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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think these women are just bloody horrible?

122 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:22

DH and I were at an anniversary dinner last night of good friends. It was a smallish do in a lovely restaurant, nice meal etc. We've known them for over 20 years and although we don't live close to each other, see each other several times a year, keep in touch by phone/social media etc. I have met their other friends a few times at parties etc but don't know them well as we live 100 miles away so we don't socialise as a large group or anything.

So we get to the restaurant, all lovely. Except we're made to feel about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit by a couple of the friends. I say hello and get a tight lipped nod back and then i noticed one woman moving the place cards about so that she was sitting next to her buddy. I was perched on the end next to a pillar.

I chat to one woman (who I've never met before but is very nice) then go to the toilet and after a minute or two I hear two of the woman (place card woman and her pal) come in and say 'why the hell did they invite Wilbur she's not in our group and we hardly know her' and my favourite gem 'I don't know what she thinks she looks like in that dress' (actually I know I looked shit because I always look shit but I had tried).

I literally hid in the toilet until they'd gone but I know they'd clocked me coming out and must have known I heard them and there were lots of rolly eyes and smirks. These women are in their 40's, as am l. I'm not usually a mug but I didn't say a word because I didn't want to ruin my friends' anniversary and now I feel so upset. Not because I want them to like me because I don't need people like that but I barely know them, have done nothing to them and they made me feel like shit. I didn't tell DH either or he would have said something. Why do people have to be so fucking horrible, what do they get out of it?

OP posts:
Mintyy · 04/05/2015 14:14

They must have known you were in the toilet? Where did they think you were?

TheEggityOddity · 04/05/2015 14:23

If it makes you feel any better, I was in a park the other day with DS amd he went up to a girl about ten years younger than me with long blonde hair in the same style as mine and tried to hold her hand. She thought it was very cute and I explained he had mistaken her for me, or maybe his cousin who also has long hair. She turned to her friend seconds later and gave her a mortified look as if to say "yuck, as if I look anything like that old bag from behind". I also felt hurt at first but then just thought how superficial she was being and how ludicrous. I knew she was slimmer, younger and prettier but it doesn't make her superior to me in any way at all. I know that really, as do you. Some people just can't help but think and say nasty things. Pity them, it poisons their spirit more than anyone else.

MehsMum · 04/05/2015 14:25

Vile people. Just horrible.

Next time, ignore them: nothing annoys the Uber-Bitches more than you not even looking at them. Easier said than done, I know, but it works with SIL Grin

CrabbyTheCrabster · 04/05/2015 16:06

Shock how childish and horrible. Don't give them a second thought.

I can see why you didn't say anything at the time and didn't want to ruin your friends' evening, but make sure that if your friends arrange anything involving them as well as you in future, that you tell them what happened and that you'd prefer not to see them again. That should give your friends pause for thought about what kind of people these wankers are.

Chottie · 04/05/2015 16:50

How horrible and so very unkind.

You are worth so much more than these pathetic women......

VelvetRose · 04/05/2015 16:59

Nasty, vile women!! I agree you just have to be glad you're not like that, what pathetic behaviour. You did very well to avoid confronting them.

drudgetrudy · 04/05/2015 17:10

YANBU -these women are just bloody horrible-be very glad that you are not in their "group".
You are better than them -don't let them get to you for a minute.

kissmethere · 04/05/2015 17:11

They are utter cowbags and I'm sorry they made you feel like that. Iv had this experience and the circle of bitches has dwindled away. They've fallen out with everyone and now pretty much each other and I don't socialise in that circle anymore.
Don't waste a thought on them and rest assured it wasn't just you can they were scathing about.

oldgrandmama · 04/05/2015 17:12

You poor thing. But it's not you, it's them. Ghastly, vile women, horrible inside and outside. I know it's hard, but put it behind you. THEY have a problem, not you, and believe me, it'll come back at them and bite them on their nasty bums one of these days. I've been unfortunate enough to come across women like that during a long life (I'm in my seventies). They do this sort of ghastly stuff to make their pathetic selves feel better ... ultimately, it catches up with them. Karma!

ribbityribbit · 04/05/2015 17:23

I worked with a psychologist in a school once who described this kind of thing as bonding through relational aggression (or something) - essentially being unpleasant to a third party as a way to bond more closely with other people in the group. My observation in schools is that it is often the people who feel least secure about their position in a group who do this sort of thing.

