Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think these women are just bloody horrible?

122 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:22

DH and I were at an anniversary dinner last night of good friends. It was a smallish do in a lovely restaurant, nice meal etc. We've known them for over 20 years and although we don't live close to each other, see each other several times a year, keep in touch by phone/social media etc. I have met their other friends a few times at parties etc but don't know them well as we live 100 miles away so we don't socialise as a large group or anything.

So we get to the restaurant, all lovely. Except we're made to feel about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit by a couple of the friends. I say hello and get a tight lipped nod back and then i noticed one woman moving the place cards about so that she was sitting next to her buddy. I was perched on the end next to a pillar.

I chat to one woman (who I've never met before but is very nice) then go to the toilet and after a minute or two I hear two of the woman (place card woman and her pal) come in and say 'why the hell did they invite Wilbur she's not in our group and we hardly know her' and my favourite gem 'I don't know what she thinks she looks like in that dress' (actually I know I looked shit because I always look shit but I had tried).

I literally hid in the toilet until they'd gone but I know they'd clocked me coming out and must have known I heard them and there were lots of rolly eyes and smirks. These women are in their 40's, as am l. I'm not usually a mug but I didn't say a word because I didn't want to ruin my friends' anniversary and now I feel so upset. Not because I want them to like me because I don't need people like that but I barely know them, have done nothing to them and they made me feel like shit. I didn't tell DH either or he would have said something. Why do people have to be so fucking horrible, what do they get out of it?

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 04/05/2015 12:19

Oh Wilbur, I'd have cried too. Horrible people. You enjoy your day with your REAL friends. And fwiw, I bet you didn't look awful at all dolly

MammaTJ · 04/05/2015 12:21

I'm a gobby mare and would have said at the time 'I am not in your group but I am certainly a good friend of the host and hostess'. That should have shut them up. I may have continued with 'I don't wish to spoil the night for the host and hostess, but you seem determined to, I suggest you wind your necks in'.

But, like I said, I am a gobby mare.

Dignified silence is usually the smartest route I am not always smart, so you dealt with it perfectly. They clearly felt threatened by you and needed to piss on a few lampposts to mark their territory, that shows how important you are to the people there that matter.

blushingbooty · 04/05/2015 12:34

Wow, bitches. I would tell your DH and next time give them the ignore if they try to talk to you. They are bullies and it says a lot about the state of their lives and personalties that they need to upset someone else to make themselves happy. I would make it clear if anyone in your group suggest meeting up with them that you would prefer not and find them unpleasant.

Crocodopolis · 04/05/2015 12:34

Wilbur, I'm sorry that you had such a bad evening. FWIW, I always enjoy your posts and would be happy to have you as a friend. Smile

CheapSunglasses · 04/05/2015 12:40

Whenever I hear people behaving the way those two women did, I always feel a bit sorry for them.

I think if you can be that nasty then you're probably not in a very good place. Happy, centred people don't act like that.

Happy, centred people would welcome you into the group and want to get to know all about you.

Scared, frightened, inadequate people behave like those two women did.

I do agree with a PP that you should've said something though. While keeping your dignity of course. I think it would've made you feel better.

elsabelle · 04/05/2015 12:43

There is a group of women like this in my workplace complete with a Regina George style leader. They are all in their late 30s and 40's too. You'd think they'd know better but unfortunately i think some people are just like this, they were probably Mean Girls at school and always will be. Sigh..
Try not to let it bother you OP, you wouldnt want to be friends with such awful people anyway.

ArgyMargy · 04/05/2015 12:44

What goes around, comes around. It would have been hard for Wilbur to have said something without seeming petty or, as she said, spoiling her friends' party.

You rose above it Wilbur; you are (by far) the better person.

CheapSunglasses · 04/05/2015 12:45

Yes, how embarrassing for grown women to be acting like that.

:( and Blush for them.

Babyroobs · 04/05/2015 12:49

Absolutely horrible, I would be upset and fuming. I have had similar issues at work recently with colleauges ganging up in little cliques and being bitchy. these people are just bullies.

