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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be gopping mad at this woman who posted my DCs party invite on social media!?

526 replies

VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 14:02

I made some daft invites to look like magazine covers for DCs upcoming birthday to use up a load of old photo paper.

I found it odd that I was getting text message acceptances and requests to bring siblings from mothers of children I had never heard of- when quizzed the same name came up and a mention of a Social Networking site.

It turns out one of the mother's of a child in Dc's class took a photo of the invite (which had date/time/venue)on her wall and posted it on FB under an event (wtf?)

I've hired the venue out privately and am panicking the party will be ruined, we will end up in the local paper because 200 kids turn up wanted to be entertained and fed.

I asked the mother directly and she denied it and I have no proof (screen shot etc) although I am STILL getting texts

DC will be heartbroken if I cancel I just do not know what to do for the best. The last thing I'd want it having to stand by the venue door for 3 hours instead of joining in a celebrating a birthday- It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact my child will be 7 but this is the first time we've ever held a party.

Any advice on how to handle would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
SoldierBear · 04/05/2015 08:07

She's a cheeky mare who thought she could get a great freebie for her son's party and never thought she'd be caught out. hence her antagonistic attitude.
I'd be texting all those who you actually DID invite to explain what has happened and that the party is still on for their DC, just in case of any possible misunderstandings and also to cut off any possible attempts by her to make you look bad.

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 04/05/2015 08:32

Thanks soldierbear- will let real invitees know next week sharpish, it's only the school ones I'm concerned about.

OP posts:
NynaevesSister · 04/05/2015 09:02

Oh wow can't believe some of the responses. Now that you have had more clarity, it sounds like you've handled it by texting back all those who responded, and with a little mention to the invitees at the school you'll be OK. Especially as those on the FB group will be attending the park party first - I can't imagine that you'll get any gate crushers.

I would take the high ground and allow the other woman a bit of face saving by saying to those parents that there had been a mis understanding perhaps due to the use of your child's photo instead of name, so you just want to clarify etc.

Completely irrelevant but. Am a little jealous of the FB woman though - she got 11 RSVPs without having to chase? I never get that!

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 04/05/2015 09:21

Nynaeve- my friends/family who are very well versed on party hosting said exactly that and told me I'd have to double and triple check with parents. I heard back from all but one parent within two days!!

OP posts:
Koalafications · 04/05/2015 09:24

OP, you haven't done anything wrong. This woman is behaving outrageously.

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 04/05/2015 09:47

Wow OP this is crazy,I would be stressed to the hills if I was running this!You sound fit for this crazy lady though,good on you!

Dowser · 04/05/2015 09:59

I think I'd be telling her that if my child's party is ruined/ cancelled I will be taking her to the small claims court to obtain damages.

What a horrible, horrible thing to do

Icimoi · 04/05/2015 10:12

I'd have thought it's worth an incredibly polite email along the lines of:

Dear FacebookMum

I'm sorry that there seems to have been a misunderstanding about DS' party and I expect you've sorted it out by now, but I'd be really grateful if you would confirm. As you know, the event I invited your DC to was my son's party which is a private event, and if the format of the invitation caused confusion I can only apologise. I am however concerned because I have had 11 responses from people I don't know who have told me that they saw the invitation on your Facebook page, and X told me that she had been invited initially to your DC's birthday party and picnic and then to X venue for DS' party.

As I say, I am sure this is just a misunderstanding and I have of course explained the situation to those who have contacted me. However, I am worried that there may still be a number of children who arrive at X venue expecting to come in who will be disappointed. Would you mind just confirming that you have posted something on your Facebook explaining that this wasn't a general invitation, and that in particular children invited to your DC's party know that my DS' party isn't part of the event?

Vodka

I know that gives MadFacebookMum much more credit than she probably deserves, but it gives her a way of saving face and, even if she doesn't reply, with any luck it minimises the chances of randoms turning up at your party, OP.

MissDuke · 04/05/2015 10:20

I still cannot believe it would be deliberate - I just cannot accept anyone would do that!!! However, either way, she is in the wrong for not rectifying things now, whether it was deliberate or not. Op I am sorry you have had this extra stress, parties are stressful enough without this.

I am sure you have learnt from this already, but we once made the mistake of writing names on envelopes as dd kept changing her mind right up to the last minute who was to be invited, and I need to get them written. Two fell into the wrong hands, meaning that two children who we hadn't invited, didn't get their invite. Parents didn't realise as by the time they saw it, the envelope was long gone. I was really annoyed, but not after reading this thread, suddenly it doesn't seem a big deal anymore!

