AIBU to expect parents to control children even in the likes of Pizza Express

[Jewels234]

I know it's more of a family restaurant, but there are children all around me going mental. Screaming, having tantrums, standing on chairs. It's horrendous.

I am probably being unreasonable being here in the first place, but I love a leg gera salad.

YANBU.

I enjoy taking my children out to eat. DS loves it but can get over excited and run (his preferred method of getting anywhere), talk too loudly or eat quickly and get bored because DD is chronically slow at eating. However I never let him do these things and he does get told off for them and he will behave. I often take those Us Bourne Co, uring/pattern books where you can rip the pages out to keep him occupied. I hate to see badly behaved children when we are out. It's worse if I go out with my friends and their children as they make no effort to curb how their DCs behave when we are out for a meal. It's pointless me telling mine to behave the with the other 13 or so allowed to do what they like. I avoid going with them as it's just stressful and I'm always mindful of other diners, shame my friends don't think like that.

To explain, I was reading up on joint attention for a school governors report for ds2 MLD school and it reminded me that children stare at faces and people of a way of learning social interaction. Ds2 has never done that hence why he can't learn some of the basic skills we take for granted. I used to weep inside when a little child looked at me and held my gaze for a long time as I so longed for Ds to do the same. That why I said it is a lovely developmental stage IMO as it is a corner stone of development for very young children.

DS2 stares. He even stared as a baby. We used to joke that he was an evil genius plotting to steal our souls.

He's the boy who turned 9 yesterday and has only just acquired enough spoken language to say "pirate" or "Twirlywoos". He has ASD and learning difficulties.

DS1 also has ASD and finds staring threatening. DS2's staring in particular.

One thing that was guaranteed to floor me was babies chattering, mind.

And I realise that equally, staring for too long can be an issue for some children with additonal needs as they get older but I took goldenbears post to be describing that learning curve when a child holds your gaze with a deadpan face.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm posting-we've been to PE once and that was enough for a lifetime for me. I ordered the most disgusting dish with warm, sloppy mushrooms on salad. was revolting.

If Paddington can have a 'long, hard stare', a length of time can be attributed to a stare, hence a 'momentary' one. A 'glance' is not the same thing at!

A momentary stare is called just looking. Staring implies a longer look. Just about everyone looks at things/people/stuff. If we didn't we'd bump into things a lot.

My comments about staring referred to NT children.

It seems that others agree with me about the definition of staring.

Two people agree with you- that's great!

Make that three

Four.

The concept of a momentary state has given me a good chuckle.

People who object to small kids staring remind me of the lovely woman on the bus who said "what are you fucking staring at" to me when I was about 4. Nice.

My DD stares at people and waves and says hello. We try to divert her. 99%of people ignore her.

Actually make that 99.9% as maybe 2 have said hello and smiled ever.

Obviously kids screaming in your ear or running about is not good.

But society just seems so grinchy here these days.

I've got zero objections to kids smiling, waving, what have you - my kid often gets waves back from bus and train drivers, high school kids on buses, etc. It's lovely.

But how are children to learn that many people find staring rude if we don't teach them that?

Fanjo that's awful, I will always smile at anyone who smiles at me!

No objection to kids smiling ir waving either. I would wave and smile back at your DD fanjo, but would appreciate it if you tried to stop her from staring.

Yes people waved at my DD when she was young and cute.just not now.

I agree Jassy

Smiling and waving are nice interactions and you'd be pretty miserable not to acknowledge them. If a child is capable of understanding that staring is rude I think that staring should be discouraged.

Fanjo that's a shame.

See.." but I'd appreciate if you tried to stop her from staring". Well it's hard as her understanding is limited and she loves people but I do try.

This is what I mean about parents of NT children making life difficult for parents of children with disabilities by not putting boundaries in place. I'd expect a parent of an NT child to discourage staring at an age appropriate point but I would hardly imagine that fanjo can ensure her daughter complies with behaviour she doesn't understand.

Ds has only recently come to the point of looking at people. His stares are very much toddler type stares at peoples faces and for him they are a big step forward. I won't be discouraging them for now.