Original poster
WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 12:49

Oh you're all so nice you're making me quite tearful!

And Crocodopolis, what a kind post. Flowers (for all of you).

I feel better now, I told DH and he said 'ah but the main difference between you is that they're arseholes and you're not'. He's a man of few words. Grin

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 04/05/2015 12:50

Honestly my 14yo wouldn't act like that. It says more about them than you.

Your friends invited you because they like you a lot, even with the distance they still think enough of you to want to keep in touch. Cherish that and forget about those twats. Sounds like they don't know you that well anyway so try not to take it personally. They probably feel the usual group dynamics are a bit different if there's someone who's not normally part of the group there.

MintJulip · 04/05/2015 12:53

Wilbur its awful behavior who at this age would act like that, it sounds like they are un educated in many things. And I would take great personal pride that you would never ever say such awful things, and behave in an immature manner like this.

I would also tell the host at a later date.

tomatodizzymum · 04/05/2015 12:57

I do think sometimes that some people seem to be almost gleeful about putting someone down. I can't imagine how it makes them feel good.

It's a classic they feel so totally shit about themselves that the only way they can feel good is to make out that everyone else is much worse.

Forget about them, they're 40 and still haven't grown up. There's no hope for them, at least they've got each other because no one else will want them!

PassMeTheFrazzlesPlease · 04/05/2015 13:08

OP, I have a group of old friends who behave in just that way to anyone outside of "the group". I rarely see them anymore because of it, it is horrible to see that kind of behaviour to other people or to hear the way they talk about other women.

I used to know them well when we were young. They are all very attractive, beautifully dressed and appear very confident. Behind that though, they are terribly insecure. About everything. The way they look (lots of 'secret' cosmetic surgery/botox going on now), class, educational achievements, everything about themselves really.

I think they stick to the group and reject outsiders because it makes them feel safe. No-one gets the chance to judge them, they all fawn over each other with compliments, there is no risk involved with getting to know new people or trying new things.

I guessing these women are the same types. The fact that they were bitching about your dress would also suggest to me that you looked pretty good, or they wouldn't have need to talk about it Wink

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 04/05/2015 13:16

Your DH is spot on.

Try not to feel bad. Feel righteous that you are not and never will be them.

AuntyMag10 · 04/05/2015 13:34

Yanbu, it says a lot more about them than you. Vile women!

SquareTheCircle · 04/05/2015 13:42

I know people like this. They only bitch about things they feel threatened by. Hold your head high and be thankful that you are not them!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/05/2015 13:52

I supposed they're more to be pitied really. They still haven't evolved into adults not left the play ground.

Kasey86 · 04/05/2015 14:00

Total bitches.

I wouldn't want to be in their 'group' anyway. You sound like a lovely person so don't let them get to you and I'm sure you looked nice in your outfit :)

Aeroflotgirl · 04/05/2015 14:04

Oh goodness, these women haven't left the playground yet have they. They sound utterly vile, I would have had to say something to them. I would not go out with this group again, life is too short to spend with wasters like that. \yes do tell your dh what they have said, they should be ashamed, not you. Here FlowersWineCake

Aeroflotgirl · 04/05/2015 14:07

They are friends of your friend. I would call your friend up, as she is a good friend, and tell them exactly what these witches said, next time please warn me if they are coming to anything.

Northernlurker · 04/05/2015 14:10

Your dh is a wise man.

Bursarymum · 04/05/2015 14:10

YANBU - really nasty people. I'm sorry you had to put up with them.

CrystalHaze · 04/05/2015 14:12

I'd tell your friend - if any of my friends had treated another if my friends like that I'd be livid.

I'd also toy with the idea of putting it on FB and tagging others who were there too, so everyone can see what nasty spiteful bitches they are - but then I'd probably chicken out of doing it.

zara020 · 04/05/2015 14:14

I bet you didnt look shit at all. what a hideous set of people. bet you're glad you dont have to see them too often. you were there because your friends wanted you to be.

Swipe left for the next trending thread