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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that MIL should NOT be doing the 100 + mile round trip to pick DSD up in Saturday?

89 replies

Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:18

DSD (5) lives with her DM through the week about 60 miles away. DP is very busy lambing and calving at the moment and has proposed that MIL goes to collect her on Saturday morning.

This would be all well and good if it wasn't for the fact that MIL is 68, crippled with arthritis, on 24 hour oxygen (she has mobile oxygen for car journeys) and can barely see over the steering wheel. She is very eager to go and pick DSD up - understandably she gets cabin fever as she can't go outside so much, especially since the temperature has cooled down quite a lot.

DSD's DM says that she has work at 9:00am but she will drive 5 miles in our direction to lessen MILs journey time. MIL will be setting off just after 7am so that she can get there for 8:30 and DSDs DM will be able to get to work on time.

I know that DP wants to see DSD but FGS!! I mean would any of you mumsnetters be happy to put your child at risk like this??

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/04/2015 14:21

Can you not pick her up?

Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:22

I will be at work from 7am until 2pm so not really

OP posts:
shewept · 30/04/2015 14:23

I wouldn't be happy. But what's the alternative?

The Childs mum has to go to work and both parents have agreed the trip.

Since your dh can't go get her and you can't/ won't, what alternative are you proposing?

shewept · 30/04/2015 14:24

Could she come a night early? Either you or dh pick her upon Friday after school?

Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:30

She has a friend staying over tonight allegedly, DP's hands are tied as he's just so busy and I work odd shifts so it seems to be the only solution, DSDs DM has a partner who doesn't work but can't drive.

schwept "since your DH can't go get her and you can't/wont" yeah that statement has p**d me off a bit. I do more than my fair share with DSD, I pick her up and drop her off whenever I can so please don't imply that by going to work to help provide for her that I am simply being awkward and refusing to go for her as is simply isn't the case!

OP posts:
TwinkieTwinkle · 30/04/2015 14:33

So what would be your ideal solution?

hoobypickypicky · 30/04/2015 14:33

Forget the putting the child at risk for a moment! What sort of man would allow/encourage/ask his 68 year old, arthiritis ridden, oxygen supply reliant mother to take up such a journey for his convenience?

Perhaps the family - dad, mum and child - just need to accept that for unavoidable reasons the usual weekend visit is not possible and that your DP will need to arrange childcare for the Saturday as he can't have his daughter as he usually would. It won't harm anyone.

AuntyMag10 · 30/04/2015 14:35

So what would be your suggestion then?

shewept · 30/04/2015 14:36

OP it wasn't meant to piss you off. You didn't out in your first post what the reason you couldn't do it. I didn't know if it was a case of can't or won't.

diddl · 30/04/2015 14:36

So are you saying that the little girl's grandmother isn't capable of doing the journey safely?

Could both parents meet half way friday night?

How does it usually work?

shewept · 30/04/2015 14:36

I was writing it when you updated with why you can't

Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:39

My solution would be to accept that unfortunately, this week it's not meant to be but next week (when I have Friday evening and Saturday morning off) she'll be able to come over, safely as usual. DSDs DM has never done her fair share of the travelling so it has always been up to us to muddle through it.

I just couldn't put my own daughter in that danger and am very uneasy with them putting DSD at risk like this too

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 30/04/2015 14:40

Can someone not take over the lambing and calving for a few hours so your husband can go and get her?

Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:42

Sorry schwept I get taken for granted a lot with all I do for DSD and know that SMs wrongly get a lot of flack on MN.

Diddl we usually pick DSD up on a Friday night, after school at 4:30 pm at her DM's house and then drive back. We then drive her all the way back home on a Sunday night ready for school the next morning

OP posts:
CupidStuntSurvivor · 30/04/2015 14:42

If he's very busy calving and lambing and this stops him being able to collect her, does he actually have time to spend with her?

Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:43

wipsglitter not really - anybody we know whose capable are busy lambing and calving their own flocks/herds

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 30/04/2015 14:44

Is there a farm hand/brother/someone who can just watch over things for a couple of hours?

diddl · 30/04/2015 14:44

So why can't she be fetched as usual on Friday?

If she does manage to get over Saturday, who will be looking after her?

Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:44

cupid not really. I do the Lions share. He will quickly wolf down meals with us and will pop his head around the door at bath time to say good night etc

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 30/04/2015 14:47

Her mum has work it's your partners responsibility to collect his daughter he should pay someone to help on the farm for a few hours and go get her himself

Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:47

shatners unfortunately not - DP doesn't get on with his brother so they won't be doing each other any favours any time soon and anybody else capable will be busy on their own farms. diddl her mum says that she has a friend staying over on Friday night and she will have to sit in the house watching TV with MIL until I finish work

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 30/04/2015 14:47

I wouldn't let my child do this.

The Mil doesn't sound healthy enough to be driving that far but my main concern would be the timing.

It's bank holiday weekend so the roads will be busy, what if MIL doesn't get there for exactly 8.30? If she's late, the mum will be late for work and then she'll be panicking. It's just all really silly.

shewept · 30/04/2015 14:47

Yes OP I do appreciate that. But I am (in most cases) a supporter of step parents. I think its incredibly hard to get it right and often get alot of shit for doing you best.

Unfortunately I think you need to leave this decision to dh and his ex, although I wouldn't have thought the ex would be too happy her dd is coming to stay and won't see her dad at all.

Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:50

mommy my partner works 24/7 and does EVERY commute to pick DSD up and drop her back off again even though DSDs DM was the one who moved away in the first place. I agree that he should get someone to man the farm while he goes to pick her up but it's kind of easier said than done. I also don't see why DSDs DMs partner can't look after her seeing as though he's unemployed

OP posts:
Original poster
Peppapigsbitch · 30/04/2015 14:52

bakeoff I agree and have told both DP and MIL what I think but it seems they are still going ahead anyway

OP posts: