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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my inlaws have bought my husband a playstation

120 replies

dw53 · 28/04/2015 18:45

they see my 2 boys(aged 1 and 3) approx. every 2 months and NEVER bring gifts they turned up at the weekend with a brand new playstation 3 as they think their never gets anything as all his money goes to paying for the house and kids!! I work full time earning the same as my husband and I have recently taken a weekend job to pay for a weekend away to celebrate my 2 sisters' 40th & 50th Birthdays. my parents gave us money for a family holiday for Christmas. my husband cannot see why i'm annoyed

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/04/2015 22:11

grinch it would be nice for the DH to buy her flowers, because he has just been treated. He is feeling good about that. Meanwhile she can't help but feel snubbed and unappreciated for all she does. If he carries on enjoying his exciting new toy regardless, thats not good. If he thought about her and bought her a little something for no reason (like this PS was), then that goes some way to tending OPs hurt feelings.

regardless of whether OP should expect a gift at all, or would prefer a gift to come to them all, or even just their kids, DHs reaction can help how she feels here.

msgrinch · 28/04/2015 22:17

women can use play stations to, it's not just for men. I'm sure the op could have just as much enjoyment as her husband! More so than receiving some flowers.

wannaBe · 28/04/2015 22:19

My mum bought me a kitchenaid. (Shock) how very dare she.

I can just imagine the reverse of this thread: "dh is annoyed that my parents bought me a present," the cries of ltb would be heard from all around.

Timetoask · 28/04/2015 22:20

Ohhhh you poor thing!! There there, ofcourse you also work hard, how unfair that only Dh got a pressy! Ohh, never mind, next time it will be your turn, now be a good girl and try and be happy for Dh.

Jessica2point0 · 28/04/2015 22:28

I'm really hoping my MIL offers to pay for DPs season ticket when she finds out he can't afford to renew it (not expecting, just fingers crossed, and he hasn't thought of it). It never occurred to me to be offended if she did offer.

lupo5 · 29/04/2015 00:39

Didn't read the whole thread but I would say it every time when I see them how much I AM enjoying games while DH is with kids.
I would also mention that is amazing way to relax...maybe that would make them think.Childish I know Grin

MQv2 · 29/04/2015 01:04

"I think at the very least the DH needs to acknowledge that OP is feeling very unappreciated and buy her a bunch of flowers."
Because pandering to unreasonable sulky behaviour and vindicating the unreasonable behaviour will definitely stop this from happening again and solve the problem.

Alternatively the op could just grow up

FirstOfficerDouglasRichardson · 29/04/2015 06:35

The OP didn't come back then?

Mehitabel6 · 29/04/2015 06:43

I expect that her DH is as baffled as I am as to why he should be annoyed.Confused
My mother often buys me a present without my DH expecting one too.

letscookbreakfast · 29/04/2015 06:56

God the in laws are absolute cunts for buying DH a PS3, how fucking dare they angry face

Back in reality I think that posters and the OP are reading way too much into this and they need to grow the fuck up.

MackerelOfFact · 29/04/2015 07:05

YANBU, OP.

It basically boils down to two things, doesn't it:

  1. They think he 'supports' the family and needs some kind of compensation for that because, aww, it must be so hard for poor little diddums to be an adult and have a full time job and go on free holidays paid for by his MIL.
  1. A Playstation is a toy and no grown adult needs one. It's a bit of an infantilising gift and plays into point one.

Of course MILs don't need to run gifts past wives, but buying your adult son a time-wasting toy because you think it's sad he has adult responsibilities and needs to regularly dump his young family on his wife so he can pretend to shoot aliens and drive fast cars is a bit insulting.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 29/04/2015 07:14

Some people are just proper nightmares.

letscookbreakfast · 29/04/2015 07:16

And here we go with the no grown adult needs a games console comments.

Tanfastic · 29/04/2015 07:19

I think yabu to be upset at parents buying son a present. I hope to still be able to treat my boy when he's married with kids.

