To wonder why we are making our DC do so many activities?

[Happyyellowcar]

Chatting to some other mums today and a couple of them start listing all the activities their DC (3&5) do: ballet, gymnastics, climbing, swimming, theatre groups, rainbows, after school computer group & tennis were all mentioned in the space of 5 mins chat. I did swimming from the age of 7 and a couple of other activities until I left home. Mostly I came home, played out with friends or watched tv if the weather was bad. Why do some people feel compelled to sign their poor tired DC up to a zillion stretching activities from such a young age these days? Is it competitiveness? Who is benefitting here? AIBU to not want to push my DC onto this particular bandwagon?

I think the jibes about passive parenting are off the mark too ... Many parents whose DC do a sport for a long time end up involved. My OH is treasurer of DS's cycling club and qualified to drive the club bus to competitions, and other parents are trainers and judges.

Admittedly one of the reasons I like DS doing gym is that the club offers free holiday courses and as I work from home it is handy not having him under my feet ;)

I did loads of activities as a child but my DC hardly do any. There's not much to do close to our home and DH isn't home until late so anything further out would involve trekking with the little ones as well.

I never understand why people say they feel children can't play out anymore. I'm happy for mine to play out but they can't because their friends aren't allowed.
DS1 is 10 and in September will be walking to and from Secondary school as will his friends.
None of his friends are allowed anywhere unsupervised, I have suggested this and that but the parents all say no. The most I can get them to agree is the Mums sitting in the cafe below the cinema while the boys watch a film. There is a fantastic park about 3 mins walk away, it has proper crossings but none are allowed to go there without a parent. His school have done a residential every year of juniors but his friends have only been allowed on this years one.

DD hardly does any after school clubs but my boys both have ADHD. It helps them to be kept busy - both mentally and physically.

I was born in the late 60s and from a WC family.I did lots of after school activities-ballet. swimming, piano, brownies etc.I don't think it is a new thing though maybe more widespread now.

I never understand why people say they feel children can't play out anymore. I'm happy for mine to play out but they can't because their friends aren't allowed.

It can be impractical in cities, though. You have lots of kids going to different schools (completely different from when I was growing up), neighbourhoods are transient, no one has a big garden, and they have to be a bit older to walk to the park alone.

Although not letting a 10 year old walk to a park 3 min away is bonkers. I would absolutely allow mine to do this, but somehow it doesn't happen until maybe 12 around here.

Mijas99 I happen to think it's the opposite of what you say.

When I was a child in the 70's/early 80's I used to really enjoy going dancing but being a shy child I wanted my mum to at least pick me up from classes. I'd see all the other girls running off to be with their mum's and I wanted that to. Some of the mum's would obviously know each other and there would be little huddles of groups laughing and being friendly together whilst I was alone and felt like an outsider looking in on all of this.

My mum was a SAHM but she preferred coffee mornings with her friends than being engaged with my activities so I stopped going. I would have benefited from some structured activities being a timid child to build my self-esteem and confidence. It's taken me many years to get over my natural shyness. I think for shy children participating in a few activities away from their normal school friends can be beneficial

Perhaps in the future there will be threads about 'being brought up in the 2010s' - adults who can't relax, or relax too much because life was so hectic and filled in their childhoods!

But although posters say interests are DC led, if you drive the DC from their front door to the event, then are there to pick them up to transfer them back home after the event - why wouldn't they do stuff, it requires no effort on their part.

If they had to save up pocket money to pay the fees or walk there and back it would be different I'm sure.

Well, playing violin for an hour (for example) does require quite a lot of effort.

Of course my son wouldn't chose to play violin if he had to pay for it, it costs roughly 5x his weekly allowance. Surely that's not a great measure of whether he actually wants to do it, though?

"Oh, sure, your child likes salmon. Bet he'd choose plain pasta if he had to pay!". Well, yes.

I did loads of activities as a child - far more than my children have ever tried. I had an early 80s childhood. I did something every night of the week, and I have to say it hasn't done me any harm. I'm a pretty well rounded adult .

As for starting young, I signed my daughter up for everything age 3 - 5 because that was a good age for her to try lots of different things and try to tire her out a bit. At that age, she was extremely active, so she used to do preschool in the morning, and an activity in the afternoon. This still allowed for lots of free play and coffee afternoons and more importantly meant I managed to get her to sleep at a decent time. I used to joke that she was a bit like a dog that needed a good run every day .

