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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just go out and leave DH to do childcare each time he does this at weekends?

42 replies

UnpushyMother · 03/05/2015 21:16

DH has a habit of just tuning out of everything at weekends, sitting there with a film on or sport on or playing on his phone and being in his own world. He ignores the DCs if they ask him for anything, does nothing at all, and just does his own thing. If I talk to him he's so absorbed in whatever he's watching/doing it takes 3 or 4 times of me talking to him for him to reply.

I spoke to him last weekend and warned him that in future every time he does this and just checks out of family life I will be going out and leaving him to childcare.

Yesterday he did it again, and so I went out for several hours on my own and left him to it.

Today he has been a bit better, although has put a film on tonight and is again absorbed in it and won't communicate with anyone (and wants everyone to be quiet, lights off etc whilst he watches it) so I've told him he can sort the kids out and have come upstairs with the laptop and to watch TV.

AIBU to just keep going out every time he does this?

OP posts:
ImNameyChangey · 03/05/2015 21:18

I think yabu because he's probably just ignoring the dc anyway. :(

I think you should make him come out with you and the DC as a family...even just to the park or swimming for a couple of hours. Then he can zone out maybe. I would not have left him downstairs insisting on lights out either...that's just not fair on the children.

Original poster
UnpushyMother · 03/05/2015 21:19

Why should he be able to zone out and I can't?

If he comes out with us he's moody and doesn't join in

OP posts:
ImNameyChangey · 03/05/2015 21:21

Well you've got children...it's the weekend! It's their weekend too...if he's moody on days out too then you've got a BIG problem with your family imo and need to change things asap...HE needs to change...he's being MASSIVELY unfair...what I'm trying to say is that you just giving up and going off to do something with him ignoring the children is not right...you need to make something happen...HE needs to.

MummyLuce · 03/05/2015 21:21

Yanbu as it's really not fair on the children? It's their weekend and they want to have fun so leaving them with a reluctant and unwilling zombie daddy isn't very nice. Just do your thing with your DCs and have a nice time. He's the one missing out

MummyLuce · 03/05/2015 21:21

Sorry I meant yabu

ImperialBlether · 03/05/2015 21:22

Ask him what he's for.

He's neither use nor ornament, is he?

He's not being a good dad. He's not being a good husband. He's not being a good friend to anyone. He's just sitting there like a big lummox that's plugged in to the mains. Pointless.

Then leave details of one bedroomed flats in run down areas open on your laptop along with another tab for CSA. Then ask him to check your laptop for something - anything - and watch his reaction.

Original poster
UnpushyMother · 03/05/2015 21:22

I do take them out and we do our own thing but I am afraid I am at the end of my tether.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnpushyMother · 03/05/2015 21:23

He's watched 3 films this weekend.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 03/05/2015 21:24

YANBU and I couldn't be with a man like this.
I would be worried he didn't want a family life at all.
Tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable, he is a father and needs to put his family first.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 03/05/2015 21:24

When you've been checking out and leaving him to it, is he actually looking after the DC or continuing to zone out and ignore them?

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2015 21:24

How old are the kids?

I can see why you would want to do this and why you'r at the end of your tether, but I'm not sure this is the answer as it makes for a pretty unhappy family.

Not sure what the answer is though if he doesn't enjoy his kids Sad

pudcat · 03/05/2015 21:25

Do things with your children but ignore your husband. Cook for you and children but not him, don't do his washing etc. Until he is willing to be part of the family properly treat him as he is treating you.

Original poster
UnpushyMother · 03/05/2015 21:25

When I got home yesterday he'd done dinner for them, which is more than he's done for a long time,

OP posts:
Charis1 · 03/05/2015 21:26

he doesn't sound like he is a participant in family life at all.

hasn't he understood that you don't get weekends off from parenting?

I'm not surprised you are at the end of your tether. I would be too. I'm a single Mum, so I don't have to put up with this sort of dead weight in my family. Thank goodness.

MummyLuce · 03/05/2015 21:26

Why should he be able to zone out and I can't?

Why do you want to zone out?? It's the weekend - have fun with the DCs and do some fun stuff!

BathtimeFunkster · 03/05/2015 21:26

Why not ask him to find somewhere to live by himself since living with his family is clearly so unpleasant for him?

AGirlCalledBoB · 03/05/2015 21:26

It depends, what is going on with your kids while you are leaving him out. If he is just zoning out and ignoring them and you have just left them to it, I think that is unfair on the kids and is not a pleasant weekend for them.
If it is genuienly forcing him to do things for the kids, I can understand more but only if it does make him change.
Could you arrange a time each weekend when you both have down time?

Original poster
UnpushyMother · 03/05/2015 21:27

I don't particularly want to but someone else suggested upthread that I make him come on family days out then let him zone out! Which I didn't think was fair as obviously kids still need things doing for them when you get home after a day out!

OP posts:
NotReallyAPrincess · 03/05/2015 21:27

Agree with ImperialBlether. What a waste of space he sounds OP.

What do you think would happen if you tried to talk to him about it? As in, what you want to change? Because I think whilst turning the tables on him is proving a good point, it's also unfair on you and the DC if he continues to be crap.

ImNameyChangey · 03/05/2015 21:27

Making them dinner is the BARE necessity....he needs to be taking them swimming or to clubs etc!

Original poster
UnpushyMother · 03/05/2015 21:28

He won't!!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/05/2015 21:31

How old are the kids?

KindergartenKop · 03/05/2015 21:32

Ltb

Original poster
UnpushyMother · 03/05/2015 21:32

6 and 10

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 03/05/2015 21:32

How old are the dc?

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