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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my son to take up boxing?

81 replies

VivienScott · 01/05/2015 15:45

My son is 9.

My ex wants him to have boxing lessons as soon as he is able to. I have said I am totally against it and under no circumstances would I allow him to go. I hate boxing, I've studied and volunteered with people with traumatic brain injurry, many of whom were ex-boxers. I know he damage it can do regardless of the safety equiptment used, I think it perpetuates and normalises violence and basically I just don't like it and certainly don't want my child doing it. My ex has said he doesn't care and will take him regardless. My son seems to be undecided which I think is down to him knowing how passionately we both feel about our oppsing views and trying to appease both of us.

AIBU to not want him to do boxing and is there anything I can do about it?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 01/05/2015 17:33

Hak that's your opinion, you are entitled to it, but its as safe as any sport really. When I did kickboxing we all wore protective gear, you would not hit the head, total respect for each other really. It was never about beating the living daylights out of one another. Within our kickboxing session, there was a self defence lesson, which really everyone should know, that is a life skill.

TheForger · 01/05/2015 17:35

I used to do a lot of martial arts, mostly the training with a bit of light sparring. I knew a number of people who were really, really good and did full contact. They were very relaxed, calm and disciplined. I felt the safest ever on a night out with them. I was taught self defence moves as part of the training and it is just to get yourself out of trouble and get away, you don't take people on just keep yourself safe.

I don't see what is wrong in learning to defend yourself. My oldest is doing karate and it isn't about inflicting pain on someone else, it's learning to look after yourself so that if someone who doesn't have any scruples wants to hurt you, you can get away. I don't see that as dated just realistic.

shewept · 01/05/2015 17:37

Well I enjoy hitting a punch bag or my trainers pads. I love seeing my strength improve, speed improve, fitness levels improve and seeing the fat disappear.

Actually hitting someone's body or face...not so much.

cingolimama · 01/05/2015 17:39

This is an interesting thread, and I'm of two minds here. Isn't there a huge difference between youth boxing clubs (all about fitness and discipline) and professional boxing (which frankly turns my stomach just thinking of the cranial damage done)?

Wonder if OP would feel differently if she had a daughter? I definitely want my DD to be able to throw a real punch in self defence if necessary.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/05/2015 17:39

totally agree with you TheForger and definitely shewept. I lost 2 stone whilst kickboxing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/05/2015 17:48

One of the most lovely people I ever met was the man who tested my DH for his black belt. He's a like million Dan black belt, Grand-master. All of about 5 feet tall, he radiated kind calm. He even came up to me and said that I looked anxious. I was, I was worried about DH. He talked me through the whole thing, reassured me that DH could break about twice the boards he was being asked to, he would make sure DH was safe. Now, he could probably kill me with his pinkie but it's unlikely he would. Possibly he would have been that way without Taekwon-do, I don't know.

pantsjustpants · 01/05/2015 18:02

My Dh is an ex amateur boxer and now coaches. They have lots of children at his club, from 6 or 7 upwards.

Many of the kids training will never get into the ring and spar, and definitely not compete. It's not for everyone, but they love the training and the atmosphere of the club. Our club is lovely, very family oriented. I can totally understand your reluctance though..... I hate seeing my Dh get punched, especially now it's no headguards for adults. My Ds is 3 and has been around the club all his life, I know he's going to want to box but I have very mixed feelings about.

Hakluyt · 01/05/2015 18:03

For me it's not about getting hurt-my ds plays rugby- if it was about getting hurt he certainly wouldn't be doing that. It's the training how to hurt other people and the aforementioned pseudo philosophical bullshit I object to.

Oh, and the sort of attitude exemplified by this post -"Of course, if he wants to take up chess instead, best get practicing. smile" - puts me off a bit too.

firesafety · 01/05/2015 18:13

DS has played rugby, and I've seen some horrendous thuggery on the pitch. He's also done karate. The only person he ever fought with was his brother (at home, not at the dojo, and sibling rough-housing, not karate or rugby tackles)).

Rugby thuggery, whilst not across the board is uncontrolled, martial arts/boxing is controlled.

I'm not a boxing fan personally, but the discipline/fitness involved is very good.

sourdrawers · 01/05/2015 18:25

I agree with someone further up thread..Going to a Boxing and working out doesn't mean he'll have to (or necessarily want to) go 'in the ring' and compete OP. He'll get fitter and gain confidence knowing he can handle himself if he's ever forced into having to defend himself from a bully. Important for young bloke.

shewept · 01/05/2015 18:32

The worst fights I have ever seen were on a rugby pitch. Far worse than even cage fighting matches I have seen. I have also seen far more injuries on the rugby pitch, than I have in martial art classes. This is local rugby ages 13ish up. Alot of those have definitely been caused with the intent of causing harm.

