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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think these women are just bloody horrible?

122 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:22

DH and I were at an anniversary dinner last night of good friends. It was a smallish do in a lovely restaurant, nice meal etc. We've known them for over 20 years and although we don't live close to each other, see each other several times a year, keep in touch by phone/social media etc. I have met their other friends a few times at parties etc but don't know them well as we live 100 miles away so we don't socialise as a large group or anything.

So we get to the restaurant, all lovely. Except we're made to feel about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit by a couple of the friends. I say hello and get a tight lipped nod back and then i noticed one woman moving the place cards about so that she was sitting next to her buddy. I was perched on the end next to a pillar.

I chat to one woman (who I've never met before but is very nice) then go to the toilet and after a minute or two I hear two of the woman (place card woman and her pal) come in and say 'why the hell did they invite Wilbur she's not in our group and we hardly know her' and my favourite gem 'I don't know what she thinks she looks like in that dress' (actually I know I looked shit because I always look shit but I had tried).

I literally hid in the toilet until they'd gone but I know they'd clocked me coming out and must have known I heard them and there were lots of rolly eyes and smirks. These women are in their 40's, as am l. I'm not usually a mug but I didn't say a word because I didn't want to ruin my friends' anniversary and now I feel so upset. Not because I want them to like me because I don't need people like that but I barely know them, have done nothing to them and they made me feel like shit. I didn't tell DH either or he would have said something. Why do people have to be so fucking horrible, what do they get out of it?

OP posts:
CaptainAnkles · 04/05/2015 10:37

Ask your friend to warn you if those two are going next time there's a party or whatever, and tell her why you have no wish to be around them again.

TheoriginalLEM · 04/05/2015 10:38

Some people are cunts. Twas always thus

Didntseethiscominghelpplease · 04/05/2015 10:39

Ignore them. You sound more real than them. Don't want to out myself but I am aware of a group we used to have to socialise with who actually refer to themselves as "the clique". Gave up trying to even try when we found ourselves in situations with them. Life's to short and cliquey groups are usually insecure around real people.

PunkrockerGirl · 04/05/2015 10:39

They sound grim and I'm sorry the spoilt your evening. Flowers
I bet you looked lovely and at least you don't have the mentality of a 10 year old playground bully.
I wouldn't say anything to the hosts either, but I'd sure as hell be ready for these bitches at any future social occasion!

Tutt · 04/05/2015 10:39

My opinion is that the bitch spouting crap is plain and simple jealous.
This says so much about her and in fact nothing about you, she sounds insecure and awful and is trying to make herself feel better!!
I bet you didn't look bad, in fact I'd say you probably looked good.
I would also tell your friend in a light hearted but serious way 'oh your friends said this'!!
Take no notice of the bitches OP they are obviously insecure with themself and the friendship.

SiobhanSharpe · 04/05/2015 10:41

They sound really jealous of your relationship with your long standing friend, they type of people who can't bear their friends to have other friends, IYSWIM. Very childish. Could you mention it in a jokey way to your friend? ... Just so she knows what they can be like . As in ooh, xx and yy are a bit scary, aren't they, don't think they took to me at all etc etc.

SiobhanSharpe · 04/05/2015 10:42

Cross post!

Lonecatwithkitten · 04/05/2015 10:42

What horrible women. One of things I love about going to these kind of events is meeting people who I know through friends catching up on their news etc.
I suspect their attitude is related to their social inadequacies rather than you.

Pagwatch · 04/05/2015 10:43

Yeah, they are vile.
If you can summon it at all I would try and feel sorry for them.
People who are happy in their own skin don't need to slag others off. And being friends with someone who enjoys slagging people off must be a bitter experience because they must know it gets turned on them when they are not around.

Greydog · 04/05/2015 10:43

Sorry to read that, Wilbur. What miserable twunts. But You should mention it to your friend - ask her if those women are always that nasty, or was it a one once - were they unwell? (suffering from a bout of bitchiness?)

LondonRocks · 04/05/2015 10:43

I'm with FarFrom.

Don't just leave it. Certainly don't be nice if you see them again.

And do tell your friend how upset you were. Why should these people get away with it. And, tell your DH!

Grrr. Bunch of skanky birches.

Original poster
WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:44

Well I'm off to see another friend today with the DCs so I know that'll be a nice day.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I actually cried this morning and now I'm pissed off that I allowed anyone to make me feel like that!

OP posts:
LondonRocks · 04/05/2015 10:45

Bitches, even.

