you choose to spend your time with your ds that way mijas.

My dc love their 'tennis' sessions which, as you rightly say, do not consist of much formal tennis but of games and exercises which enable familiarity with a full size court, a racket and balls. -none of which are available to us in a more informal way. They are not palmed off and have a parent directly involved or 10m away.

Your situation suits you - ours suits us.

Not read the whole thread so forgive me. Was thinking my DS1 does too much - just this morning he had a football match and is now at goalkeeping training. He also does tennis Monday, football training Wednesday, more tennis Thursday, cricket Friday, football matches Saturday.

However I want him to have the opportunities I never had - my parents couldn't afford things for me so don't want him to miss out at all. Also at his Yr 7 parents evening his PE teacher said he could tell he plays lots of sport outside school and DS1 tutors the other children in tennis because his technique is really good so it does pay off. He will try his hand at anything he tries which I think is a fantastic way to start life and helps to build his confidence.

DS 2 is not as sporty as DS1 but plays tennis, is part of a church choir so attends singing lessons on Mondays, Computer club Wednesday, Swimming Thursday and Athletics Friday, Church on Sunday.

I don't want them sat at home on the ipads all week after school.

My Ds does music lesson at school, cubs, swimming and cricket...He has tried various things , dropped out of some. I want him to have a rounded idea of sports.

As for playing out..I remember been a early teen, hanging around drinking and smoking. Hanging around. He is not a teen yet however I want him to have a choice.

I am also aware of the stats that say children who take part in formal activity as children are more likely to continue as adults.

That said I am aware my DS does need downtime to sit at home doing not a lot

I wonder how many parents who encourage their children to take part in extra curricular at an early age, did them themselves as children and recognise the benefits.

My Dd (5) has danced since she was 2.5 and now does 45 mins on Thur/ Fri (home by 5:30) and 2 hours on Saturday of various dance classes. She isn't always keen to go and if she is very tired we skip a session. But for me I know that dance gives a brilliant foundation for many sports, she is strong, supple, has courage and determination, discipline, performance skills etc. Remembering dance moves helps improve memory skills which will help her retain information etc She is an only child so gets to be with children her own age and to be around the older girls who are role models.

She wants however wants to do basketball classes - which there aren't any in my area.

Whilst it is important to be a child and have time to play and not to over exert them with the changing world around us it is very important that time management becomes an integral part of our life and like any skill the sooner you learn to do it the easier it will become.

"I don't want them sat at home on the ipads all week after school."
How depressing is this comment?! Can't they do anything for themselves at home like some cooking or gardening or reading or bike riding or making mud pies or technical Lego or something? Can you not set them some activities? Is it really a choice between computer games or structuring their every moment of free time? Do children not just play anymore?

This thread is littered with silly generalisations and assumptions

My dad does loads of activities because she wants to. When she's not doing activities she does loads of things - baking, playing in the garden, making up dances etc.
My sons don't want to do them so they don't.
I like in the centre of a huge town - they can't 'play out' although she is getting big enough to meet friends so does that.

She does 10 hours swimming, 5 hours acting and dancing plus school practices of netball and athletics. She still fits her own things in. There are lots of hours available in a week.

Totally agree with single re recognising benefits.
I spent my school holidays outside playing in the neighbourhood for most daylight hours, but I also had a hobby I was very serious about from the age of about 7. My DM spent most evenings driving me to my hobby, weekend competitions etc, and I spent hours and hours each week practising. My hobby allowed me to meet so many new people, travel abroad for the first time, gain independence, resilience and work ethic which has been crucial to success in my academic and working life. I honestly believe it has made me who I am.

I would LOVE my DCs to do similar and therefore would support them to try new things and hopefully find their passion.

In theory Happyyellowcar you are correct but my children are older - 9 and 11 - they have outgrown the get a jigsaw out and lego phase. Toys don't really interest them anymore. When they were younger we did the sand pit, trampoline, blow up waterpark in the back garden, painting etc etc.

DS2 draws and is creative. DS1 goes out to "hang" with his friends so its not just ipads.

I think I have mine doing so much because I want them to have the opportunity to find a passion for something, then we can develop it.
DC1 (10) does piano, tenor horn in a scout band, weekly family swimming, Cubs, and at school he does running club and choir.
DC2 (8) does piano, trombone in the scout band, family swimming, Cubs and cricket. At school he does musical theatre club. He's just dropped an ensemble as he had too much on.
DC3 (3) does musical theatre at the weekend, but nothing else formal yet. Once she's started school, she'll start music lessons of some sort, as it seems to be a skill that leads to opportunities.
Maybe it's too much, but I don't want them to feel limited in their options, or scared of trying new things.

Forgot about music lessons - DS1 used to take piano lessons but it wasnt for him so stopped. DS 2 - has guitar, drum and trumpet lessons. If they have the opportunity to try something and they enjoy it was is the real harm.

DD does musical activities - she's very talented. She enjoys some of them, not others - does anyone enjoy scales I wonder?????
She does a sports class (a sport not offered at school) because otherwise she's sat at home with her nose in a book!

She used to do tons but we cut it down - as soon as she got her 200m badge at swimming we stopped classes for instance, and she hated ballet. After trying lots of stuff before she was 10 she now has the few things she really enjoys.

