to find it very annoying when dh dishes out less food for me, as i'm a women

[CatSwag]

and men need to eat more

he always does this,esp if we have a take away

I find it odd and controlling, while I get the men may need a few more calories
I have an active life, he works in an office

I dish up more for DH than for myself, but that's because he's bigger and more active than me (as well as being male) so needs more calories. However, if I dished up equal portions, he would never dream of commenting.

'Dish your own food!'

She does! Whereupon he tuts, makes negative comments, calls her 'greedy'.
She's tried speaking to him calmly about it, blowing up, etc. So now just acknowledge his food disorder every time he brings it up with a suggestion to get professional help.

I'm with you on this OP.

My ex used to do this everytime he made food for us. When I made food and gave myself an equal portion he'd make comments throughout the meal!

Yes I did see it as controlling.

And yes I did dump his greedy ass.

My ex was massively controlling about food. Other things too but food was a major issue. He would have strops lasting hours or even days if I transgressed. One day I found myself (alone) in a cafe eating something from the (ever changing) banned list and actually looking out of the window to check he wasn't approaching. At that point I realised that we had a huge problem that went way beyond what was for dinner. I view this type of behaviour as a red flag I'm afraid.

At the moment DH and I have the same size portions as I'm BFing and starving, but when I stop I expect my appetite will decrease and I'll have smaller portions.

However, if you are active and your DH is sedentary then I expect your portion sizes should be fairly equal - although that is not taking into consideration snacks / other meals consumed.

It makes no difference who is bigger or smaller. You, as an adult and equal partner in the relationship, have the right to decide how much goes on your plate. Also to make that decision without any negative comments or reactions from him.
I'm guessing this is just one manifestation of a bigger problem Op.

Just something from earlier on
i never used to bother with carrying cash or card around with me before as it didn't make sense for us both to
Why not? What if something happened to him, or he lost his wallet? I'd never go out without money or a card, regardless of who I was with.

But, as a rule, you should halve the food, and he could have other food if he wants to, or you could have less if you feel like eating less. However, if you are having a take away, order what you feel like eating and what he feels like eating. Less problems.

I like the suggestion of mentioning that his food issues are raising their head every time he makes a comment about anything you want to eat. Your body, your appetite. And he should definitely shut up about it, unless you actually had an eating disorder.

One day I found myself (alone) in a cafe eating something from the (ever changing) banned list and actually looking out of the window to check he wasn't approaching.

Blimey DrCoconut. I'm pleased to hear he's an ex!

DrCoconut - i found my ex hiding from me scoffing a cheese sandwich! He was hiding because it was on the banned list of foods. Found him another time hiding at the train station just before we were supposed to meet, scoffing a donut! Talk about weird

Ugh this really pisses me off! I was at a dinner party where we all joked that I was taller/bigger (not fatter) than all but one of the men there and the hostess hands a plate down the table saying 'this is a women's portion' - so I was being told how much I should be eating - so stupid and so rude!

I could not stand it when my ex-H portion-controlled me, said "do you really need that much?" (when his own portions were bigger), made sadfaces if I dared to have seconds, etc etc. It made me really anxious about food, and I hated him for it.

I left him. Not even kidding. There were other reasons, big ones, but that was certainly on The List.

Yes, it's controlling.

PaperclipJunkie my mil would do that. Drives me insane.

Why not just tell him to fuck off?! NOT FOR A SECOND would I tolerate anyone telling me how much I should or shouldn't be eating, and my other half would crucify me if it were visa versa!!!

It's HIS food issue and not yours, I'd make it clear in no uncertain terms that he can keep his mouth shut on the matter or they'll be no food to eat!!!