To wonder why we are making our DC do so many activities?

[Happyyellowcar]

Chatting to some other mums today and a couple of them start listing all the activities their DC (3&5) do: ballet, gymnastics, climbing, swimming, theatre groups, rainbows, after school computer group & tennis were all mentioned in the space of 5 mins chat. I did swimming from the age of 7 and a couple of other activities until I left home. Mostly I came home, played out with friends or watched tv if the weather was bad. Why do some people feel compelled to sign their poor tired DC up to a zillion stretching activities from such a young age these days? Is it competitiveness? Who is benefitting here? AIBU to not want to push my DC onto this particular bandwagon?

It is pretty difficult to do activities )or indeed have friends to play) if DC are in after school childcare.

They can also be expensive.

Some things, like playing a musical instrument, need time and practice to get good at.

I have one DC that dislikes clubs (but has enjoyed recorders one lunchtime and we make her learn to swim which she moans about) and another who loves them but gets overwhelmed if she does too much (due to SN) so just does one at the moment.

I remember my mum despairing that my brother never wanted to read or do anything organised outside school, if made to try something would always stop, he just played with his toys or with friends, later got into games workshop and art a bit. As adults he and his wife have all manner of crafty hobbies and he's an avid reader.

It seems to me that there's nothing wrong with extra curricular activities if DC like them .

I have one DC who loves organised activities (at 15 she still does a club every lunch time and one most evenings after work, plus voluntary work on a Saturday). And one who prefers to do his own thing.

Shrugs.

My parents house sits on a little "green" and there is another green across the road and one further up the street. In the 80's when I was young the green was always populated by kids playing out, football, rounders etc by themselves. Sometimes we went to the other greens although I wasn't supposed to cross the road. The parents kept a collective eye on us as they could just look out of their windows. If you got hurt a parent would come out and take you home. These days you rarely see a child playing out on the green. So sad.

It's not a new thing, except perhaps the start age seems to have got younger for everything.

I used to do an activity every evening plus play two instruments and do a sport on a Saturday morning - because I wanted to and my parents very kindly facilitated that.

I also played out unsupervised most of the school holidays and every Saturday afternoon (when I wasn't reading Enid Blyton books and eating sherbet dip dabs).

My siblings did fewer activities, because they didn't fancy doing as much. I still like to be busy, and I think it was good for me to focus on non academic things.

My DCs are only 3.5 and 6 and just do swimming at the moment, but they might start a martial art in Sept as have expressed an interest. DS also has after school clubs two days a week when I'm at work. There's also plenty of playing in the garden, chicken feeding, Lego time etc

My dc's do loads of clubs - swimming, gym, drama, beavers, football - but apart from swimming it's all led by them.

Growing up I did swimming, tennis, riding, brownies and I still felt I had time to play out. As long as it's not more than one in a day ( I know kids that have back to back clubs all day Saturday) I don't see a problem.

thewordfactory I did specify that I am talking about parents who organise lots of extra activities for their very young DC who haven't particularly asked to do them.

YANBU. The most important part of my childhood was the endless hours spend either alone or with friends, just mooching around, thinking, reading, playing, squabbling, making up...
DS does Cubs and piano and that's more than enough, quite frankly.

happy but if those kids enjoy them and the parents think they get something out of them, why not?

At any organised activity it's usually obvious that the majority are loving it but a few are hanging back and would rather beat home. Why should the majority not continue? Why would it be better for them to be at home?

DD went to ballet 'early' but that was because she walked shuffling and hunched over (like me, due to injury). I wanted her to walk tall, with poise and now she does. She only went for about a year age 4-5 but it was good for her.

Now as her choice she does swimming and gymnastics out of school and sports and choir in school. She also spends all weekend in the park being 'busy' and playing. I may have to introduce her to Kerby this weekend

Depends whether the kids want to do them! If my mum had of suggested I cut down my dancing classes for 'down time' I would of been devastated!

If the child doesn't really want to do it though YANBU

I find that the clubs just accumulate. It starts with dancing, then your second dc wants to do dancing too. Now you are committed. If you suggest dropping it then dc1 says 'but I really enjoy dancing' dc2 then says 'but dc 1 has been doing it until they are 10 so it's not fair if I have to stop now, I want to do it until I am 10 too.' dc1 'but I looooove my dancing, it's good exercise and it's not fair if they still do it and I have to sit outside / wait at home on my own'.

Ok they've won the dancing but what about swimming dc1 is now level 8, dc2 level 6 - they can both swim. Dc3 though would still drown if they fell in deep end so dc3 needs to keep going. dd2 'but it would be boring if I just have to sit and wait for him', dd1 'I used to hate swimming but now I looooove swimming'.

Ok what about Brownies (dd1 only started because x and y were doing Rainbows, they have long since gone to kungquogymathlon) - 'but that's not fair as dc1 stayed on to go to Guides', 'I looooove guides, it's sooooo much better than Brownies' 'when is it that I can start Beavers?'.

My lot love their activities and are all training to be UN negotiators! I love the end of term when the watching weeks are all over. I keep checking (in hope) that they still want to continue but at this rate they will be planning their wedding around Brownie holidays, dancing shows and swimming galas! Not to mention piano recitals, netball tournaments, art exhibitions etc.

