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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think these women are just bloody horrible?

122 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:22

DH and I were at an anniversary dinner last night of good friends. It was a smallish do in a lovely restaurant, nice meal etc. We've known them for over 20 years and although we don't live close to each other, see each other several times a year, keep in touch by phone/social media etc. I have met their other friends a few times at parties etc but don't know them well as we live 100 miles away so we don't socialise as a large group or anything.

So we get to the restaurant, all lovely. Except we're made to feel about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit by a couple of the friends. I say hello and get a tight lipped nod back and then i noticed one woman moving the place cards about so that she was sitting next to her buddy. I was perched on the end next to a pillar.

I chat to one woman (who I've never met before but is very nice) then go to the toilet and after a minute or two I hear two of the woman (place card woman and her pal) come in and say 'why the hell did they invite Wilbur she's not in our group and we hardly know her' and my favourite gem 'I don't know what she thinks she looks like in that dress' (actually I know I looked shit because I always look shit but I had tried).

I literally hid in the toilet until they'd gone but I know they'd clocked me coming out and must have known I heard them and there were lots of rolly eyes and smirks. These women are in their 40's, as am l. I'm not usually a mug but I didn't say a word because I didn't want to ruin my friends' anniversary and now I feel so upset. Not because I want them to like me because I don't need people like that but I barely know them, have done nothing to them and they made me feel like shit. I didn't tell DH either or he would have said something. Why do people have to be so fucking horrible, what do they get out of it?

OP posts:

hidingfromthem · 04/05/2015 21:34

it took me years to realise that:
some people are just not nice.
that's all:-
some people are just not nice people.

sorry you have been upset by them.
there isn't a thing in the world you can do about all this.
except try to avoid mingling with them again.
i just feel sorry for their kids.

Charis1 · 04/05/2015 21:39

what horrible people.

just be glad you can turn your back on them and go home at the end of the night and get away from their bullying and spite.

They can't do that, they will always find they have actually come home with themselves, thee is no escape, they cannot get away!

RupertsGirlGroom · 04/05/2015 21:41

I've not got any friends really, but if this is how women behave in friendship groups then frankly...I'm glad. (NAWALT)

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 04/05/2015 21:57

RupertsGirlGroom
I've not got any friends really, but if this is how women behave in friendship groups then frankly...I'm glad

None of the women who are my friends would behave like that or else we wouldn't be friends. Some people are just vile.

dougierose · 04/05/2015 22:22

What hideous people.

As a lot of you have said already, these women were mean girls at school and are now mean women. My DD went through a period of the mean girls bullying her - she changed schools and is now v happy and popular - but in her absence the mean girls have turned on each other, especially the original ring leader.

It doesn't help, though - you still heard their words and they hurt you. I'd be cut to the quick if anyone said anything like that about me out loud (even though I suspect they think it).

FarFromAnyRoad · 04/05/2015 22:32

Today 21:07 Waltermittythesequel

Pair of blue waffled cunts

THAT has made my day. Possibly even my year! Love it!
And they were exactly that

Openup41 · 04/05/2015 23:39

How awful for you. They were spiteful.

Why do women feel it is okay to openly comment on other women's dress sense especially those they know and talk to? I have encountered this at work and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I usually walk away or change the subject.

I was laughed at during my school years for my 'appearance'. Those memories have stayed with me 20 odd years on.

Pancakeflipper · 04/05/2015 23:47

For some reason when in a group large or small, some people turn nasty/petty/gossipy and gain pleasure of feeling fantastic in knocking others down.

You were invited by the host because you and your partner are probably a breath of fresh air to the snipey-smile at your face-slang off your behind brigade.

Hold your head up. You know you are bigger and better than the sad souls who have to slate individuals to boost their scrappy shallow egos.

SallyMcgally · 04/05/2015 23:52

Those women are on a one-way ticket to a very lonely, unloved future. You, on the other hand, sound lovely. Your friend is, I bet, really proud to have someone as decent and thoughtful as you as a friend, which is how you're still friends after twenty years. I'm really sorry they made you cry. They sound beyond vile. Vile, childish, spiteful bitches. I hope they're feeling ashamed of themselves today.
to you.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/05/2015 10:16

Far a standalone cunt just wouldn't have cut it!

Peppapigsbitch · 05/05/2015 10:25

Oh my lord! What a pair of cunts! If I'd have caught them saying about me I would've walked back through to the table, told my DH to grab his coat, grabbed my drink and thrown it over the horrible, bitchy, childish little fuck wits!! "She's not in our group" WTAF?!

