AIBU to expect parents to control children even in the likes of Pizza Express

[Jewels234]

I know it's more of a family restaurant, but there are children all around me going mental. Screaming, having tantrums, standing on chairs. It's horrendous.

I am probably being unreasonable being here in the first place, but I love a leg gera salad.

Who the hell goes to 'Giraffe' without children? I mean the name says it all. It is very confusing in some of them as they have play areas. My brother was asked to put his 18 month old in a high chair by a waitress but she was heading for the steps to the basement where she knew the ball pit was!

I think YABU and intolerant.

YANBU. There is a minimum of considerate behaviour that should apply to everyone in restaurants. Having children with you, or the restaurant not being an expensive one, doesn't mean it's okay for kids to run riot around the place, or for babies to be left screaming their heads off while people at other tables are trying to have a meal.

How are they meant to learn how to behave in restaurants if not taken at a young age

They shouldn't be running around - it's dangerous and not fair on the staff. Either give them something to occupy them or take them to a restaurant with a play area

What about not taking your children out to eat until they are able to sit quietly and sensibly for a couple of hours to eat a meal?

How do you know if they'll sit nicely unless you try it though? With my youngest two it's anyone's guess. In the past we've had a few good runs where they have been impeccably behaved and then boom, they are both terrible and we end up leaving early with left overs in doggy bags.
They sit well enough to eat at home but then here they don't have to wait for a long time for their food.
This is something we work on all the time. I'd never let them run riot in a restaurant while I sat back and ignored them however expect a bit of tolerance when it's obvious we are trying to keep them occupied, take them out etc.

By far the most disrupive group of people I've come across was a hen party at a restaurant with ages ranging from early 20's to around late 50's. They were shrieking, shouting, standing on tables and throwing food. Maybe some people are never ready.

YANBU 6yo DS isn't a huge fan of eating out, it involves sitting still for too long, but we went to Pizza Express this weekend for a little family celebration. We had a great meal. DS and the waitress hit it off and she was lovely to him, and best of all there were plenty of gluten free food and drink options for DH, which aren't offered by other restaurants.

We would never tolerate DS standing on furniture or moving away from the table at all though, let alone running around.

We recently ate in a pub with some friends whose 5yo DS was a nightmare. He completely ignored the waiting staff when they spoke to him and refused to eat anything. By the end of the meal he was crawling under the table, climbing over chairs and making a racket. DS obviously thought it might be ok to follow him but a couple of glares and a hissed Sit. Down. put paid to that!

The parents were stressed out about their son's behaviour and did try to discipline him at first but just sort of gave up at the end. Fortunately we were in a small annex so didn't disturb other diners, otherwise I would have been very embarrassed. They travel as a family all over the world, and eat out a lot. I expected their son to have learned how to behave with the experiences he has had.

Sometimes you cannot stop the banging on tables

What? Forgive me, I'm not sure whether you're talking children who are NT or children who have additional needs. But if its the former then you bloody well should! Remove the item they're banging. If they continue remove them from the restaurant. But for the love of god don't leave the rest of us to put up with a drum solo

In fairness, the reason people look a bit dismayed when a couple with small kids sits beside them is because they've probably had several experiences of rude parents who do nothing while their children disturb other customers. I know it's annoying for the parents who do keep control over their children, leave if a baby is crying inconsolably etc to be tarred with the same brush, but at the same time you can't blame customers who get a bit antsy when they realise that family with the toddlers are making a beeline for the table beside them.

Is it just coincidence that I've just received a 25% off voucher from Pizza Express?

Oh come not taking children out till they can sit quietly is ridiculous nobody not child or adult sit quiet when they eat out they chat or laugh and children do cry and make a fuss ive walked out of places with a child throwing a hissy fit saying children should sit and just be quiet is daft eating out is a social thing but letting then charge about is very unreasonable and dangerous but children only learn to be social when youtake them out.