I think the activities thing is part of passive parenting to be honest

Its much easier to taxi them around then to actively spend time with them

mijas99 - that's a ridiculous assumption to make. I guess you don't taxi your children around to several different activities at once or you'd realise that for yourself. Besides , many activities actually require quite a lot of parental input. You don't get very far with violin and piano lessons if you don't also practice at home

FWIW my children don't do the same activities except for swimming where they have lessons at different times to one another. Later on today I shall be taking my DD to an activity. DS and I shall sit in the car for an hour and I will help him with some last minute revision for his SATS next week. Whenever one child is doing an activity, I take the opportunity to spend quality one-to-one time with the other child. Hardly what you'd call passive parenting.

I swam to a high (international)level as a child. I trained approx 15houra per week whilst I was school, and there were many many times I hated getting up at 5am. I was pushed by my parents.

But, now, I am soooo glad I did. I have a great achievement under my belt, have got a job out of it (swim teacher), but best of all, I have something I can do if I want to zone out for a while - I can enter the water with a problem, swim on auto for a few miles, and I'll come out smiling and problem solved.
I'm fairly sure swimming so much hasn't affected my social awareness as one poste above suggested.

I just don't know how the parents can be Arsed! Doesn't it take over your entire weekend?

I have really struggled over the years to keep down the amout of extra curricular activites that my DD does.
She is a very active child, always keen to try new things and work hard, I have suggested that she cuts down but she gets upset at the suggestion.
Even now that she is 15, she dances for 20 hours a week out of school, does her Suke of Edinburgh ( on a weekend atm)
An unexpected bonus is that she has now accummulated 160 UCAS points already for University due to her dance exams.

OP, it seems that you don't want to do many organised activities with your DC.

That's fine. You know your own DC best and if they'd enjoy them or not.

But why d you feel the need to impose your view on your DC on other children ? Why are you turning something so trivial into a Good Parenting/Bad Parenting issue?

3pm until bedtime (8.30) is a long time. So having an activity or two after school does not mean no down time.

I have a very energetic child, who frankly needs the outlet. He is better behaved at school on the morning he has football etc before class. And he doesn't have the opportunity to just play football with friends afterwards as there is no where he can safely go at his age.

If he wants to do it and we can afford it, I sign him up. Makes him a happier child.

I did 3 activities in the 80s but also remember lots of time playing in the street. I teach an extra curricula class and the only thing I would add, is that while at 5 it's fine to have lots of things, if the child Is talented and wants to one day go pro, you can't do too many things. Instrument practice at a high level is several hours a day. But for most ppl it's just giving their kids different experiences which is fine too

I do think a lot of kids do too much too young. I think generally it's better to do one or two activities that they are committed to, rather than lots of activities that they mainly enjoy for the social side. It's an expensive way of giving your child a social life.

Mine do about the same amount of activities as I did 40 years ago (I did gymnastics, and played piano, guitar and clarinet). My 14 year old does a lot of music; the only other thing she has time for is a zumba class for general fitness. My 12 year old has been racing BMX bikes since he was 5 and for a long time that was all he did, though he's recently started doing gymnastics.

No, Suzie! Quite the opposite, in fact. DD does a couple of activities at school and a couple of others immediately following school. One (Brownies) I do as well as I am her Brownie leader. There is one activity which happens every weekend and horse-riding which only happens once a month.

I'd like my dc's to do more.

At present they just do music lessons - two instruments each, and that costs me £85 a week, so that's all they're getting.

I think the activities thing is part of passive parenting to be honest. Its much easier to taxi them around then to actively spend time with them

Right.

Mine are pretty busy, but they're graded musicians, in top sets for Latin and French, and on the A-team for their favorite sports. It wouldn't have happened otherwise. I have't pushed any of it and they're happy about it.

DS1 is 9 and does judo, rugby, horse riding, swimming and cricket. He also does guitar lessons at school and has a tutor on a Tuesday evening. But here's my disclaimer; he has Aspergers and dyspraxia, and part of the dyspraxia when he was younger was terribly poor core strength and stability which had a knock-on effect on his handwriting and ability to sit quietly and calmly in class. It was suggested it might be helped enormously by sports like swimming and horse riding so we let him try them all thinking he'd find a niche and he ended up loving them all. While he's happy to carry on I'm happy for him to continue.

Part of the reason he enjoys them, too, is that they give him great confidence boosts. His Aspergers can mean that socially he struggles having people here on playdates so at sports clubs he can socialise without the pressure.

DS2 is 4 and is NT, but has sort of fallen into certain hobbies just because DS1 is there, so he also does swimming, judo, horse riding and Rugger Rats, which is just baby rugby. He has mentioned that he wants to go street dancing like his friend O at nursery but I've held off, mainly because we're so busy but also because I want him to have down time. If at any point he wants to quit, he can do. It doesn't mean I'm any less engaged with them, or a passive parent. It's just one of those things; my children are happiest being physically active. I expected them to be this way, though, as I ran and swam for county at school and at Uni and DH played rugby at quite a high level for a long time. Sporty parents are probably much more likely to produce sporty offspring. That combined with DS1's additional needs means that sitting about chilling out is great for short bursts, but wouldn't work for us every evening of the week because DS1 has so much energy he'd implode.