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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse to let him stay?

82 replies

OneStepOneStumble · 30/04/2015 19:01

One of my friends tenancy ends this week during his final university exams, so he hasn't got a flat to go to and his only other option is to move back home with his parents (about 45 mins outside the city). He's told me and DP that he's not getting on with them and really wants to avoid it if he can. He then asked if he could stay with us for 10 days...

AIBU to say no, despite his sob story, due to the fact me and DP live in a tiny 1 bed flat, barely big enough for two. My mental health hasn't been fantastic and I really need to have space to relax after work away from people. And my job itself has been quite stressful recently so I really don't want to come home and be "working" at entertaining someone - especially in their stress with final year exams.

I feel like I can't really refuse him but I know the next 10 days will be miserable if I say yes. If I can how can I refuse politely? I feel like such a horrible person!

OP posts:

CMOTDibbler · 30/04/2015 19:03

'No, sorry, that doesn't work for me'. Just keep on repeating this

Reignbeau · 30/04/2015 19:05

Just tell him you don't have space. It's not your problem, surely he knew his lease was ending and could have sorted something out before now.

SquinkiesRule · 30/04/2015 19:05

I'd have said no too.
He can commute for the last 10 days, surely if he has exams he's not even in Uni daily anyway.

Original poster

OneStepOneStumble · 30/04/2015 19:09

He just keeps saying about how bad things are with his parents, and then I feel like an awful person!

That's another thing I'm worried about, we don't have a spare set of keys and with me and DP out at work all day I'd feel weird leaving him alone in the house anyway!

OP posts:

pictish · 30/04/2015 19:11

I'd say no. A one bedroomed flat will offer no privacy or space to either ou or your friend and 10 days is too long to go on like that.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 30/04/2015 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redlocks28 · 30/04/2015 19:12

My DH commutes 2 hours into the city and 2 hours home again every single day! Surely he can travel 45 minutes for a few exams??!

TedAndLola · 30/04/2015 19:15

YANBU I'd say no too. It's a big ask and he should be gracious about you saying no.

VanitasVanitatum · 30/04/2015 19:15

Just say you're really sorry but there's no space, there really isn't space to have someone on your sofa for that long!

If you just say it without being overly apologetic or guilt laden then he will just have to cheerfully accept it or look like an arse.

CorporationPop · 30/04/2015 19:18

Does he know you only have a 1 bed flat? If so, he is the one being unreasonable to ask in the first place. Just tell him you don't have space.

Original poster

OneStepOneStumble · 30/04/2015 19:23

Yes, he's been here several times before and seen it. He's even slept on the sofa after locking himself out one night - and that was stressful enough cos we were going away the next day and we had to pack and get ready around him!!

OP posts:

TheAwfulDaughter · 30/04/2015 19:26

This reply has been deleted

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PurpleSwift · 30/04/2015 19:29

no, YANBU. I'm assuming this hasn't just been sprung on him and he knew when his tenancy was ending so had time to make other arrangements. Even if that isn't the case i'd still say no, just say it isn't convenient.

TheMagnificientFour · 30/04/2015 19:32

Yep depends how good a friend he is.
I wuld have no hesitation with soime of my friends. Others who I'm actually not that close, I would have an issue with.

Also IF you decide to let him stay, clear boundaries are a must (eg time to get up, no entertaining etc...)

CheeseandPickledOnion · 30/04/2015 19:33

Absolutely no. A 1 bed flat is not big enough for that many people for 10 days. Especially not during a stressful time when you would expect he would need space and time to revise? It's not the best solution for HIM or YOU.

MrsDeVere · 30/04/2015 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

OneStepOneStumble · 30/04/2015 20:11

Okay, DP has said no and he's come back saying he wants to stay over tomorrow so we can "discuss" it. Discuss what? We said no about it, surely as it's our flat there is no discussion to be had?

I'm now worried he'll come and give us a full sob story which I'll find hard to say no to in person.

OP posts:

CheeseandPickledOnion · 30/04/2015 20:13

No is a complete sentence.

No, we cannot discuss, there is no room for discussion sorry.

Don't let him come over. And with that I wouldn't even offer a room the night before an exam. He won't leave. Guaranteed.

MrsDeVere · 30/04/2015 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magoria · 30/04/2015 20:15

YMCA or youth hostel.

Who on earth does he think he is wanting to come and discuss your decision to not let him stay at your place!

londonrach · 30/04/2015 20:16

Suggest he looks on gumtree re short term hol let or maybe stay mon to fri at a cheap b&b. ive done that. Onky 10 days he dan do that. You keep saying no!

hoobypickypicky · 30/04/2015 20:21

How bloody rude! There's nothing to discuss, the cheeky fucker!

FGS tell him no means no and don't have him staying over tomorrow. Once he's got his foot in the door you'll feel under pressure, capitulate (because you're not as fucking rude as he is) and he'll be there for the next 10 months!

I'm sorry for the language but I'm incensed on your behalf. Who the hell does he think he is?!

If he's old enough and bright enough to study at university he's old enough and bright enough to sort out his issues with his mum and dad or find alternative accommodation which doesn't involve putting pressure on you. He's got a mummy. It's not you. You've no reason to start mothering this rude little oik.

Justmuddlingalong · 30/04/2015 20:22

Tell him not to bother coming over tomorrow night. There is nothing to discuss and he is wasting time when he should be looking for alternative accommodation/packing. Don't feel pressurised, he IBtotallyU. If he gets his foot in the door, the sob stories will continue. No, means no, means no!

Painfulbits · 30/04/2015 20:23

Say yes on the condition that he repays the favour when he has his own place....

lithewire · 30/04/2015 20:24

Stick to your guns OP. Better to have an awkward conversation than to spend 10 days feeling uncomfortable in your own home. He's a grown up, his living arrangements are his own responsibility.

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