ShootTheMoon · 04/05/2015 10:47

YANBU! What petty, manipulative bitchiness. If it's any consolation they must have been incredibly short of conversation to stoop to that level of playground bitching. What sad little lives they must have.

I'm a confident grown woman and I'd never stand for any of that if my friends said it. But I suspect I'd also freeze if I heard someone say it about me (had a lot of similar as a teenager).

Do tell the friend who invited you what a group of pathetic hurtful people she's associating with!

SycamoreMum · 04/05/2015 10:50

As I would say rather animatedly:

"Them bitches is too grown to be acting out."

I bet you looked lovely OP. Smile

CupidStuntSurvivor · 04/05/2015 10:57

I also wouldn't have been able to keep quiet in this instance, nor do I think keeping quiet did anything positive. They know you heard them and they now know that you won't stick up for yourself. If you continue to keep this quiet, it may well affect your relationship with your friend.

Ideally, I'd say that the solution would be to go back in time and make sure you didn't hide in the toilet but rather came out and announced "we'll go and ask why I'm invited then shall we?" But that's obviously not an option!

I'd have a chat with your friend, let her know what happened and ask that in the future your visits involve just the two couples. Chances are your friend will have some stern words with the pair of nasty twats.

Xenadog · 04/05/2015 11:00

What ugly, vile people they are. I agree with telling your friend and letting her know how hurt you have been. She may be embarrassed and try to negate the situation (it will be difficult for her to hear this) but do be clear you won't attend anything where these cunts are going to be.

Then draw a line under it. Give them no more headspace as they aren't worth it. Now focus on yourself, your life, family and friends. This is what matters not a couple of overgrown playground bullies.

wobblebobblehat · 04/05/2015 11:08

People can be so mean.

I would be very careful which future events I attended in an attempt to avoid them. I also try to look for the positive in every situation now. i think with this one, it's that you are much much nicer person. Just imagine what sad and miserable lives they must lead if this is how they carry on!

I'm sure you looked lovely! Flowers

CSIJanner · 04/05/2015 11:08

The fact you didn't say anything so as to not ruin your friends night speaks more volumes about you than the other two who seemed not to have left the secondary school mentality. I know who I would prefer as a friend.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/05/2015 11:17

Why did she invite Wilbour she's not in our group. That statement actually cAme out of 40 something's mouth. The stupid cow. That's something a 12 year old would say.
you may mot be in their group and would you want to be but you're in your friend's group As they call it.
I'm not going to tell you not to get upset. It does upset you, anyone would be hurt, And Anyone that says they wouldn't are lying. But sadly there's nothing you cN do to chNge these idiotic clique women aside from comfort yourself that you're worth 10 of them.
Also yy to accidentally spilling red on one of them, but then that's the childish side coming out in me .

HamishBamish · 04/05/2015 11:22

That's appalling behaviour! I would love to think I would have come out of my cubicle in the toilets and given them a piece of my mind should it have happened to me, but I know I would have done exactly the same as you.

I'm really sorry this happened OP. It seems that some people never quite manage to graduate from the playground, even in their 40's.

You did exactly the right thing and putting your friends first. You are a very thoughtful and good friend.

LizzieVereker · 04/05/2015 11:55

OMFG I can't believe that women in their 40s would behave like that! You, OP, on the other hand, sound lovely and very dignified. I would much rather have a meal out with you than those idiots. "She's not in our group" - WTAF? The last time I heard that phrase, it was exiting the mouth of a 12 year old.

My boss has a good way of approaching such people. He says "When people try to belittle someone, I think to myself, would I rather be me, or that miserable cunt over there?" In your shoes, OP, I would much rather be you. Thanks.

lionheart · 04/05/2015 12:00

You sound lovely. Those two, on the other hand ... not so much.

Sorry they did that to you. Flowers

The80sweregreat · 04/05/2015 12:13

hi, sorry to read this. I am sure you looked lovely, try to ignore them, don't let them get to you and just be pleased they live a long way from you. Its horrible when people belittle each other. It would take balls to do with Far suggested, but it might make them realise how much they hurt your feelings. I never look nice, given up on dresses and don't go out much because of things like this - don't become like me!! Cant do the flowers tab on here, but some for you anyway.!

rookiemere · 04/05/2015 12:18

They sound absolutely horrible OP. I don't normally approve of people using the C word as a swear, but I think Lizzie's boss has it exactly right:

"When people try to belittle someone, I think to myself, would I rather be me, or that miserable cunt over there?"

Nasty, vile specimens.

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