Maybe if we all keep saying pizza express we will all get vouchers

If I go out to Cafe Rouge, Pizza Express, Wagamama etc I expect others' children to be well behaved generally, not scream in my face at the table next to me (Wagamama) or run past me screaming as I am say going to the toilet. So many kids these days whether its in the street or in restaurants/cafes behave like monsters - though yesterday when I was out in Dulwich I didn't stop for tea apart from at Dulwich Gallery Tea Shop - and generally all the kids were angels and their parents mentined to me to "watch out for the lady" etc - even when on scooters/bikes etc.

As someone said on page 2 when I went out as a child with my DB and our friends/parents etc we were expected to behave well and taken out or spoken firmly to in a quiet voice if we didn't listen. A restaurant in Crystal Palace where I lived and now live again (moved back to area recently) called Joannas was a TGI Friday sort with hamburgers, cocktails etc and we were allowed non alcoholic cocktails and knickerbocker glories (big treat) - this place had signed photos of film stars, friendly staff and crayons for drawing on mats.... but we would have been told off and taken out had we not behaved.

This sounds very Victorian but I also remember being turfed out of pubs or put in the games rooms back in 70s/80s simply for being kids.

a bit of laughter, talking etc is fine from kids but not yelling at the top of your voice or chucking stuff around (seen in countless Pizza Expresses). It is also generally the Boden lot who seem to be guilty of bad DC behaviour maybe its the money they have that makes them the parents entitled.

Children don't come with a control panel.

Yes they do. It's called 'parenting'.

In fairness, the reason people look a bit dismayed when a couple with small kids sits beside them is because they've probably had several experiences of rude parents who do nothing while their children disturb other customers.

Yes, I think this is probably the case: they will have had too many experiences of children running about while parents do nothing or sit smiling beatifically at them. Thus, people are girding themselves expecting the same and finding lovely chatty burbly children who don't run around is a lovely surprise.

I was in another PE in London yesterday in a party of 10 (3 mums and 7 kids aged 3-10). There was loud talking and a good number of trips to the loo - very near our table. But they were all well behaved. No running or shouting. There was quite a bit of parenting.

I once took my kids (8&10) to a posh Italian near the office. We arrived and a colleague was waiting for someone to arrive for a serious working lunch. He looked horrified....I think his younger kids are hard work. However, mine were perfectly behaved and didn't disturb anyone including colleague on next table.

It can be done.

JacquesHammer, my son bangs with his hands. I can't remove them.

My two are naturally quiet and seemingly well behaved in this context but I am lucky to some extent. I feel for some parents where the child's natural disposition is to be quite disruptive or loud and it is difficult to reign in.

DS will generally sit and wait nicely, but he is a 5 year old boy, and a 5 year old boy with probably autism at that so sometimes he can be challenging to say the least!

What annoys me most is that people get so wound up about children's behaviour when they are out but then if a parent dares to give a child an iPad/phone to entertain them (quietly!) then they get judged for that.

I think generally what is needed is a bit of empathy. Most parents aren't going to just ignore a child causing chaos, but you never know the back story to the family where the child is shouting, or trying to dart from the table when backs are turned!

I thought you might say that Golden. So other people's DC are impossible for them to control, then?

If it gets to that point, for whatever reason, parents do have the option to scoop up said child and leave, for reasons of consideration. I did once have to do that when one of mine was two.

I do find this "children have no control panel", "there is nothing to be done" fatalism about the behaviour of children confusing and irritating in equal measure.

It sends a message to said children.

Jacqueline the banging children have got severe SN. And parents who try to stop it by all methods apart from sitting on their hands.

I think a wee bit of a middle ground is needed. People should do their best and others shouldn't expect perfection and should go elsewhere if they want silence.

Would you be happy to do that if your child was 8 or 16 or older?

You are right fanjo a meal out is meant to be fun and social sitting eating your dinner in complete silence sounds dull