to say don't get pregnant if you are going to be disappointed re. gender?

[Mintyy]

I'm not am I?

depends on the level of your disappointment. I was disappointed, but I wouldn't change my baby for anything.

Depends on the level of your disappointment. I was a bit disappointed, but I love my baby and totally wouldn't want him different.

Agree with both PPs - can you provide a bit of context for your sweeping statement?

That's a bit harsh. It is possible to get over disappointment and move on very happily. It's only if you can't do that that it could be a problem.

Shall we not do anything in life then, in case we are disappointed?

I think its just awful if the first impression a child leaves on the world is disappointment.

Because no-one ever gets pregnant accidentally! I am still a little bit disappointed that ds2 was a boy. Doesn't mean I love him any less than the others. So shoot me!

In what context?

I was mildly surprised when finding out with #2 that I had a pang of disappointment and on considering, it's not that I don't want a second boy (I'm excited about the idea) but I'd always subconsciously assumed that is raise a daughter one day, and that will no longer be the case. It's been an interesting and unexpected experience and forced ME to challenge some of my assumptions.

But yes - had anything in particular elicited this, or is it a cereal used random Sunday night rant?

No, no, of course you shouldn't hold back from doing things in life in case you might be disappointed! That would be really daft and no one would get anything done in that case.

However, bringing a whole new person into the world is a rather huge thing. A bit different to opting for the wrong gcse or taking the wrong job or even marrying the wrong person.

But are you talking about a parent suddenly discovering they had a sex preference (not gender) of which they were previously unaware at the scan, and having a brief moment of sadness, or spending the first month of the baby's life weeping and gnashing their teeth?

I'll freely admit I was a little disappointed with having a third boy, but it wasn't really that I didn't want a third boy but more that it was going to be my final baby and so i had to come to terms with never having a girl.

I think many parents feel a pang of disapointment on discovering sex is not what they'd imagined. Reading threads on here though it's normally short lived.

it's sex, not gender.

sex is boy/girl, gender is masculine/feminine (or more accurately, perceptions of behaviours associated with each sex - it's al ot more complicated than that, but it's not something that can be determined from birth)

maybe that's why people are disappointed, because they know they're heading for a life time of "he can't wear that it's a girl's colour" or "she can't do that , that's a boy game!"
rather than people just allowing children to play or wear or be what they want to.

I do know what you mean, Mintyy, and I have to admit, I am desperate for a girl, because I had a girl. I want to have another to replace the one I lost which is bonkers I know.

But ... As PP have said, I'd still love a boy, dote on him, kiss him, cuddle him, take millions of photos of him, adore him, be proud of him ...

I just would grieve the daughter I didn't have, or keep.

Tell that to my DGM who had:

boy
boy
boy
boy
boy
boy
boy
boy
girl

In the days before scans.

I know where your coming from OP. I see so many 'disappointed I'm having a boy' threads on here that I have to restrain myself from posting on because they make me so cross!

I was quite upset when I discovered (at second scan) that DS2 was a boy because DS1 was such a little git from about 18 months onwards! I had it in my head that if I had a girl (having already had DD prior to DS1) that she would be placid and happy like DD.

Doesn't mean I would change DS2 now for the world. I can't imagine him being any different. Oh, and he wasn't planned. Does that make a difference?

Of course people get pregnant accidentally.

It's funny because my disappointment is kind of divorced from my boys iyswim. I want them, but also pine for the girls they might have been. I don't pine for dd's outbreak potential boy self in the same way.

Don't be ridiculous. Of course people can and will be disappointed. They generally do, after a while, love the baby completely anyway.

Sometimes gender disappointment is a manifestation of pre/post natal depression, and people should be able to express that.

Telling them 'oh, some people would kill for the child you have' is not helpful.

In my case, child 3 being a girl totally buggered up our bedroom allocations. It would have been much easier had she been a boy, but we're hardly going to hold it against her .

Many people have issues from their pasts which will affect how they view children of a particular sex, at least until they might come to be able to love them as their own child (if they are lucky and supported).

People are complex, and easily scarred. Judging them without at least trying to understand is a horrible thing to do.

Oh sorry Nickel. I can never remember what the correct term is!

No idea where the word outbreak came from there. Thanks predictive text.