I wanted her to try lots of stuff as I was brought up in the middle of nowhere with a mother with no car and a once a week bus service so never got to do any after school stuff at all!

I wish my dc could play out but we live on a busy main road, which is very steep too so no way am I letting my 5 and 7 year old out just yet. mine do rainbows, brownies and guides, dd3 does a sports class once a week and dd2 does dancing and 2 after school classes each week although the dancing is going in September.

I think I've got the balance just right, or I hope I have, they do enjoy each activity, if they didn't I would have no problems in giving it up.

Mine haven't done a lot of out of school activities, and no more than once a week.

At the moment, it is just DC5 with choir (once every two weeks).

A benefit of private schooling is that they can do all their music/drama/sports in school.

miijas that's not been my experience at all, just because my kids do a few extra classes that they enjoy doing doesn't mean I can't be bothered to spend time with them, they get plenty of that when they come full of beans about the class and what they have been doing. All 3 of my dds do guiding, rainbow, brownies etc and it's a proper local thing, gives us all a chance to join in and gives me and the dds an interest together.

I had no classes or hobbies when I was growing up, even though I desperately wanted to go to brownies and take up a musical instrument. My parents said no, it was too much faff or they were to busy or tired, my mum used to sit and chains more for hours and watch TV all evening and my dad used to sit in front of his model trains for hours doing what they wanted. Now that imo is can't be bothered passive parenting

I wasn't going to be one of "those" mothers with dc in clubs every night oh no I am a relaxed, dc can amuse themselves type But then...it creeps up on you. Mine 7 and 9

You realise other kids swim with beautiful proper strokes and yours just doggy paddle so you sign up to swimming lessons

Both adore (as did I) rainbows and brownies don't want them to miss out on that experience

State school good but minimal languages friend starts up french class kids enjoy it - another club. Met an interesting woman at a party who teaches kids mandarin so signed them up both really like it.

Sedentary 8 year old discovers passion for gymnastics want to encourage physical activity so she goes to gym class and little sister follows

Aargh

-My 2 boys do football in winter, cricket in summer and then Ds1 does piano and Ds2 does Cubs.
Dd does ballet, tap, football and cricket, plus rounders and tennis at school.

So individually not too much, but there's only 2 of us and I work some weekends - it becomes a nightmare. Then one of them ends up very good at something (Dd) and instead of once a week, that becomes 4 or 5 times a week!

The important thing is that they are not forced to do anything. They love being busy, and if Dd's match is called off, she's miserable! I love it, I love being busy and they gain so much from it. Ds2 scored a hat trick this morning and he's still buzzing :)

Something I've been noticing in RL and from these posts is that sporty people seem naturally more inclined to organise lots of sporty activities for their DC while musical people are organising more music lessons / singing etc. DH and I are v sporty and not at all musical so I'm sort if expecting the DC to follow suit - we're both into martial arts for example and so at some point a DC might want to have a go too...so how much do the parents choices dictate the kids choices in the end? I wouldn't have a clue about helping someone learn an instrument!

Not sure how much we influence what they do - peer pressure is a different matter though.

I'm not sporty or musical. DH is sporty and the piano is his but he had lots of opportunities when he was a child so feels its normal for our children to get the chance to try everything they want to.

I was a child in the 70s. At primary school age I played netball and hockey, went to brownies then girl guides, had Sunday school once a week, went to drama club and also had a hobby that required one to one lesson each week, daily practice and competitions every school holidays. I also played out every night and all weekends that I wasn't doing an activity.

From the age of 8 I went to all of these activities on my own. I rode my bike there and back, with the exception of sports matches and competitions that were not in my home town.

We were just an ordinary working class family.

Its clearly different strokes, isnt it?

My DD does after school activities four times a week (football, swimming, tennis and piano) and ballet at weekends. She would do more if we could afford it. She is very active and likes structured activities - hates pottering about or watching TV (unlike her Mum ).

I'm all for it, personally. She's getting loads of exercise, gaining confidence and competence, and as she progresses in her classes she is learning about practice, getting accomplished at something and self discipline.

DS on the other hand doesnt like structured classes (he is Aspie) and doesnt do any of them. He is a screen addict, and to be honest, I'd much rather he was out at a club every day. Its got to be healthier than endless Cartoonito and Nintendo. But I cant and wont force him into stuff he doesnt want to do. Recently found a computer coding club for him though, which he enjoys....wish there was more he would do.

Peer pressure works both ways too.

My DD loved dancing until 2 months ago when she came home from school one day saying her friend told her dancing was bad as she didn't have anytime to play so she wasn't learning, because playing = learning.

I suspect that DDs friend had asked her mum for lessons and that was the response that she was repeating as it's not something a 5yr old would come out with themselves.

We live in a deprived area and very few of DDs classmates do extra curricular activities. So not doing any is the norm.

Sorry posted too soon.

Since that day DD has been difficult to get too classes.

Children have lots of energy and most of them want to do the extra activities, they are not forced.

Imo you need to try few activities to find the one you love and you are good at it.

In an ideal world it would be great if they also played out and ride bikes like we did but the scheduled activities have other benefits such as learning structure, organising time, team playing, focusing on targets etc.
Imo there are pluses in the childhoodwe had and pluses in the childhood our children have.
I am not sure which childhood is better but Mijas99 i am sure that it is not passive or easy taxi your dcs to activities!