CSIJanner · 04/05/2015 10:35

Brass neck and rabbit in headlights look - sorry for the streets OP but this is actually MN gold.

Hope the day all goes well and that you don't get invaded

EduCated · 04/05/2015 10:36

I'm coming down on the side of a misunderstanding, and can see how it could occur if she was a bit daft about it/not paying attention.

I do also think she possibly thought you were calling her out on inviting her child's friends along to (what she thought was) a public event, albeit cheekily at the same time as your DC's party and was a combination of embarrassed at being called out and indignant at thinking you'd no right to stop her.

Any other alternative is to Shock Confused Angry

EduCated · 04/05/2015 10:37

And even in my scenario, she should be speaking to you to sort it out. Not threatening the police!

Sceptimum · 04/05/2015 10:50

I can see how it might have happened and not be a brassneck but just forgetfulness.

If she just grabbed and put the invite in her bag and wasn't really paying attention, and came to it later she might have forgotten what it was and thought it was a flyer she or her child picked up for a great event. She could have thought some of her friends might be interested too and posted on FB for them.

Doesn't excuse her being an arse about it though.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/05/2015 13:52

It came in an envelope with her child's name on it, though.

ChasedByBees · 04/05/2015 15:04

Oh I really wish I had seen the deleted post from OP. anyway, I think you have sorted it out although I wouldn't have been able to resist responding to the text accusing you of harassment. How can asking her to sort out a problem she has created possibly be harassment?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/05/2015 15:19

It wasn't much, the OP's deletiong, just her telling a sceptical poster to do one, really.

I find it fascinating how some people are utterly convinced that this has to be a misunderstanding - why? Do you not believe there are people this brass-necked out there? Why not?
I suspect you don't believe that anyone would steal a child's toy either?

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 04/05/2015 15:50

Gosh that was deleted? I was a bit miffed the other poster called me a bullshitter so I told her to fuck off not before explaining in quite some detail who was invited to the party, what the seating arrangements were and the flavour of the amuse Bouche was
Wink

OP posts:
Gralick · 04/05/2015 16:37

If she was presuming the extras she had invited were going to a public event there would be no need for them to phone the OP or the venue, they would just be able to turn up on the day.

Yep, this, and what Thumb said on similar lines - crazy woman posted a party invitation on her FB, as if it were her DS's own party. It said RSVP. She cannot possibly have mistaken it for a public flyer, she quite baldly appropriated OP's party for herself!

It's spectacular, no doubt about it Shock

CaspoFungin · 04/05/2015 19:00

I think it was a misunderstanding and she thought it was a flyer, she probably didn't recognise your child on the picture and thought it was a model on the flyer.

Or maybe she thought it was one of those things you know you read about in the paper how some kid had no-one coming to their party and they're all sad so they make the party public!

NynaevesSister · 04/05/2015 19:16

So the OP hands her the envelope personally, with the other parent's child's name on it, and specifically says that it is a birthday party for OP's child, and she manages to misunderstand?

OK that's possible. In an outside chance kind of way.

But to then not say anything like oops sorry I misunderstood to the OP?

And to tell her that if the OP tells any of the uninvited to go back to the person who posted it on FB that she will call the police on her for harrassment? That's a step beyond a misunderstanding.

FryOneFatManic · 04/05/2015 19:25

I've come across someone in RL who tried to jump onto someone else's party in a similar way, so I do believe the OP.

Some people really are that brazen, and what they rely on is the usual thing of people not wanting to kick up a fuss.

Vycount · 04/05/2015 19:27

There was no misunderstanding here. If the woman had really misunderstood and thought that it was a public event her response when contacted by Op would have been completely different. She'd have apologised and done everything she could to sort it out, not blocked Op from her FB page.
I can't believe some posters are pretty much blaming Op for this.

MissDuke · 04/05/2015 19:35

I just cannot see how the other mum would have seen it pan out - obviously she knows op would have noticed these extra children on the day and would then have had to explain herself in front of everyone - how embarrassing would that be? It doesn't make sense. Of course these (not)invited guests would have found it odd that it was clearly a party for op's ds, it couldn't have had an outcome that wouldn't have caused huge embarrassment for the other mum. Why would she do it?

trixymalixy · 04/05/2015 19:43

How very odd. What was she thinking?!

NynaevesSister · 04/05/2015 20:32

Can't wait for updates on this. I am wondering if the Other Mother has previous form for similar.