Mermaidhair · 05/05/2015 11:07

What they said and how they acted says more about them than you.

Bettercallsaul1 · 05/05/2015 11:15

Totally agree with ribbityribbit that this kind of "excluding" behaviour to a stranger is not about you at all but is designed to bolster and maintain the relationships between the members of the group. It is a bonding mechanism in that, by ostracizing someone outside the group, the members are acting as one, which gives a comforting feeling of safety and "belonging". It also raises their status (in their opinion!) as rejecting others highlights their own acceptance into the group by comparison. For some people to be "in", others - by definition - must be out. Please realise, OP, that any other unknown woman who turned up that night would have been treated in the same manner and don't take it personally. I know it feels like a personal insult but it really isn't - just the automatic and unpleasant reaction of a number of insecure women who lack the confidence to relate to others in an individual, independent manner. Rejoice in the fact that you have no need to be like them!

BitOutOfPractice · 05/05/2015 11:24

Oh wilbur what vile women.

You, on the other hand sound lovely and I'm sure you looked great on Saturday!

If it's any consolation I think it would've made me cry too so don't worry about that

CheesyDibbles · 05/05/2015 11:35

So sorry you had that experience. Some Mean Girls just stay mean all their life. And it doesn't matter how grown-up we get - it still hurts.

Fuck 'em.

aprilnewsocks · 05/05/2015 11:37

Often "behind the scenes" this kind of so-called "group" is seething with aggression, hysteria and insecurity.

You happened to be the target that night just for being there: when they run out of outsiders as "supply" to bitch about, then they turn on each other. Or themselves

I can guarantee that at the moment the woman who bitched about you is probably embroiled in some drama and seething with rage about something else. Or sitting there working herself up into a fit of self-loathing.

biggles50 · 05/05/2015 19:31

I am so sorry Wilbur, in fact I feel so tense and angry on your behalf. I truly think you should tell your friend what happened, as next time she invites you to something you will be an awkward position. They sound vile and I expect you were in shock hence unable to stand up for yourself. Try not to let what happened go around like a loop in your head. Bitches are riddled with insecurity and self loathing that's why they project their hate filled spew on decent people. Hugs to you.

TidyDancer · 05/05/2015 19:43

I agree with the majority sentiment. Some people you meet are cunts. That's it. Which means it's not about you, OP. Their vileness is all about them.

OP I am so sorry you went through that and that it made you feel the way it did. It really isn't fair.

SuperFlyHigh · 05/05/2015 20:04

I've worked with 2-3 women like this for the past 5 years. One of them married a good male friend of my mums and helped to get me a job. At first when I was friendly to them and danced to their tune I was "in" when I tried to distance myself and something went wrong I was person non grata.

It's sad they meet up and bitch not just about me but mutual friends and I now ignore them. As others say they have nothing going on in their sad lives so really you should feel complimented that your life/looks are so important to them for them to bitch about!

Your DH has it spot on. I would say something to your friend but also maybe if you do see them a comment (can't think of one now) wouldn't go amiss.

Now don't let this bother you one more moment!

SuperFlyHigh · 05/05/2015 20:08

Oh and yes they're all about being unhappy with their lot. My colleague used to whinge about Her DHs gifts for her birthday etc and her life..... The gifts included mulberry messenger bag, diamond tennis bracelet etc.

Now her best friend has I think terminal illness (which of course is sad and I commiserate with her) I don't know if this friend was also a major bitch (I think so to me once) but like one says karma eh?

Lambzig · 05/05/2015 20:29

That's horrible. Takes me right back to my girls only boarding school. Please console yourself with the fact that a) you sound lovely and b) they clearly haven't developed beyond the age of insecure 14 year old and you have.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 05/05/2015 21:04

I had similar with friends of a friend. At one party they made comments every time I passed them on my wedges and dress. At a meal they drew me daggers and made comments on my hair and make up. The straw that broke the camels back was at a birthday party in February when comments were made about my weight, the dress I was wearing and my hair again "what hairdresser do you use Meggy and have you been going to the gym as that dress is hanging off you." I smiled and said "does it take a lot of years to learn how to become a cuntess or is it a natural trait?" Then I walked away. What they didn't know was that I'd been really ill and had lost my hair as well as 2 stone in weight. Don't let these bitches upset you Wilbur they're a pair of shallow bitches.

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