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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my son to take up boxing?

81 replies

VivienScott · 01/05/2015 15:45

My son is 9.

My ex wants him to have boxing lessons as soon as he is able to. I have said I am totally against it and under no circumstances would I allow him to go. I hate boxing, I've studied and volunteered with people with traumatic brain injurry, many of whom were ex-boxers. I know he damage it can do regardless of the safety equiptment used, I think it perpetuates and normalises violence and basically I just don't like it and certainly don't want my child doing it. My ex has said he doesn't care and will take him regardless. My son seems to be undecided which I think is down to him knowing how passionately we both feel about our oppsing views and trying to appease both of us.

AIBU to not want him to do boxing and is there anything I can do about it?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/05/2015 15:50

I think martial arts are great for kids. They teach discipline, are great for fitness and build confidence. No one is going to be immediately punching other people in the face.

I agree about boxing and brain injuries but that tends to be heavyweights, tends to be full-contact and he won't be anything to do with either for years, even if he sticks with it.

Jessica2point0 · 01/05/2015 15:55

I can see both sides. I don't like watching the sport, and it makes me uncomfortable. But DP used to box and reckons the self-confidence and discipline he learned there helped him to walk away from street thugs rather than getting into fights on more than one occasion.

shewept · 01/05/2015 15:57

Would it be actual boxing or sparring?

I doing boxing for cardio workouts, but sparring. Never been hit in the head.

What does your ds think?

Mrsjayy · 01/05/2015 15:59

I would hate for my child topunch somebody about the face boxing scares me iknow amateurs have safety gear blah de blah i still wouldnt like it I dont knowwhat iwould say to an ex who was insisting though yanbu.

shewept · 01/05/2015 16:00

Sorry I saw he was undecided.

In that case it's a no until he decides. At the point show him all the information about damage it can do. Or show him now it may help him decide he doesn't want to.

If its just sparring then I would let him.

AuntieStella · 01/05/2015 16:00

Why does he want to do it?

Could he be diverted into a different martial art?

Mrsjayy · 01/05/2015 16:01

You could let him try and see if he likes it what about dropping hints about martial arts

HorraceTheOtter · 01/05/2015 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquareStarfish · 01/05/2015 16:09

I genuinely don't understand how boxing is even legal. It's just assault with consent.

I think you'd need to be a moron to want to be involved in boxing and the thought of watching my child box makes me feel sick.

People will disagree but if I was you OP I would be trying to educate my child as to why it's not a good idea and persuade them since you said they are undecided.

Mrsjayy · 01/05/2015 16:20

I dont understand howits a sport I really don't get it

Droflove · 01/05/2015 16:32

Boxing is an excellent sport for children to learn discipline, confidence and self defence. Its very misunderstood. I think you don't understand the sport in the context of children. Try to be open minded. Your son will never be put in a position that would endanger him. The safest people I know are boxers because they know they can protect themselves but will do everything in their power to avoid a situation where they need to use their force.

Stringmeupscotty · 01/05/2015 16:41

I used to box. Not sparring or fitness classes but proper boxing.

I loved it. I had many many black eyes and broken noses but I was in amazing shape, super fit and felt so confident in myself. I was also able to hospitalise a man who tried to rape me once.

If I had a boy, I would love him to take up boxing.
Aside from the confidence, fitness and ability to defend youself, it's fucking lucrative if you can make it.
Floyd Mayweather has made half a billion dollars by the age of 38. He'll be about $150million richer at the end of this weekend.

Lavenderice · 01/05/2015 16:47

Having worked in schools the problem with kids who have studied any type of boxing or martial arts is that IF they get into a fight in or out of school they are likely to do more damage to the other kid having been trained for it. We did have a kid who got into a school-yard fight and even though he didn't start it he caused lasting damage to the other kid.

uglyswan · 01/05/2015 16:50

Seconding Droflove's excellent post. I have had incredibly positive experiences with boxing and community work with children (boys and girls) and young people at risk of violence/gangs etc. Visit a couple of clubs, speak to the trainers and watch a couple of training sessions if you're worried. Your DS will not be fighting or even sparring until his trainers are absolutely 100% sure of his ability to defend himself.
But this probably involves a back story with you and your ex, right?

