To ask if you've ever known anyone who has never been in a relationship?

[peachblossoms]

And if you did, what were they like as a person? Were they quite peculiar?

A good school friend of mine. She's lovely and at 41 has never had a relationship. She is kind, attractive and friendly but very much her own person and self sufficient. Her emotions are impenetrable whereas I'm more of an open book and chat about all sorts of my boring issues.

OP - you say you have had counselling, what kind was it? IF the issues are deep rooted and require fundamental and big change then you need proper psychotherapy that lasts as long as it takes - if you just had counselling for example that comes throuh your GP - then I would suspect that wouldn't be sufficient.

although I did have relationships throughout my life I never had very happy ones - and when I was 30 I had therapy which transformed my whole life because it allowed me to see why I was being drawn into negative situation and why I had the low self esteem that keeps us away from happy relationships.

You need to go out deliberately to find a relationship sometimes - I know people say oh just get on with your life and someone will turn up but I'm not sure that's true. It sounds banal but I decided that I would deliberately set out to make new friends and someone would come that way, and it did...Im married now with two kids!

I know, I guess I could try psychotherapy but where do you find it? Is it expensive?

Whisk was far less aggressive than those judging you from the OP alone not reading the full thread.
My other half had had no relationships prior to me, lost his virginity fairly late for a bloke, 24, but none of that was a deal-breaker for me. He had a lot of unrequited relationships mind, can think of at least five.
Another friend had a couple of relationships but nothing long lasting and several onecnighters but essentially refused to settle and good on her - so was a bit older than you when finally found The One and had kids. Fertility is always described in ticking clock terms and there is nothing wrong with that but it does not always potray an accurate picture for every woman...certainly I had kids at 30, 39 and 42 one shot wonders without trying just not using a condom that one time, okay three times I might be a huge exception to the rule but there are some of us out there.
Have you considered freezing your eggs? Have you considered doing a profile on something like Guardian soulmates?
Did you meet the one that got away, had unrequited love or just never met anyone you wanted to know better?

My lovely cousin who is in his 50s and is probably gay but has never come out.

And a lovely friend who again I suspect is gay but has never been brave enough to face it.

Not saying there is a pattern.

An acquaintance in her mid 30s. She's a very committed Christian, does a lot for her family and community. She's warm, genuine and would love "a family of her own" (her choice of phrase, not mine) but has accepted that "God may have other plans" for her (again, her words)

DH's uncle never had a relationship his whole life. He was a lovely, sweet gentle man. He was very closely involved in DH's family, we often thought he had a bit of a crush on DH's Mum, (they were friends before she met and married his brother, DH's Dad. He was handsome and sociable, I'm sure he could have found someone if he wanted someone. At his funeral, DH's bitch of an aunt kicked off about me sitting with the family, (DH and I were not married), so I sat at the back of the church alone and wept. According to village rumour I was either a long lost daughter or tragic younger secret lover

DH's brother is actually quite similar to their uncle. He is apparently gay, but has never had a serious relationship. He has excellent friends though.

(Once told me that no man had ever asked her out, so it's not like she's being picky!)

Set yourself some goals then OP, finances pending.

1. Relate offer counselling to singles not just married couples and can offer a free 25 minute live chat with a therapist.

Maybe worth considering to see whether it might help?

1. Join an evening class/adult ed class, something a bit more sociable like Spanish or sign language?
2. Use a dating service/do a speed date evening
3. Go to your works do if working and force yourself to talk to someone new/see if anyone can set you up with an acquaintance (my least favourite option having had 3 blind dates from hell ;-)
4. Ignore all the above and accept yourself as you are, perhaps looking at adoption, fostering or sperm donor.

Hope this helps rather than patronises you.

A lady who lives in Devon who is now 75.

I have a friend who I know had a relationship in 1968 but I don't think she has since then (she's late 60s now).

Yes - several people.
No - none of them are peculiar in any way. I presume just never met "the one" and prefer to be single than to hook up with just anybody.

I know a woman who is in her late 50s and has never been asked on a date or been kissed or had any kind of romantic involvement.

She is neurotypical and very very strange - interacting with her is challenging, to say the least.

I wasn't aggressive. I said that you should have stated straight away that you were talking about yourself.

I don't like the fact that your ambiguous OP has led to people having a bit of a laugh at lonely people, like my brother, without stopping to think about the fact that they may be laughing at adults with additional needs.

And yes, as someone else pointed out, others have been worse, so why pick me out in particular

Yes my dh's best friend. In the 17 years we've been together he's never had a girlfriend. Nor before that apparently. He's a brilliant guy, always helping us out with diy, fab with dd. His mum is always saying to me 'I must know someone!' but I honestly don't! Everyone is married/coupled up and seems like he's missed the boat. But he would make a fab husband! I want to get him online but he won't let me.