I know some boxers and cage fighters and they are alot calmer and less likely to hurt someone than my friends who play rugby

Minus2seventy3 · 01/05/2015 18:40

My daughter does karate - has done since she was six (eight now). Followed her daddy to the dojo as soon as she was old enough for them to take her. One proud dad here.
That "pseudo philosophical bullshit" is anything but - yes, you're learning violence, but you're (more importantly), learning control, courtesy, respect, discipline. And whilst eastern martial arts may have the philosophical and spiritual "bullshit" at their core, a good gym, and a good boxing coach, is teaching those same principles to their students. OP, please look into the boxing with an open mind - the benefits in fitness, confidence, anti-bullying are huge. DD is certainly more confident, self aware, and willing to hold her ground (where one she was a little meek) for MA.

sourdrawers · 02/05/2015 11:29

"pseudo philosophical bullshit" ? How ignorant and narrow minded..

Glad you DD's enjoying her Judo Minus. I'm sure it will stand her in great stead in the future..

worridmum · 02/05/2015 12:10

I dont know I am biasist to boxing I really really hate boxing but I have done judo and karatate and I allow my children to do martial arts as its more about self confidence / dislipine than fighting. (they normally ban / limit head blows where as boxing is mostly head blows)

Hakluyt · 02/05/2015 15:05

Any physical activity is good for self confidence and self discipline and fitness. Only the ones that involve learning how to hurt other people have to invent a whole philosophy to smokescreen the violence.

Original poster

VivienScott · 02/05/2015 15:15

Thanks for the responses.

I don't have a problem with the fitness element of it, but this could be done in other forms, I just really don't want him punching the f*ck out of someone in the name of sport. Self defence is one thing and I wholeheartedly support that. I do have a daughter and I'd want her to do basic self defence as well.

Anyway, I've told my son if he takes up boxing he also has to take up ballet as a counter to it (music appreciation, self expression, incredible fitness) and that I will take up boxing as well and make him watch me getting smacked about in the ring. It's actually the threat of me boxing and getting hurt that has had the biggest influence on his decision to refuse to go along with his fathers wishes and take up the sport, bless him.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2015 16:50

Any physical activity is good for self confidence and self discipline and fitness. I spent school hating and feeling shit about; hockey; lacrosse; rounders; netball so no, not every physical activity is great for every child. I massively prefer solo sports, ones with competition that don't involve running or expensive equipment (except scuba or skiing but I don't like near a mountain or warm water). Sooooo, martial arts. Or yoga but let me tell you that blows your theory about only the ones that involve learning how to hurt other people have to invent a whole philosophy to smokescreen the violence out of the water. A more nonsensical load of old bolleaux I have rarely encountered.

I did know how to hurt people by the end of my training but did I ever? No. Because I stopped short of competitive fighting. Sparring was more my speed. My DH did compete but you'd be surprised how controlled it all us. He fought someone at a comp and the guy was feeling a little worried (DH is big and scary looking) so they had a list of rules; no head shots, no kicks above here, no blah blah. All of which was respected and adhered to. No one got hurt that day, unlike almost every rugby match I have ever attended.

jessym · 02/05/2015 17:00

In this case, could everyone compromise on the boy taking up Judo instead of boxing? He would still get all the benefits of fitness & discipline, but without being punched at all, never mind on the head....

Seems like a fairly obvious solution.

financialwizard · 02/05/2015 17:06

I think you should speak to a local kids boxing club and find out what it is all about before you make the decision to forbid it.

I am nearly 40. I have literally just taken up kickboxing. That is a sport developed from martial arts and we have been told there will be NO contact sparring until we are at a level where we are fit enough and physically strong enough to take it. You have the option to grade (which determines when you start sparring) or not to - in which case you just go for the fitness. Personally I think I will grade because I have been attacked in the past and would feel more confident being able to defend myself. Each to their own though.

Hakluyt · 02/05/2015 17:08

Ballet is excellent for fitness and discipline...

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2015 17:13

Ballet is excellent for fitness and discipline... but not body image. At least not for girls. We tried dance with DD and the instructor was mean, harsh, played favorites and didn't like non-tutu-wearing, active kid DD. She made that very obvious. I'd much rather DD made her home in a dojo than that dance studio.

Hakluyt · 02/05/2015 17:40

This thread's about a boy, though......

shewept · 02/05/2015 17:52

Yes hak and boys can take the same message about their bodies from it. Male ballet dancers tend to be strong but must keep body fat extremely low and this can cause problems, similar to what girls do.

Tbh OP I don't quite agree with what you said to your son. Its manipulating him into siding with you. Even if its not what he wants. It would be a long time before he even had the option of an actual fight.

ToysRLuv · 02/05/2015 18:06

Judo is good, as it's basically about self defence. I did it for a while as a teenager.

ToysRLuv · 02/05/2015 18:06

No hitting, kicking or the like involved.

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