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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse to let him stay?

82 replies

OneStepOneStumble · 30/04/2015 19:01

One of my friends tenancy ends this week during his final university exams, so he hasn't got a flat to go to and his only other option is to move back home with his parents (about 45 mins outside the city). He's told me and DP that he's not getting on with them and really wants to avoid it if he can. He then asked if he could stay with us for 10 days...

AIBU to say no, despite his sob story, due to the fact me and DP live in a tiny 1 bed flat, barely big enough for two. My mental health hasn't been fantastic and I really need to have space to relax after work away from people. And my job itself has been quite stressful recently so I really don't want to come home and be "working" at entertaining someone - especially in their stress with final year exams.

I feel like I can't really refuse him but I know the next 10 days will be miserable if I say yes. If I can how can I refuse politely? I feel like such a horrible person!

OP posts:

Coumarin · 30/04/2015 20:24

No. No. No.

It's your flat, you get to say who is in it, when and how long for. His housing problems are his not yours.

He's being incredibly rude asking to discuss it after your DP has said no.

Your mental health is first priority here.

hoobypickypicky · 30/04/2015 20:27

No wonder he doesn't get on with his parents! I can only assume that he tries arguing the toss with them as if he owns their home too!

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 20:29

YANBU. And no 'sorry'. 'This doesn't work for us. You need to make other arrangements,' over and over.

10 days, my arse, but even if it's 1, you are not responsible for his housing problems.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 20:33

'Okay, DP has said no and he's come back saying he wants to stay over tomorrow so we can "discuss" it. Discuss what? We said no about it, surely as it's our flat there is no discussion to be had?

I'm now worried he'll come and give us a full sob story which I'll find hard to say no to in person.'

If you cannot face calling him, then you text or message him: 'We have both told you it doesn't work for us to have you to stay. There is nothing to discuss. You need to make other arrangements. If you come over we will not be in.'

And then you turn off your buzzer.

What a twat.

Leeds2 · 30/04/2015 20:35

YANBU. I would also make sure you are out tomorrow evening, if possible, as I bet there is a good chance he will turn up anyway. Or, at the very least, shut the curtains and don't open the door.

GERTI · 30/04/2015 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 20:43

Tomorrow is 1 May. His tenancy has ended. He didn't want to stump up rent for the rest of exam weeks. Because he figured he would park up at yours.

Do not allow this. Text him that and then be out tomorrow night or don't let him in.

GERTI · 30/04/2015 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 20:45

'Have a look at the Restup hostel at Elephant & Castle. 5 min walk to the tube station, it's in zone 1 and there is the option to get your own room and bathroom. It's basic and very tiny, but it's clean and cheap (I've stayed there myself).'

she does this, and he will throw it back in her face. His accommodation is his to sort out.

Cluesue · 30/04/2015 20:48

No to staying for 10 days.
No to staying over tomorrow.no to discussing it.
Twat.

OfficerVanHalen · 30/04/2015 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissyMistress402 · 30/04/2015 20:49

As others have said, no is no. He must accept that and make other arrangements, and thats that.

MissyMistress402 · 30/04/2015 20:49

As others have said, no is no. He must accept that and make other arrangements, and thats that.

MrsDeVere · 30/04/2015 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eddielizzard · 30/04/2015 20:52

no. what a prat.

quietbatperson · 30/04/2015 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

verbeier · 30/04/2015 20:57

I'm shocked by his brazen behaviour, his incredibly rude! What hooby said.

pictish · 30/04/2015 21:05

"We have already discussed it and agreed that it won't work for us. Our place isn't geared up for guests at all. You will have to think of an alternative. Good luck!"

Original poster

OneStepOneStumble · 30/04/2015 21:10

Thanks for the support everyone! Just needed a little shove to be more firm - I need to learn how to say no and avoid becoming a doormat! He's already borrowed money from us before "just to last to the end of the month" and it's becoming a bit of a theme. That will most definitely be stopping now.

OP posts:

Original poster

OneStepOneStumble · 30/04/2015 21:10

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 21:22

Has he paid the money back?

This person is a pisstaker. Here is his plan, One: tenancy had ended, stay with One and partner for free (10 days minimum) and not have to stump up for travel expenses, too. Possibly even hit them up for some dosh into the bargain.

The fact he was told 'NO' and his response was a demand to stay at yours tomorrow to discuss how he can get his way when he tried to invite himself and was told no speaks volume.

Text or message him now. He is rude beyond belief.

ofcabbagesandkings · 30/04/2015 21:31

In situations like this, Student Services would be able to help find temporary accommodation. They may be able to find temporary space in the halls of residence, or at least point him in the direction of an amiable landlord/hostel. He should try this rather than bother those who are in no position to help!

Worst case scenario - he could spend the whole day (and much of the evening) on campus, going to his parents only to sleep.

I'm sure he'll have an even worse sob story ready for tomorrow's "discussion" [rolleyes] But after those 10 days are up, he'll still have nowhere else to stay, and will still not be getting on with his parents, so what then? Better not to let him in at all than try to get him out once he's already stayed for a time...

I don't intend to be mean - believe me, I understand how hard it can be during finals. Whilst doing mine, I had to travel 90+ minutes each way, work between exams, cram til the small hours every night so I could take care of my young son in the evenings... and still managed it all okay.

YANBU. No means no means no. Look after yourselves, he is not your responsibility. I'm sure he'll be able to find another option.

YoniMitchell · 30/04/2015 21:35

Totally agree with everyone else here!

One you and your dp could just go out tomorrow evening. I know it's avoiding this issue but he does sound really pushy and a total cheeky fucker and I'm a wimp who would want to avoid any confrontation

FeelTheNoise · 30/04/2015 21:38

Universities have temporary guest accommodation, so he can approach them. He does sound pushy though, and you don't want a pushy unwelcome house guest

SoldierBear · 30/04/2015 21:39

"we have told you that you cannot stay with us and we are not discussing it again, tomorrow or any other night"

Short and to the point.

He's had months to make alternative arrangements, so do not suggest any for him or he will come up with a sob story. If he tries to pull a fast one over on you, just stick to your guns and repeat "you are not staying here" like a broken record. it is not your responsibility to find him a place to stay. Plus his parents are only 45 minutes away, so he can always go there if all else fails no mug will take him in

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