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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

......to think a strap-on dildo might be the answer?

104 replies

ReallyWantsIt · 04/05/2015 20:45

so, backstory is that dh has erectile disfunction, has seen gp got pills and so on but limited success. anyone used one of these contraptions successfully, does it feel real?

OP posts:
SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 04/05/2015 21:15

Has your DH got depression/taking ADs?

TheImprobableGirl · 04/05/2015 21:15

If you are going to start introducing toys and tools in the bedroom, it is definitely the way to start small. Erectile dysfunction is largely a mental issue in a lot of cases, so the atmosphere needs to be comfortable and without pressure.

Show him how to make to make you happy. Light candles, give massages, I recommend a board game called monogamy, take the pressure OFF, give cuddles and kisses, fellatio, cunnilingus, use feathers and feelings and words and sensuality. Step away from the strap on

namechange2015 · 04/05/2015 21:18

Forget the penetration side of things for now. Concentrate on the many other ways of pleasuring each other. Perhaps once the pressure is off things may improve.

WhywouldIdothat · 04/05/2015 21:24

What has DH said in response to your suggestion you use a strap-on?

I'd say not many men, erectile dysfunction or not, would be happy with this. It's kind of like turning them into a lesbian?

Gruntfuttock · 04/05/2015 21:34

measles64 he's 38.

snowglobemouse · 04/05/2015 21:34

THIS IS WHY WE NEED A SEX BOARD

PacificDogwood · 04/05/2015 21:38

No, we don't need a sex board for these kind of questions although AIBU is maybe not ideal - how about General Health?

As he is young, he should have a full assessment re his cardiovascular risks done, diabetes ruled out and hormones checked.
A GP can do this, although some areas run specialist clinics.
If no physical cause can be found, avoiding all penetrative sex for a while and psycho-sexual counselling can be VERY successful.

Does he achieve morning erections? Can he masturbate successfully? If yes and yes, there's less likely to be a physical cause.

StuffedCrustPizza · 04/05/2015 21:38

Did OP just NC when answering measles64?

Koalafications · 04/05/2015 21:41
Confused

Where is the strap on coming into this?

babymouse · 04/05/2015 21:44

How would it turn a man into a lesbian? Hmm

OP you might want to get this thread moved - but yes there are strapons that would go over his penis. Only you know your husband well enough to know if he would be receptive.

Like a pp I would suggest doing everything but penalties sec for awhile to see if taking the pressure off helps. But if you want to add this to the mix there is nothing wrong or emasculating about it. It's just a tool to help get you off - you wouldn't tell a builder that he didn't build a house because he used a hammer, just like you wouldn't tell your partner that he didn't get you off because he used a toy do get you there.

measles64 · 04/05/2015 21:44

Good advice PD. Please no-one underestimate how devastating it is when what you take for granted as the physical side of your relationship is snatched away from you. It has a massive impact on both of you.

Pipbin · 04/05/2015 21:45

I think so Stuffed

babymouse · 04/05/2015 21:45

Penetrative , not penalties

Idefix · 04/05/2015 21:46

What Measles says...has your DH had full health assessment to ensure there is not a physiological reasons for his loss of erection? There are lots more options than tablets that can be explored. Is the strap on his suggestion or yours? If you are both happy with this it would not be wrong. Erectile dysfunction is incredibly hard to come to terms with for both partners but it is really important to explore all your options and to both be on the same page.

Gruntfuttock · 04/05/2015 21:47

"Did OP just NC when answering measles64?"

No, I just answered her question about the age of the OP's husband, because I thought the OP had told us, but looking back I must've got mixed up with another thread, because I can't see where she said that now. Sorry about that. Blush

MarniRose · 04/05/2015 21:48

I'd probably get this deleted and start again tbh as it sounds like you've outed yourself

BigRedBall · 04/05/2015 21:49

I thought I'd read the age 38 too somewhere after you wrote it but that's another thread in relationships I think.

Gruntfuttock · 04/05/2015 21:50

It's OK, I was getting mixed up with this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2371115-AIBU-to-think-if-your-well-enough-to-drink-then-your-well-enough-to-have-sex where the man in question was 38. Sorry for the confusion.

Gruntfuttock · 04/05/2015 21:53

I'm not the OP! If you look at the second post by the OP in the thread I linked to, you'll see where I got the 38 from. I got them mixed up because of the similarity of subject matter.

Koalafications · 04/05/2015 21:56

Gruntfuttock are you sure you aren't the OP? Grin

BigRedBall · 04/05/2015 21:56

Now now grunt....you seem to be protesting a tad too much . Grin

PacificDogwood · 04/05/2015 21:57

Grin Grunt

Anyway, my advice stand, whatever the age of the OP's DH.

Gruntfuttock · 04/05/2015 21:59

Yes, but I'm cringing at the thought that anyone thinks I might be! I wish the OP would come back and tell us her DH's age and get me off the hook! It better not be 38.

Fairenuff · 04/05/2015 22:01

Haha, unfortunate thread mix up there grunt, you'll never live it down Grin

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/05/2015 22:09

Yes because nobody could possibly build u a reasonable posting history and be a troll oh no no no.
Or a regular poster trying to prove a point after the recent "we want a sex board thread"
No course not silly silly me

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