It means that them being horrible to you really is nothing to do with you at all. They are being nasty to you because you happened to be there, but it easily could be someone else getting the brunt of it. They sound like horrible people. Imagine how sour it must be to be like that all the time.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 04/05/2015 19:09

ribbity Thats the best way to look at it. Sad and childish to be behaving like that at 40 years old!

saturnvista · 04/05/2015 19:24

You sound amazing. They sound pathetic. End of. Flowers

HermioneWeasley · 04/05/2015 19:30

As others have said, this reflects on them, not you.

Imagine being in their heads ALL the time. No escape from their twattery. Pity them.

Jumbooats · 04/05/2015 19:49

They sound dead common - in behaviour if not in reality. Is the original friend any great shakes if she numbers them amongst her buddies?

TinCanSally · 04/05/2015 20:11

Flowers That's horrible. What they said says nothing about you and everything about them.

I think you handled it brilliantly and can hold your head up high whereas they ought to be ashamed of themselves. Who in their right mind gets off on bitching and making other people feel bad ffs?!! More Flowers and a glass of Wine and go you!!! Smile

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/05/2015 20:48

When we moved to our village we gradually got to be good friends with a couple who were part of a very entrenched group. They would invite us to their parties and some of their friends would completely ignore us, even though they saw us around quite a bit.

Over the years I have made friends with a few of the women through our DCs, and DH is friends with the alpha Dad of the group via a shared sporting interest, so we are a fairly popular now, perhaps more so than the couple who originally befriended us. But I would always choose them over the people who were so unfriendly and cliquey when we first arrived.

ladygracie · 04/05/2015 20:54

I'm pleased you told your dh as that was what I was coming on to post. Great response from him & he is utterly correct. Their response when they realised that you'd heard them bitching is the worst thing for me - how dare they smirk. Horrible bitches - you are worth a thousand of them.

DianeLockhart · 04/05/2015 20:56

What awful cows.

They obviously are insecure and miserable pathetic specimens behaving like that.

Hold your head high Flowers

londonrach · 04/05/2015 21:00

Those poor woman having to make themshelves feel better by being bitchy to other woman. Makes you wonder what their home life is like. Raise above them op. Theres something missing in their life! Go home with dh op and remember these woman are jealous of you! Remember other people beaviour says more about them than you! Congratulations op on your anniversity. Xx

rosieposey · 04/05/2015 21:04

Wow tinkly - thats just about a mirror image to our story but it makes me so depressed and i feel so unwelcome that we are moving Sad

Waltermittythesequel · 04/05/2015 21:07

Pair of blue waffled cunts.

DowntownFunk · 04/05/2015 21:09

Ugh, I'm glad they're not your friends. Well done for keeping your cool, I don't know if I could.

Part of me hopes they read this, recognise themselves and realise what total bellends they are.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/05/2015 21:18

Some people are just horrid Rosie. Lots of people in our village are lovely, we were just unfortunate to make friends with people who have mean minded, insecure friends. Fortunately in our case, we are only five miles or so from our old house, so still have our old friends.

Timetoask · 04/05/2015 21:24

Horrible (women) teenagers, haven't grown up yet. Absolutely abhorrent behavior specially coming from people who should (by now) have some more life interest to discuss rather than bullying someone, if they have daughters I bet they are the same!

MrsEdinburgh · 04/05/2015 21:32

I'd really like to punch them in the gob!
If newer friends of mine were like this with older friends of mine I would be dismayed.

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