Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to think man on tube was a definite perv?

77 replies

cakedup · 07/05/2015 23:43

Sorry, FB related, I rarely post on FB myself but a friend updated her status to say she was standing on an overcrowded train with everyone pressed up against each other. She then realised the man behind her had an erection, so she turned around to double check this was the case, and he laughed, apologised and patted her on the back.

She gets all the usual "Ew grim" replies from her girl friends, and one of them suggests she phones British Transport Police. A male friend then comes on to say that he agrees it was grim, but that the man probably couldn't help it.

This is what I think; that unless we are talking about a 15 year old prone to reflex boners then I don't really buy the accidental boner thing and that he probably knew exactly what he was doing. In any case, if it was accidental, then you'd something about it - put your coat in the way or think of your dead dog or whatever. No matter how packed it is you'd find a way to move and you certainly wouldn't laugh about it.

Bloke comes back on to tell me that I am 'misguided', that it's not something you can turn on or off like a tap. He does agree that the way the guy dealt with it was creepy though. But that he can't be blamed for being sexually aroused.

He got my back up because I still felt like he was being a perv-apologist whereas he just thinks I don't understand the science of boners because I don't have a penis.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Doggygirl · 08/05/2015 02:35

Yes a perv - sex offender in fact.

Same thing happened to me on the tube - vile.

Akire · 08/05/2015 02:43

YRNBU she can report it there is new campaign for women to report things that made them feel uncomfortable. If a decent bloke "accidental" had an erection I'm pretty sure they would do everything they could not to press themselves on to the woman next to them, and if someone had noticed would have died of embarrassment not laugh. Sounds like he gets kick out of it. She should report it, the more women do the better picture and resources can be put into this.

domesticslattern · 08/05/2015 02:46

It has happened to me too. I suspect it has happened to many (most?) female commuters at one time or another.
He could have shifted slightly to move away from her if he had wanted. But he didn't, as he was getting his kicks. He also enjoyed her attention and discomfort.

Akire · 08/05/2015 02:48

Link to video of campaign here m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/7062078

abigamarone · 08/05/2015 03:14

I vote perv. Any normal man would make sure his uncontrollable erection wasn't bothering anyone else.

skinnyabc · 08/05/2015 06:26

Nasty. I agree. Its horrible

BitchPeas · 08/05/2015 06:42

Definitely a perv. Transport police would be very interested. It's really common sadly.

Original poster

cakedup · 08/05/2015 10:11

Unfortunately pervs-on-the-tube is a familiar story, not that I'm any less outraged when I hear about it. But what got me, was this young bloke excusing his 'awkward train boner' as he put it. And not of the other girls who posted comments argued with him. Depressing.

OP posts:

MrsTedCrilly · 08/05/2015 10:41

God that's grim.. I've had boners poking into me from male friends and that's been VERY uncomfortable so I can't imagine a stranger! Okay yes maybe it is uncontrollable but please don't poke it in someones back.. It's sexual harrassment! Imagine him doing it in the street or in a shop, wouldn't be okay would it.. But on a packed tube it's somehow accepted.

FineDamBeaver · 08/05/2015 10:55

Jesus, is this really "a thing"? I must be horribly naive as I've never experienced/heard of it.

If, as I assume is the implication here, the man was pressing said boner into your friend (especially if consistently doing so rather than an accidental bump) then yes this is definitely harrassment in my book. Sure, perhaps you can't help having an erection sometimes, but you can definitely help what you do with it. Same argument as for rape really.

dominogocatgo · 08/05/2015 10:57

There was a piece on this subject not long ago on the Jeremy Vine show on R2. One woman talking on there had this happen to her, and said it wasn't til she'd got home that she discovered she had actually been seagulled too. Grim.

FineDamBeaver · 08/05/2015 10:59

Wow, bet Jeremy Vine had a field day with this one.

lostincumbria · 08/05/2015 11:10

So the guy didn't haven't any space to turn? Yeah right.

FarFromAnyRoad · 08/05/2015 11:13

"Seagulled" - is that a thing? I've put down my toast and I'm feeling quite queasy!

Spanglecrab · 08/05/2015 11:18

As a man it would say erections do occur in inappropriate situations but I have always managed to avoid hitting random women with mine when they do occur.

FineDamBeaver · 08/05/2015 11:24

Spangle, I assume you have also managed to avoid any pesky "seagulling" incidents?

Andrewofgg · 08/05/2015 11:29

Agree with Spanglecrab. Probably too late to do much about it now, though.

SevTSnape · 08/05/2015 11:42

Men can't always control their boners. Also, if you've been on a tube in rush hour, you'll know how impossible it can sometimes be to even just shift your weight.
Perhaps, he thought he had brushed her briefly, and the whole "sorry ha ha" was because he was hoping she hadn't realised what had rubbed against her out of embarrassment.

Spanglecrab · 08/05/2015 12:17

Just going to google seagulling .............

Spanglecrab · 08/05/2015 12:18

Yeah no that's never happened!

Momagain1 · 08/05/2015 12:35

When is soon enough to report, Andrew, and when is too late? It certainly can't be reported as it happens, unless the victim spots an officer on the Tube car and the guy is caught in the act. Any report is going to be after the fact, and sooner is better, but any time is soin enough, if it can define a pattern. Two or five or ten reports giving the same description of where, when, and what he looked like means something can be done, just as with any other crime. Saying it is too late to bother, is pretty much agreeing with FB guy, that a bit of pervishness simply can't be avoided, boners happen and a bit of self indulgent nudging and rubbing on strangers is an uncontrollable thing that women simply have to tolerate.

No.

As with catcalling, speaking out to draw attention must be done. Whether it be done at the time, in an official report, or on social media. Ignoring incidents with polite embarrassment and undirected annoyance hasnt worked to eliminate it in the last century in the west. We arent going back to being segregated when possible as our own history, and current events in countries that still practice this, show that it only seems to make even worse male behaviour excusable. The only way to reduce it is to make the depth of it more obvious, so that police and social pressure both can work against it.

dominogocatgo · 08/05/2015 12:58

Also the pervy guy will probably blame the victim for rubbing herself against it making it get like that.

popalot · 08/05/2015 13:02

A perv apologist is usually a perv themselves in my book. Otherwise, how can he defend it unless he thinks it was ok? Which makes him a perv himself.

squoosh · 08/05/2015 13:31

He was definitely being a perv.

It's happened to me. I was so furious and creeped out that I said, very loudly 'STOP RUBBING YOUR PENIS AGAINST ME'.

He scarpered at the next stop. We're generally far too polite, we should shame them there and then.

Original poster

cakedup · 08/05/2015 13:34

SevTSnape you sound a bit like the FB guy to be honest. I have been getting on tubes in rush hours for years. Yes it can be a squash. But not so much that you can't move at all, I for example have never had to press my tits against anyone before. It's not a laughing matter, any decent bloke would be mortified, not trying to minimise it (so to speak) as some kind of joke.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread