To want to scream in the face of those who say "he/she had a MELTDOWN"

[Skeeter3]

Just no, ok!?

The frequent current misconception that even a big tantrum is in any way comparable to an actual meltdown REALLY boils my piss!!!!!

Yes tantrums can be unpleasant and distressing for all parties BUT they're still not meltdowns.

It demeans those that are dealing with medically defined meltdowns.

The more the word is used to describe a normal childhood tantrum, the less people understand or are tolerant when a child does suffer a meltdown.

If you're guilty of this JUST STOP DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoa. I'm an autistic adult who has 'autistic meltdowns' (lets call them that) and it's really hard.

When I have a meltdown, it's an overload, an overwhelming panic and my fight-or-flight system leaps into action with a surge of adrenaline.

Anyone can have a meltdown, as in a panic reaction. Anyone can have a strop.

It's crushing when a meltdown (as in panic) is interpreted as being manipulative or aggressive. I always want people to know that I was overwhelmed and meant no harm. And really importantly, I want people to know I wasn't attempting to communicate or imply anything by my behaviour.

So, it would be hurtful if someone called that meltdown (panic) a tantrum (as in a strop).

Anyone is free to use whichever word they like, but when you hear a strop sort of tantrum called a 'meltdown' and you know what 'meltdown' means to you, that does sting.

Ideally, I guess we'd have several words that describe exactly what type of behaviour and motive we mean, but that's hard too because words change meaning and motives are often mixed.

It is hard though when as an autistic adult, the words we use can compare your panic to a toddler misbehaving, which on some occasions is what's happening. That scenario can happen and it's hard.

I've always thought of the difference being that a tantrum is about something - I'm not getting that toy I want, I don't want to go to bed, etc.

A meltdown is just rage fuelling rage fuelling rage - its a total overload of NOT BEING ABLE TO COPE until it burns out, and that seems to be the case whatever medical conditions someone may or may not have.

And its also the case that being rude is still being rude, no matter how coldly polite the phrasing may be......

Murky before having my lo I worked very closely with young people with complex needs, one day we were setting up a projector for our 13-14 year olds and something went a bit wrong with it and it omitted this repeated high pitched whirring noise, one of the kids panicked and started looking for an escape, unfortunately the closest was the open window.

It took 5 adults to hold down this small 7ish stone teenager, his eyes were wild with sheer terror. It took 3 hours to get him calm enough to leave the room. I was newly qualified and that was my first experience of a meltdown.

They can be terrifying to watch, let alone feel. I hope you've got good support.

YABU, you don't get to dictate what words mean.

So just to clarify I was bu orrrrrr?

You are a brave lady to say this on aIBU. Was practically same as saying "please come and be a dick and wilfully display your ignorance by giving me a good flaming" to some.

I don't use the SN boards (you have to physically opt in to see them in Active Convos btw) but I know many mn friends do and get a lot of help. I'd suggest having a look as the AIBU possé tend to be a bit erm hard of thinking and this reduces them to Father Jack-esque replies.

Op fwiw I get you and think yanbu, i get why it winds you up!

My dd similar to yours had some epic tantrums which in hindsight were meltdowns, I didn't realise at the time but at least hour long hysterical sobbing were not normal tantrums. Dd since been diagnosed with SPD.

She is now 9yo and still has the occasional meltdown, recently on returning from the skate park she broke down as couldn't cope with her clothes, everything felt too tight/itchy. She was hysterical and sobbing, it took over an hour to calm her down

Was practically same as saying "please come and be a dick and wilfully display your ignorance by giving me a good flaming" to some.

She cam in very aggressively from the start & TBH the word was ours before it started getting misused to describe a specific behaviour that may or may not be easily definable....

Nothing "dickish" about it....

The DSM5 recognises meltdown as a symptom of MHD and ASD.

And knee pain is a symptom of osteoarthritis in the knee. That doesn't mean you can't refer to any other pain in the joint in the middle of the leg as knee pain.

LOL celibacycake

What do you mean by "ours' IKnowIAm?

Are you suggesting people with kids with sN are a separate entity?

its an interesting point, my dd definalty has meltdowns, she is not diagnosed asd, however an 11 year old tantrumming for 4 hours while having sub human strength and no signs of her normal lovely self in there. frothing at the mouth like an animal and hurting anybody or anything that comes near her including herself.

Can I say she has a meltdwon please as I dont think tantrum really covers it.

In case you want a read op

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1524690-To-hate-the-term-meltdown

But it's really more of the same. Still, you know you aren't alone!

Umm, ours? Really?!!

No, seriously really?!!

Can I get a fucked up right there.

Oh Skeeter, I love how you've taken people's thoughts on board and adapted, especially given some of the nasty remarks on this thread.

Despite you saying that you were BU, you will still get people coming on to have a go because some posters only read the first post and respond to that. They should really stop being such lazy arses and read through the thread, then they'd see your further posts.

I would pay no attention to any further posts along the line of MythicalKings (for example). That's a prime example of not reading the thread.

By ours I meant everyones in general, not a medical term that had fallen into common use - please don't read things into it that aren't there!!!

Although it's given the OP something else to rage about...

OP I'm sorry you have to go through this with your child. I have a child of a similar age and when he wants to hurt me he can be pretty harsh, but he isn't anywhere near what you describe.

I think there are varying degrees of meltdown tbh. But I don't think that other people using the term is likely to diminish the meaning it has for your situation, in the eyes of anyone, especially not those you need help from, as they will be inured to hearing it from everyone and anyone and not attach a value to it.

They will just assume that in your circumstances it means something more severe than it does for someone with an NT child.

I mean I don't think as a term it quantifies the severity. iyswim?

OP, you have had a tough ride here.

Oh bore off! Really.

I can see this thread turning really nasty. I don't think you intended it that way, OP but in one breath you're for making a word 'exclusive' and in another, you're picking up a poster for using the word 'ours' as if they haven't the right to say it.

We all have words we don't like; I loathe seeing 'cunt' posted everywhere. It's offensive to me but not to others and much as I don't like it, it's not my call to say others mustn't use it.

I do understand that parents of children with SN who do have what they describe as 'meltdowns', find it irksome that others use the word in what they perceive is in a non-similar context. It really is different strokes for different folks; some people exaggerate, some don't, some people use the prescribed word for something and others use words that perhaps don't fit so well. It's a question of communication and it's a question of wanting to post alongside other people. Do you really think that people are posting to offend you? That does seem to be the default setting for some posters.

Where do you want your thread to go from this point, OP? It's becoming a bit of a slanging match with the usual insults like 'hard of thinking', those in support of the insults and generalising a whole board that you've elected to post on. This isn't a 'bear pit' board, it's the most popular one though, the fastest moving and it's a cross-section of posters. It doesn't mean that people here don't have empathy for other posters, whatever their situation, and it ticks me off that goady posters keep alluding to AIBU like that; they keep insulting the posters on it yet can't stop posting on it themselves. It's just a chatboard like any other; there are other specific sections as posters have mentioned.

eh?

x posts.

Though I have to say I think Aibu is a bear pit

Hmm, I disagree I think the ours was dickish and not meant as everyone otherwise you would have said everyone's.

Saying ours implies that it is the property of SOME not ALL.

I don't need to quantify my "hard of thinking/Father Jack" comments. Somebody else commented to that effect and proved my point.

Lying you will notice i said

"please come and be a dick and wilfully display your ignorance by giving me a good flaming" to some."

SOME. SOME. not ALL.

thank you.