BigChocFrenzy · 01/05/2015 16:50

Essential to find out if it is just contact boxing: cardio training, hitting a punchbag or the partner's gloves.

I box and it is the most superb fitness and strength training, but absolutely no punching an opponent. Lots of rope skipping, strength building, abs as well as punching. So, no more likely to get injured than in Zumba or pump. Much less risky than rugby or football

BigChocFrenzy · 01/05/2015 16:52

If it is contact boxing, then offer judo instead, if you are worried

Blistory · 01/05/2015 16:53

I don't understand why anyone would want to encourage or train a child to inflict physical pain on another.

I understand the argument about technique and fitness but these can be obtained from many other sports.

Anyone who encourages someone to inflict pain or damage on another human being is dated in their view and incapable of seeing what effect violence has on society. Call it sport if you like but it's just violence in a supposedly controlled environment. It does more than potentially harm the parties involved, it gives a message that punching someone is okay and to be feted.

seekingthesun · 01/05/2015 16:59

You might want to have a look at the differences between amateur and pro boxing. Amateurs win on the number of clean punches they land, not on how hard they hit their opponent in the face. I personally think learning boxing is fab and great for self-discipline, but if you're really worrying about it, maybe look for a martial art with less contact.

Mitzi50 · 01/05/2015 17:03

DS always wanted to box but I wouldn't let him until he was 17 (when I couldn't really say no). IMO it's a horrible sport and some of the venues are really seedy. I don't understand why anyone would want to get punched or punch someone else.

DS loves it, however, and is super fit as a result of all the training. It has given him more self confidence physically.

OP - if your son is undecided, I would say you should tell him to wait til he's older.

Hakluyt · 01/05/2015 17:09

What is this thing about martial arts and "self discipline"? Teach them how to really hurt someone and then teach them how to restrain themselves? Hmm

Jessica2point0 · 01/05/2015 17:15

hak, you have to teach them the self discipline first. If they start sparring without that they're likely to get really hurt. And because they are teaching you how to hurt someone, they have super strict rules on using your skills outside the controlled environment of the club.

Blistory · 01/05/2015 17:17

because they are teaching you how to hurt someone

I don't want to live in a society where that is ever considered an acceptable thing to teach a child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/05/2015 17:18

Hakluyt I don't think it's as simple as that. When I did kickboxing, we were expected to respect the space, the teachers and each other WELL before I could have 'really hurt' someone. We were repeatedly told never to use skills outside the space unless life or limb was threatened. We were expected to behave in an exemplary fashion (just look at some footballers for the opposite).

I also chose not to advance up the belts because I enjoyed the sport and sparring but didn't want to do full contact or have anything to do with hitting people in the head. Sparring really is a way of competing against someone directly. Trying to imagine where they will go next, being quick and strong.

I really hate heavyweight boxing, can't stand the actual hurting and damaging people. However, that is only a tiny part of what martial arts are about.

Cheer-leading is massively more dangerous BTW.

Hakluyt · 01/05/2015 17:26

we were expected to respect the space, the teachers and each other"

That applies to any sport. Or lots of other activities- dance or drama for instance. I loathe the pseudo-philosophical bullshit that surrounds so many martial arts.

SevenAteNine · 01/05/2015 17:33

Many boys have a kinesthetic nature. They want to try things out, and they will naturally play rough.

Far better they play rough in a safe environment with consenting partners. If he's keen, let him go. He'll be fine. There is a risk in anything, but all things being equal he's much less likely to be hurt while boxing than he would be riding a bike.

Of course, if he wants to take up chess instead, best get practicing. Smile