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Original poster

Sending wedding invitations to guests who will likely be breastfeeding

109 replies

DiDiddlyIDi · 30/04/2015 06:36

Apologies for a wedding related question, but I have searched threads on here and not come up with an answer. We are getting married this summer and there will be some day guests with babies. One with a 2week old, another with a 10 week old and another 12 week old (if all due dates go to plan) Am I right to understand that we must invite the baby along? (for clarity I think we must but I want to check)

Is it a given that nursing mothers expect their baby to be invited?
Given that all of these guests will be travelling over 200 miles to the wedding. In fact 2 are coming from overseas but grandparents are in the UK, so they will be able to leave them with their grandparents (total assumption here) but they will still realistically not be with baby for a minimum of 30 hours.

Also regarding evening guests, we have one with a 16 month old coming from overseas who has no relatives in the UK, I am sure we must invite their child? We have another 2 guests with babies under 6 months (assume still breastfeeding), I guess we really should invite them. But then what will the people with 11 months old think? Oh I am so confused and want everyone to come and everyone to be happy but we were also quite set on no children apart from nieces and nephews. For context the guest list is running at 270 without babies (we originally wanted 130 day and extra 50 at night, but my mother has run away with the guest list and is filling it up like the electoral roll)

OP posts:
Silvercatowner · 30/04/2015 06:40

You don't HAVE to invite anyone, adults or bf'ing babies. It is your do and your choice. But be prepared for invitations to parents of bf'ing babies to be declined if the babes aren't invited, and be prepared for a certain amount of ill feeling, too.

LineRunner · 30/04/2015 06:40

I would personally go very quietly to a Registry Office, to avoid what already sounds like a complete circus.

Silvercatowner · 30/04/2015 06:41

Yes - actually what Linerunner said.

poocatcherchampion · 30/04/2015 06:43

I suggest you either put in the instructions that babes in arms only are welcome or a separate note on each invite with children says yes or no. For the 11mo just put a note to the parents saying you are not having children really but presumably they have no option so you can squeeze him/her in.

It sounds like a good plan to me.

NotNob · 30/04/2015 06:44

We were in a similar position and invited the youngest. You will probably find people will not come if they're babies are not allowed. Those with children above 6 months were delighted with the excuse to leave DCs with grandparents.

ollieplimsoles · 30/04/2015 06:45

Hmm this is a tricky one! Firstly- take back control of your guest list, its your wedding and take it from me, nothing stresses you out more than a bigger wedding than you wanted hanging over you!

I don't have any experience with inviting young babies to a wedding, but i think I would worry about what the parents of the older babies would think when they saw the tiny newborns had been invited.
I would maybe contact the mums of the newborns early on and ask them if they would feel comfortable bringing their babies. You may find they would like to leave them with gps/ friends while they attend your day do. If that's the case you might get away with asking all parents to get baby sitters?

But if you say you want a no children wedding, then your nieces and nephews are there, some guests might be put out by that if they wanted to bring their children?

AuntyMag10 · 30/04/2015 06:46

I think you are right in wanting to invite the babies as well. These people are travelling a distance to attend so only right to have the bf babies there. If the 11month old will be the only other child then I would invite the child too. Fwiw I had about 320 on my wedding day and it definitely wasn't a circus.

Bumpandbaby2014 · 30/04/2015 06:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/04/2015 06:47

Is your mother paying for the wedding? If not, reclaim the guest list and start cutting it back again! Shock

I had a "no child" wedding but allowed the breastfed babies (and my nieces, although only at the party bits, not at the meal) because I consider it unreasonable to try and separate mothers from their breastfed babies, as do some others (but not all!) Glad you're trying to be considerate to them.

I think anyone coming from overseas should be afforded extra consideration - if they have no option for babysitting and don't know anyone to ask, then let their child come.

If you want a cut-off, then say no children who are mobile - that at least reduces the hazard risk! (if that is a consideration).

Remember you can't please everyone - so please yourselves as far as you can, but with a decent level of consideration (which I think you're showing).

Or do what Linerunner said Grin

sparkysparkysparky · 30/04/2015 06:47

I invited kids. It was a family and friends do and quite small - 50. No hassle if couldn't come. No hassle with kids. It was our do. People were there to celebrate our day not to be sniffy about each other.