Is mumsnet dating a thing yet?? If not it should be! If it is then where do I sign him up?!

Yes I know one guy in his late 50s, perfectly normal (whatever that means) just not interested in that side of things. Has a very happy life with lots of friends and interests.

Another is a woman in her early 40s, has been waiting for someone good looking and rich enough since she was about 20, problem is nobody has been. Feel kind of sorry for her.

Yes, a co-worker from a job a few years ago. Lovely woman in her 40s, bit eccentric and had some Asperger traits (imo). She was very close to her mum & brother, but had never had a proper relationship or had sex. I know she found men attractive, and would sort of flirt, but in quite an innocent way. She was successful career wise, had her own home and doted on her nieces.

All in all she seemed quite content with her life most of the time, but had a hard upbringing (dad was not a nice man from what she told me) and every now and then would sink into fairly serious depressive phases. She overshared quite a bit, but I liked her and didn't mind being a sounding board.

I have a school friend who will be 29 this year and has never had a relationship - at school everyone assumed he was gay because he wasn't interested in the whole 'i fancy so and so' thing, but he's not - he's just not interested in a relationship. He's had the odd snog in clubs etc but nothing more (as far as I'm aware) and he is perfectly happy (if a tad eccentric) with a great academic job, travel and friends. He just doesn't seem to need a relationship. I don't doubt he could get sex or a relationship if he wanted as he's very popular with the ladies!

Another friend, sweet, a little awkward and very religious, decided on his 29th birthday that he wanted to meet someone, having never been in a relationship but always having hoped for a family one day. Despite being shy, he joined a dating site and last month celebrated his 30th birthday with his girlfriend, a similarly sweet, shy religious woman who is perfectly suited to him

My best friend in her 50s has never had a relationship, lots of flings but nothing long term. She is brilliant, very funny, very happy and has great social skills. Just never met anyone who really rocked her boat.

Yes loads:

• A few 30-40 something self-professed geeks in my friendship group. Lovely chaps, but often very shy with woman, not very appearance conscious and spend most of their time with other very geeky men.

• Several 60+ women of my mum's acquaintance. Many were religious and didn't meet the 'man they would marry' so therefore didn't form anything serious with any men at all iyswim.

• I also had a friend who was (is, probably) extremely camp. Everyone assumed he was gay, but he told me drunkenly years ago that he may well be, but to be honest he wasn't interested in anyone 'that way'.

I have more examples than that, but I don't think it's as unusual as the media (couple focussed in the late 20s, family in the mid to late 30s) would have us believe.

I also know of more than one person who got married 'late' (including a 40 year old who got married from their parents home) and for whom things have worked out very well, years after they and everyone around them had assumed they were confirmed singletons.

Me Never been in a relationship and never had sex. I am, however, a mother to twins and am eternally grateful that the technology exists for that to have happened.

I've just never really been interested in relationships, and couldn't see myself living with someone (other than my children).

I have a lovely friend who is 45. She has never had a relationship. Her Mum passed away 18 years ago and since then she's been looking after her Dad(she still lives at home). She always wanted children but has been her Dad's carer for a few years.She would've made a great Mum.I've known her for years and she comes to see me every week-she never forgets mt children's birthdays and I do wish she'd meet someone;she deserves to have a soulmate.

I hadn't until exP and was over 30 but it happens, nothing wrong anyone. For me I am just quite shy and introverted, and didn't feel I needed to be in a relationship with anyone for the sake of it - I would rather be single than with someone I only feel meh about.

DH's best mate… They've been best friends since primary school and are now early 40s. He is a lovely, kind man who is massively caring about his friends and family and works hard.
But he is asexual. A lot of people theorised that he was gay and in the closet for years, but he has several gay friends and a 'safe' friendship circle he could have come out to if he was.

He is a good looking guy that many people have tried to set up with girls and boys over the years, but he just isn't interested.

He is happy, he comes to special occasions and is the life and soul of the party. He just doesn't want a partner...

Two: Bil (40), and Sil (35).

Bil is asexual.
Sil is kind hearted, but a Negative Nelly and for whom the expression 'comparison is the thief of joy' was written. Rather draining.

But then I thought I was a late-bloomer at 23! Everyone at uni seemed to be connected a la '8 degrees of separation' - only, by about 4 degrees! I left the UK at 23 and found myself in the arms of Johnny Foreigner

I have a friend who's in her late 30s and has never had a relationship. She's very pretty and gets lots of attention, and she's not 'peculiar' (whatever that means). I haven't asked her why she hasn't had relationships, as it's none of my business, but she seems happy enough with the situation. To be honest it seems a better way of living than another of my friends, who seems to be strangely attracted to arseholes and has been in lots of crappy relationships that make her miserable.