Then by the time she started school, she knew the hobbies she wanted to keep up and those she wasn't so keen on. She kept gymnastics and ballet. She joined the squad a term into primary school and she now (aged 11) trains 15 hours a week for gym and does 3 hours of dancing a week. She competes in both. People still say to me "doesn't she get tired?" The answer is no, and I find the gym keeps her almost normal. When she's not been going (injury etc) she's bouncing off the walls. But she's always been that way!

My motto - every child and situation is different. As a child, I tried every activity going (from horse riding to judo, every type of dancing - ballet to ballroom, brownies and Junos, cornet and violin). Some I only did for a few months, others I did for years. But I gave everything a go (and was encouraged to) and enjoyed lots. I always thought my children would have the same opportunity, but both my girls have only done gym and dance. You can't commit lots of hours and try everything! But they're happy and well rounded children and that suits them.

That's a very long winded way of saying every child is different - some like lots of hobbies, some don't. Horses for courses, it's not a competition and there's no need to judge what any one else does. Live and let live.

I find it fascinating that people feel so strongly about what other people do with their dc and attach such massive judgements and assumptions to it. I would think that the amount of activities dc do is based on so many factors ie cost, availability, personality, previous experience of parents, wishes of child, talents/aptitude of child, need for after school care, number and age if siblings, available transport etc etc.

My dc are 3 & 5 and could be viewed from the outside as doing far too much. The 3 year old does tennis, ballet and gymnastics and the 5 year old does swimming, ballet, gym, rainbows and tennis. 2 of these activities are because their childminder's dc do them so they join in rather than hang around (and they love it). Tennis is because DH is really involved in the club and takes them along and rainbows is in a different village and I feel offers a great opportunity to make friends outside of the immediate circle/school. Swimming is an essential life skill ime but as dc1 has completed her stage 3 now and is a competent swimmer we are going to drop weekly lessons and just do occasional holiday ones.

My dc2 has a medical condition requiring at least 30 mins active Physio/exercise per day and tbh I love an organised activity taking the pressure off.

Money wise I budget carefully and specifically use child benefit towards their activities.

Both dc love everything they do, ask to go and never moan about going. They have a lot of time at home and friend's houses and plenty of time outside in woods etc on long family dog walks. We do not have a big garden so are often out and about.

What we do works for us at present but when dc3 comes along and dc2 starts school it may well be that we can't do any of their current stuff. And that's ok with me, as I don't see dc activities as indicative of parenting in either direction.

DD1 does loads of stuff. She's six.
She does rainbows, three dance classes (tap, modern, ballet), swimming and a drama group.
I insist on swimming - we live by the coast and I think it's an essential life skill, plus if she wants to do surfing or something water based when she's older, which is likely as it a a big thing here, I want her to be able to take part.
Everything else, she wants to do. I ask every half term if she wants to keep going to each thing, or drop it, but she chooses to carry on. However, she also has bags of energy and routinely doesn't sleep until 9.30, despite having an 8.00/8.30 bedtime. And then she's up bright eyed and ready for school in the morning. So she's definitely not a poor, worn out child.
If she was here, she'd not be playing out with other kids. We love in a tiny very rural village. There are no children nearby - the closest friend is a good 10 minutes walk away up a road with no pavement and then down a wooded track. And although we don't have loads of cars through, the ones that do use the road drive too quickly - cars zipping past our house at 40 or 50 are not uncommon and with no pavement, it's not safe for her to be out there. She's not doing that until she's much older. So the clubs are a good way for her to spend time with other children.
Not everyone lives in a set up where playing outside in a big gang of kids is possible. And clubs are therefore a great way to socialise.

My DS is 6 and doesn't do any after school activities.
We live in a rural area and I've no idea what might be available. Where are they generally advertised?

word really no need to get so aggressive - I'm simply giving my opinion in an online forum and encouraging a discussion which a lot of peeps seem to be interested in. This is hardly imposing my opinion on anyone else's DC! I'm genuinely interested too because I'm not sure if the DC are really benefitting or whether the parents just hope/feel like they are doing the right thing. I'm absolutely sure that the parents are trying to do their best to help their DC "get ahead" or become "well rounded" or something. I live in an area with the 11+ and know quite a few parents who have their 3yr olds already signed up to a tutor for 7 yrs time for example. This is another symptom of the same issue IMO. The reason they are signed up so early is because the "best" tutors are booked up years and years in advance. I haven't done that but feel anxious about that too! Should I be doing that? Is it the right thing? It seems quite ridiculous really.

altinkum really just curious as to how you fit 11 activities in the week esp when you both work full time? This really isn't a criticism, I am just genuinely curious!

Ps. WHAT IS KERBY??

