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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be gopping mad at this woman who posted my DCs party invite on social media!?

526 replies

VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 14:02

I made some daft invites to look like magazine covers for DCs upcoming birthday to use up a load of old photo paper.

I found it odd that I was getting text message acceptances and requests to bring siblings from mothers of children I had never heard of- when quizzed the same name came up and a mention of a Social Networking site.

It turns out one of the mother's of a child in Dc's class took a photo of the invite (which had date/time/venue)on her wall and posted it on FB under an event (wtf?)

I've hired the venue out privately and am panicking the party will be ruined, we will end up in the local paper because 200 kids turn up wanted to be entertained and fed.

I asked the mother directly and she denied it and I have no proof (screen shot etc) although I am STILL getting texts

DC will be heartbroken if I cancel I just do not know what to do for the best. The last thing I'd want it having to stand by the venue door for 3 hours instead of joining in a celebrating a birthday- It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact my child will be 7 but this is the first time we've ever held a party.

Any advice on how to handle would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 03/05/2015 20:48

I agree. you must tell her to tell them all because they cannot turn up - they won't be let in and their children will be upset.

TheWitTank · 03/05/2015 20:51

I wouldn't be able to hold back from texting her and letting her know you have rumbled her original plan and that her friends have filled you in. What a complete twat. I'm sure her friends all think so too! To be honest, I don't think you will have loads of people turning up now thankfully. Sounds like she has just invited her pals who will all know now that it's a 'mistake'. Bet she is mortified. I hope so anyway!

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 20:52

Various I've done nothing wrong- I was discreet when I handed out the party invites to the children's PARENTS, the invites had their child's name on the envelope and I verbally explained I was handing them out so as not to upset any children not attending.

How is that confusing? The only thing omitted from the invite was mention of a birthday age.

OP posts:
Ceic · 03/05/2015 20:54

What a cheek.

At least you now know that there is a limit to the number of people she's invited and why you couldn't see "her" event on FB. It looks like she limited it to her guest list only. Hopefully, that will make it easier to prevent non-invited people getting in.

Ceic · 03/05/2015 20:55

Sorry - x-post with OP

YouTheCat · 03/05/2015 20:55

I wouldn't text her further.

Let the venue know but tbh, as her ds is no longer coming, it sounds like the others won't be turning up anyway because they'll be at her dc's picnic (poor kid).

Then let everyone else know what a grabby cow she is. She has committed social suicide as far as other school parents will be concerned.

StarvingBookworm · 03/05/2015 20:55

But you've said your DC's name wasn't on there (which TBH I'd find a bit odd as a parent receiving, but maybe that's just me) so the photograph of the invite would have looked more general.

This does not excuse any of her completely unacceptable behaviour, of course.

Plateofcrumbs · 03/05/2015 20:55

I would be a bit worried that the venue might panic and pull out if they think they're going to have to police a load of gatecrashers. Whilst I think you DO need to tell them and not totally minimise it, equally I would try not to be over dramatic either.

If you started talking to them about informing the police I think they are going to lose your booking.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/05/2015 20:56

Variousrandomthings - the OP told the mum it was an invitation to her child's birthday party when she handed her the invitation - I can't see how she could have made it any more clear that it was an invitation to a private party not to a public event.

I know why you are saying that - it is easier to believe that someone could make a mistake than to comprehend why someone would be so rude and entitled as to invite a load of kids to someone else's party - but it seems pretty clear that that's what has happened

NotYouNaanBread · 03/05/2015 20:58

All the entertainment/shock aside, isn't the phrase "gopping mad" just fantastic?

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 21:01

Starving- no my child's name was not on the invite BUT a photograph of them doing the sporting activity was on the invite- which was mocked up like a magazine, if that makes sense.

I feel like I've said way too much but am holding back somewhat as I'm getting paranoid I'll be outed.