Bumpandbaby2014 · 30/04/2015 06:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonrach · 30/04/2015 06:51

Up to you who you invite. Are you paying. If so reclaim the list and invite who you want there!

FreudiansSlipper · 30/04/2015 06:52

I have been to a few weddings abroad and travelling with ds so I would assume if I was making that effort he would naturally by invited too (which he always has been)

I too would not be offended if he was not invited, when he was very young I would have politely declined and I personally would not travel abroad for a wedding if ds was not invited I simply would not want to (and a huge expense that would also be a holiday or short break for ds and I)

I would get that list back off your mum before your cousin's neighbour is invited too

IAmAPaleontologist · 30/04/2015 06:55

entirely up to you. i imagine the ones with the 2 week old will decline given that she could theoretically still be pregnant or have a1 day old. babes in arms is a good compromise as doesn't affect numbers and meals etc.

Mehitabel6 · 30/04/2015 06:58

You will find they won't come without children- the child care is all too difficult.
Is would take control of your guest list, it seems way out of hand. My son is getting married shortly and they are doing the inviting- parents on either side have not been consulted.

lambsie · 30/04/2015 07:00

I think you should invite the very young babies regardless of whether they are being bf or not. Or no babies at all.

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate · 30/04/2015 07:02

If you're still counting a baby's age in weeks then there is almost zero chance that the parents will be willing or able to leave it with someone else for any significant period of time.

You should also take care when wording this one (if that's what you end up doing) because if you do phrase it as 'assume still breastfeeding' you risk seriously offending anyone who bottle feeds their baby; it would be suggesting that their bond is less important and they would find it easy to leave their 3 month old. Tiny babies still [need] their mother/father regardless of feeding method.

To be honest, it all sounds rather ott (evening guests travelling from abroad?!) but it's your wedding so you can do what you like.

AuntieStella · 30/04/2015 07:06

Agree that you do not have to invite anyone.

And an individual should not expect their whole family to be invited, but if course it's nice if they are.

It's going to look like a snub if some babies are invited, but not others depending on feeding choices.

You could stick to no children, but accept that those with very small babies may decline. Or invite all babes-in-arms; you could cut off at 6 months as most babies can be left for a while by that age. If it is just 1 baby between 6 months to a year (and then a gap to older children) then you could include that one too. But it's better to have a clear line, and below the age the child is self-propelling is the most useful. Most 11 months old can crawl, sometimes surprisingly fast.

Original poster
DiDiddlyIDi · 30/04/2015 07:06

Sorry just to be clear no evening guests from overseas, overseas guests all get day invites.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiDiddlyIDi · 30/04/2015 07:08

Also wasn't wanting to upset and distinguish between breast feeding and bottle.
So "babes in arms" means those under 6 months?

Can you tell I have no zero experience in this field Shock

OP posts:
Catsize · 30/04/2015 07:09

I wouldn't have left my bf babies but nor would I have been put out by a 'no children' invite - I would have just stayed at home. 270 seems bonkers OP. Hope you pull back some control.

NurseRoscoe · 30/04/2015 07:12

If I were a guest, I would be happy leaving my 2 and 4 year olds with grandparents. They would find a wedding boring, would probably run around and play up and I can perfectly understand the reasoning behind not wanting to invite children of this age. They would also be really really happy with their nanny and grandad.

However, if they were under 6 months, not weaned, not mobile etc I would, if I am honest, not really see the issue with them being there. They won't be naughty or occupy the parents time completely by having to be constantly followed/chased around, they won't need a meal or a seat, they will probably sleep through most of it and the mum or dad could carry them out if they started screaming.

However it IS your choice and at the end of the day you can invite whoever you want, as long as you are prepared for the situation that these people won't want to come. There would be no way I would leave a 2 week old breastfeeding baby with someone else to go to a wedding

Bumpandbaby2014 · 30/04/2015 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NurseRoscoe · 30/04/2015 07:13

*can't really see the issue

Original poster
DiDiddlyIDi · 30/04/2015 07:16

Re the 270 and gaining control, I've given up, there is no reasoning with the holder of the purse strings Sad
I've accepted that the venue is plenty big enough and we'll just go with it.

OP posts:
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