However yanbu to be irritated if there was an assumption that the present buying was because your poor hard done by dh pays all the bills and so hasn't got the money to treat himself as its you that has a bigger disposable income and he is the main contributor (if that is what was inferred). That, would have pissed me off. I think sometimes the older generation still see the male as the main breadwinner and provider.

However it's not entirely clear what your gripe is.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 29/04/2015 07:27

But but but even if it's not the OP over thinking and the in-laws do think their DS is Hunter-gatherer and needs a treat, so what?

We see my in-laws a handful of times a year. FIL was suprised to learn I'm full time. I've been full time for years! I'm also the highest earner. I couldn't care less that my "contribution" hasn't been fully recognised and duly praised. Why would I?

I know. DH knows.

RitaCrudgington · 29/04/2015 07:31

But mackerel, working full time with a one and three year old is tough. It's tough whether you're male or female and it's tough even if there's two of you doing it. Sure some people have it tougher than that, but it is definitely a really challenging period in your life if you've been used to being a fancy free DINKY couple. And on top of that the cost of maternity leave and/or childcare normally means that there's very little money to go around.

I think it's entirely normal for an older parent to look at their own child going through that stage and think "aw my DD/DS deserves a treat". As a PP said, if the OP was a man objecting to his DW having been bought a spa day we'd lynch him.

MythicalKings · 29/04/2015 07:34

How did they know he wanted one?

Maybe he had a bit of a moan so they wanted to cheer him up.

Really can't see the problem.

diddl · 29/04/2015 07:37

"They didn't buy a treat though, they bought him a toy. Those games are addictive and the op's dh is obviously going to want to play."

Not necessarily!

He may have asked for one, of course. Or he may have no interest whatsoever.

OP, why do they think that he pays for everything?
I would have thought that that is the issue here, not what they spend their money on.

And why have you taken a weekend job?

forago · 29/04/2015 07:46

I can't really see the problem here. why shouldn't they buy their son a present if they want to? why shouldn't he play video games,vin moderation, in his free time the kids are damn well going to be in a few years

my ILs bought us a Wii years ago, admittedly as a familyvxmas present, we've had hours if fun, much if it active, on it.

if my ILS bought DP a PS I'd be glad, one less thing for me to buy. I would be a secretly a bit disappointed it wasn't a PS4:though .....

ollieplimsoles · 29/04/2015 07:59

I'm sorry but if my mil turned up with a playstation for my dh, I would be secretly waiting for him to go to work then I would be all over that, he's a pc gamer anyway so that playstation would be effectively mine Grin

PtolemysNeedle · 29/04/2015 08:40

This has got to be one of the most selfish AIBUs ever posted.

Do you even like your husband OP?

You think it's ok for you to take yourself away from the family every weekend, leaving your husband to do all the childcare and children that must barely see you if you already work full time just so that you can go on a couple of frivolous birthday weekends away, but you begrudge your DHs parents buying him a present?

I have no idea what that's about. Maybe instead of giving you a holiday, your parents should have tried to teach you that neither the world, nor your family, revolves soley around you.

Morelikeguidelines · 29/04/2015 09:10

The problem I would have would be the suggestion that dh has time to spend hours on a PlayStation. Surely it is a waste of money to buy something like this for a father who would never have time to make the most of it.

Also if I was going to be a big pressie like this I would check the recipient wanted it first. It's the kind if thing you do or don't like, imo.

Getting him a present per se is fine but I can see why the op detects a subtext of "our ds needs lots of time off to relax" in this choice of gift.However it is up to dh to be an adult an not spend hours on it. His parents can't make him do that, can they?

TwinkieTwinkle · 29/04/2015 09:28

I thought this was funny until I got to the poster who thinks OP's DH should buy her flowers. Then it became hysterical! Appeasing an adult in the way parents do to little kids on a siblings birthday. Brilliant.

Moreisnnogedag · 29/04/2015 10:11

OP you think you have it bad? my mother thinks my dh is poor hard done-by man and buys him presents.

CinnabarRed · 29/04/2015 10:15

Meh.

Sometimes my family give me presents that are just for me; sometimes they buy presents which are given to me but are clearly to be used by our whole family.

I don't get the angst.