I grew up in the 1980s....I never played out... I don't understand the concept tbh. I lived on a normal road in London...where would I have played? I was a lazy child though so quite happy sitting at home! My ds however is very active and sociable. I'd love him to be able to go and play outside all day but the roads are too busy and I'd be a complete nervous wreck. I pay a small fortune for classes for him to keep him entertained!

I went to boarding school and every spare minute of our time when we weren't in school or studying was filled with activities. Mostly sport, which is an old trick at boarding schools for ensuring less of the nighttime high jinks by knackering the kids out. During my time at school I did clubs in tennis, hockey, netball, rounders, cricket, volleyball, badminton, shooting, swimming, athletics, astronomy, drama, fencing, debating, community volunteering - you name it, we did it!

I do remember being absolutely shattered doing my a levels, but it helped me out on my ucas application to have so many extracurricular activities, and I think prepared me really well for uni and the world of work, where I often had to work long hours and burn the candle at both ends.

Personally I'm glad I was kept so busy, as even with all that going on I still managed to find time to experiment with drugs and underage sex, god knows what I would have been getting up to if I'd had more time on my hands!

I have very young dc now, so not decided yet how I will organise things, but my oldest does ballet, and I'm keen to get her into sport and music if time and budget allow. I think a nice balance between chill out time and structured activities would be good, but I'll have to see how realistic that is to achieve!

Kerby (Kirby, Kirbsy) is standing either side of the road (with raised kerbs) and throwing a football at the opposite kerb trying to make it bounce back to you to catch. You get a point if you catch it. If it bounces to the other player, or over the kerb, or you fail to catch it you lose a point and the other player takes possession.

I like the idea of kids being unstructured and bored at home When I was young I had a neighbour to play with all the time and we had large gardens. However realistically down time at home now consists of Xbox / screen based activities. DS is 10 and is never really bored because the games are so great.
However they definitely stifle imagination.
So his time is very structured with tennis, cricket, 2 instruments, football. This way he keeps fit, makes new out of school friends, and is away from the screens enough of the time. His schedule looks crazy to my parents, ( I did not have these opportunities ) but he's happy and he is accustomed to it. Also his siblings are much older so not much company for him.

Our eldest is 6 and the activities have only really kicked off this year. He goes to Beavers one evening a week and has recorder lessons during school hours. At the weekend he then has swimming and piano lessons. That is enough for us to manage TBH. Music practise on top of homework/reading is enough to fit in of an evening. We also have three kids so we need to keep room in our schedules for the others and paying for 4 things (plus swimming for DS2) is enough! Thankfully music seems to be his "thing" so he is happy with that at the moment.

We are lucky to live in a quiet cul de sac so there is lots of playing out with the neighbours too. I think we have a good balance so far.

I'll hold my hand up to having pushed our older son too hard when he was too small. age just-6 he was doign swimming 2 x week, judo and gym.

it was too much for him, the poor boy was exhausted. we stopped the gym and after thinking hard about it, kept pushing him to go to swimming til he got his Diploma B because we felt it was a safety issue - there are a lot of canals to fall into in the netherlands.

Why did I do it? I wanted the best for him, saw other kids doing lots of activities and thought that he would be missing out if he didn't. Also his gross motor skills were poor and I didnt want him to get teased or left out at school sports.

But he's a lot happier doing only judo and gym (we're picking that up again as the swimming is finished and he has discovered how nice it is to be able to do some of the gym things). Won't make the same mistake with Kid #2 unless he turns out to be so energetic that we -have- to do it.

It's not just school age kids I ha e friends with little ones that do tons of activities as the mums don't like being in the house!!!

Mine have a maximum of 2 activities a week and none at weekends, it gives time for having people for tea and family activities.
I agree that some people go too far though - another mum was telling me about her sons activities , he is at breakfast and after school club every day and then onto an activity. On Saturday mornings he has 2 activities and sometimes one in the afternoon. It's absolutely crazy

Thanks ex! I put in a lot of hours bouncing balls against walls and catching them so similar sort of thing! Can't imagine many kids play Kerby now!

I find the opposite...I'm trying to restrict my dc's extra curricular stuff but if my 7 year old had the option, he'd be doing something every night.

At the moment they both (age 7 and 5) have football training once a week, plus a match on a Sunday during season. They also do swimming once a week after school and at the moment they're doing a 6 week Mad Science course one day after school.

Ds is desperate to add something else when mad science has finished and is begging for karate, golf and beavers

So we've told him to have a think, pick one - then he'll be doing 3 activities on week nights (football, swimming and one new one), plus a fball match on a Sunday.