OP posts:
MerynFuckingTrant · 03/05/2015 21:03

The only non twatty explanation I can think of is that she misunderstood the invite and thought it was a public event. I suppose if it didn't look like a typical party invitation then this is possible.

However due to her threats to contact police etc she does sound rather odd. Perhaps she's just really embarrassed that she misunderstood??

If I were you I'd go ahead with the party as if the fb people meeting her first at a park then it's now unlikely any of them will turn up at your DC party because I presume this woman will tell them they aren't going to your venue anymore.

I hope the party goes as planned and you and your DC have a lovely day.

Stealthsquiggle · 03/05/2015 21:04

Hmm. It seems that a list on the door, and a notice / note to hand to any parents whose DC are not on the list to explain may be the way to go.

That said, if she was planning to take 30 DC to your party as the grand finale of hers, then isn't that going to be a little tricky if her DC is now no longer coming Confused ?

SouthWestmom · 03/05/2015 21:06

You handed out forty invitations at pick up and issued clear verbal instructions? BS.
This woman being vilified has clearly thought its some flier from school that would go well with her picnic.

DinosaursRoar · 03/05/2015 21:06

I would call the venue and explain that there's a very cheeky mother at your DCs school who's having another party before hand in the park and seems to have decided she would then invite everyone at that party to join yours without checking with you first. As you have found out about it, you've made it clear that's not acceptable and that they will be turned away. You think the other mother will just deal with her guests and they won't come along, but there's a chance one or two will miss the park part and come straight to your venue thinking it's part of the same thing, so could they check the name list and only let in the children you invited?

That should mean that they don't panic enough to cancel your event, but will be vigilent.

I would particularly worry if the weather is bad then her friends might just miss the park bit and come along to your party. (if they go to the park still thinking the follow on event, I'm sure they'll be told by others at that event that it's not happening)

HazleNutt · 03/05/2015 21:08

could she have misunderstood and thought it was open to public? I simply can't imagine anybody being so cheeky otherwise.

VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 21:09

This reply has been deleted

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Ceic · 03/05/2015 21:11

I think that DinosaurRoar's suggestion is the thing to do now.

HermioneWeasley · 03/05/2015 21:11

How did she think you wouldn't notice?!!

5madthings · 03/05/2015 21:12

Omg cheeky woman.

I don't think there is anything unusual in just putting the kids name on the envelope, I have done that for invites then inside it's a standard invite that I have printed up with tine and place and rsvp.

Even if it is a mix up the other mum knows it isn't now so she apologises and tells those she has invited that it was a mix up... Not threaten op with the police.

SouthWestmom · 03/05/2015 21:13

Oh so sorry.
Op she's a total cow and deliberately ruining your party

DisappointedOne · 03/05/2015 21:21

Didn't you say that the venue doesn't usually offer birthday parties? The invite does sound very odd so I can sort of see where some of the confusion might have come from.

DinosaursRoar · 03/05/2015 21:22

I also don't think it's hard to think you could hand out 40 invites directly to a parent saying "this is an invite to [insert DC name]'s party, hope [their dc] can make it." but there's also a chance that however clearly you stated it, the parent could have just shoved it in the book bag and then not looked at it for a few days.

She is clearly either disorganised and didn't read it properly, then got arsey as a defense mechanism when she realised she'd screwed up, or a massive piss taker, who got arsey as a way of trying to deflect from her piss taking once she realised she'd been rumbled early. The effect on the OP is the same really - although if it was the former, she might be more likely to calm down and apologise when she realises what she's done properly, or if someone else says "you did what?" at her...

MarjoryStewartBaxter · 03/05/2015 21:23

could she have misunderstood and thought it was open to public?

OP, you said in an earlier post that it was very rare for the venue you've hired to hire it out for exclusive use. It's possible she thought there was a public event going on which you'd decided to hold DS's party at (although still completely out of order sticking your invite with contact details on facebook).

blushingbooty · 03/05/2015 21:30

Talk to the venue OP. What did he other unknown mum say when you told her it was a private party?