Working mums get all the shit and end up with no career

[farewellfigure]

Hi. I really don't know if I've just a bee in my bonnet or whether workplaces in general really are unfair and women get such a raw deal. It's all very emotional at the moment as our department has just announced that 2 out of 10 of us will be made redundant in the next month. I'm applying for an admin/assistant role in my DS's school and I really hope I get it. I'm actually really excited but I can't help pondering over the fact I will become the cliché of a career woman who has to give it all up.

Anyway, at work, there are 3 designers who are part time, and 2 part time writers. We are all mums who had careers... we were managers, department heads etc. Then we had babies and came back part time and weren't allowed to be managers any more. And how about the men we used to manage whose wives had babies? They are now managers, department heads etc. It drives me NUTS. In DS's school, there are so many mums who had careers, and are now dinner ladies, TAs, admin assistants etc, it's just not funny. Not that there is anything wrong with any of those jobs whatsoever. But it just seems so unfair to me. I know having children is a choice, and I chose to do it. And I chose to go back part time. Yes... all my choices because I actually wanted to see my DS a bit every day and have a relationship with him. But basically I waved good bye to my career and now it looks like I'll have to wave good bye to the job as well.

There are 2 young women in the office who will probably get to keep their jobs when the redundancies come because they are young and full time and 'fresh'. WIBU to say to them, 'When your time comes, and you choose to have babies, come back full time. Put your DCs in nursery all day every day and keep your management roles. Otherwise you can kiss good bye to your high-flying careers and do what all the other overlooked mums end up doing'. Bitter? Me? Just a wee bit. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts and maybe a bit of perspective! And I'm giving myself a . Is that allowed?

Usually the most sexist posters show by the way they write why they are at home. The bottom line is most men and women in the UK want a balanced life and both work. It is never easy having children under 5 whether you work or not but for most men and women it is worth keeping work and a proper career going as if you take off usually (but not always) it is hard or impossible to go back into it later.

I remember in the 1940s her employers were surprised my mother kept on teaching once she married. In fact she didn't have children for about 13 years as she was supporting my father who did a physics degree, then a medical degree, then exams until he was well over 30 to become a consultant in the NHS. She says she was the first woman to claim the married "man's (in those days) tax allowance in her city. Her own mother was widowed in about 1931 with a baby after about 18 months of marriage so fo course had to work. The generation before of mothers worked. I think most women always have and have often wanted to as it tends to make marriages more equal and more fair. It is why many Western charities give loan funds to small business women and women farmers in Africa as women tend to spend money on their business and children whilst the men sadly often just piss aid donations up the wall and abandon the family. (I am not saying all men are like that and indeed some housewives take their husband's wage packet manage it all and give him an allowance for his beer money).

Yes you're right to leave the thread. There's no where for the discussion to go with someone who believes they know what other parents think and feel about their children

I have never met a woman irl who says that all women should be sahms and that wohm are not puttingn their dc first.

Only in mn…

I wonder how old 2boys2girls children are? What happens when the leave home?

I personally would be a totally shit housewife, my own mother would have probably gone nuts if she was a SAHM. I guess some people believe that neither of us should have had kids then. I would have to disagree.

Same here Hazle. I'm pretty pleased that my mother still had me and I'm sure my DD prefers to be alive and have the stimulation of her excellent nursery than either of the alternatives of never being born or being at home with a mother who is unsuited to being a SAHM.

I'm a shit housewife and a fabulous mother. I choose to outsource the housework to someone who is better at it than me. I cannot turn off my 'mothering' brain and thankfully I am capable of mothering my children without being around them 100% of the time.

They know who their mum is - I'm the one who loves the very bones of them and forgives them and thinks about how to turn them into great human beings. That doesn't stop because I'm out of the house 30 hours a week. In fact, I'm convinced that being out of the house away from the relentless dross makes me better at it.

Let me join the club of mums who would not be a good sahm. My own mum is a wohm and i never felt neglected because of that. Besides i am the main earner in my household so it is the logical choice.

OP - I agree.

I worked in Media. Took Redundancy when pregnant with 2nd child was SAHM for a bit and I am now a TA! I do feel like a bit of a cliche, but also that my 'choices' were very limited.

I also see a LOT of trainee teachers now. I'm not convinced that teaching is a very family friendly career and I wonder how many of the new trainees imagine it is.

But it's up to you, isn't it? No one is right or wrong.

I know plenty of women who have kept their high flying careers and salaries. They haven't had much to do with their child's upbringing though (full time nursery straight into school) and barely see their child through the week.

However, they do have plenty of money to do lots of holidays with them and exciting things at the weekend.

I'd rather spend the time with my children. That means going part time, Which means losing my status. It's my call.

I'll be one of those highly qualified women, in a few years time, who attempts to get back into work - and ends up on the till in a supermarket I used to be a national manager of. Quite ironic and fairly amusing really! You have to laugh!

My grandmother was a SAHM, she was also a child abuser and sadist - I don't think we should assume that women are automatically good parents and wonderful people.
Many men able to care for their children perfectly well, there is no magic set of skills that all women have and no men have. It is unfair to men to assume their parenting contribution will be inferior.

DH is better cheering up DD than I am - he is better that way.
We are both parents, we both have careers.
If I'd stayed at home I'd have been bored rigid and pissed off. That would not have made me a good parent.
We need to stop fixating on only women being suitable to give up work when children come along.

You're lucky that you got to have a choice. Some people don't.